Loving you was never a mistake
by anxious cucumber
Summary: Maya and Josh six months after she told him she likes him... What can possibly go wrong?
1. Always

Maya and Josh haven't seen each other since the 'college dorm incident' as Riley and Maya started calling it. Josh decided it was best to stay away for a while and Maya decided to let him. She didn't regret telling him how she feels and she was trying to be more adult. Not just for Josh but for herself as well. She was finally ready to believe in something. She was ready for some hope. She knew what she felt, she knew it was more than a crush and she was fine with waiting for Josh to realise it too. She was awear of the age difference and of the fact that at their age it matters but she didn't care. Maya Hart went through enough pain in her life to gain wisdom and maturity far beyond her age, so even though Josh was three years older than her, her soul was a lot older that his.

The first time they saw each other was at the Matthews house one morning when Maya was there to pick up Riley as always and Josh came from college to visit.

-Hey family.- Josh yelled after he entered the apartment.

-Uncle Boing.-Maya said as soon as she turned around.

Even though Josh would never admit it, he missed hearing her call him that. Six months past since she said she liked him. He thought about it a lot. He always saw Maya as Riley's cute best friend and though he was flattered that she had a crush on him he never saw her in that way but after that day he couldn't stop thinking about her. That's another reason he decided to stay away for a while. He thought it would be easier for him if he didn't see her. But Maya was anything but easy to forget.

-After all this time?- he asked with a barely visible smile.

-Always.-Maya answered instantly. He looked at her straight in the eyes and she smiled and for a second he forgot about her age and she forgot about the rest of the world and for a second nothing else mattered. Then Riley said: We should get to school.- and Maya looked away.

-Hey uncle Josh, Lucas is throwing a party at his house tonight for some friends from Texas and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you drove us there and decided to stay.

-She is too embarrassed for me to drive her.-Cory interupted.-She thinks she can do this on her own.

-Not on my own, just partially by my self.

-It's normal for her to want to grow up.-added Topanga.

-I'm still your little girl.-said Riley.

-And you alway will be.-Cory answered.

-I'll drive you.-said Josh and Riley ran and hugged him. –Thank you uncle Josh.- she scremed.

-You're welcome. What time should I pick you guys up?

-Oh, Maya is not going.

-Of course I'm going Riles.

-But I thought…

-I wouldn't miss ranger Rick's party. - Maya quickly interrupted. Just 20 minutes before Josh came in Maya told her friend that she would rather eat a live snake than go to that party and Riley had a good idea why she sudenly changed her mind.

-My bad. We should be ready by 7:30.-said Riley.

-Okay, see you then.

Girls said their goodbyes and left for school. The second that the doors behind them closed Riley said: So should I find you a live snake?

-Shut up.

-I didn't know you still liked him.

-I told you it is not just a crush.

-I believe you. And I am sorry I didn't before.

-I forgive you.

-You know what, I am going to help you.

-What? Why?

-Because you are my best friend and I want you to be happy.

-I thought you would be mad.-Maya said and her best friend could hear a hint of fear in her voice.

-I don't think that you should date him now, I think you should wait a couple of years but I see how you lit up when he is around and I like seeing you happy.

-Thanks Riles. I respect your opinion but you are wrong.

-And I respect your opinion and I also think you are wrong. Now, lets talk about tonights outfit. I was thinking something pink for you… Riley said while watching her best friends horrifying face.

-That better be a joke.


	2. Blowout

Maya didn't bother paying attention in class. All she thought was about the party and Josh. She imagined him asking her to dance, holding her hand, kissing her lips…and then suddenly her teacher asked her a question.

-Sorry. - she mumbled.

-You weren't paying attention again, Maya.

-Of course I was Mr. Matthews.

-Okay then. What is the answer?

Maya didn't hear the question so she said the first thing that popped in to her head: Seven.

-Seven? This is a history class. At least say something that would make sense.

-Sorry, I panicked.-She couldn't tell if he was angry or amused.

-You are getting rusty.

-I know. I am working on it. - she said and then dove right back into her fantasy.

The rest of the day flew by and girls found themselves back in Riley's room trying to figure out what to wear. Riley picked out a red top and black jeans and Maya decided to go with a gold and black dress that reached just above her knees. They both looked beautiful. They turned on the radio while they were getting ready and "Lovers of the Sun" came on.

-I love this song. Turn it up.-Maya said and after Riley turned it up she started dancing all around the room. Riley laugh and joined her friend. They danced and sang the lyrics out loud and just before the song ended Maya turned towards the door and saw that Josh was standing at the doorway watching them with a smile.

-How long have you been there?-she asked.

-Long enough to see you have some serious moves. - he said while laughing.-You give a whole new meaning to the phrase dance like nobody is watching.

Maya chuckled.-Well, I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

He smiled at her with that smirk she liked so much and he allowed himself to look at her as more than a friend and said: Night is just beginning. How about we head to the party and I could show you some of my moves there?

Maya looked at him surprised because this was the first time he flirted back and she didn't quite know what to do about it.

-Promise?-she finally asked.

-Promise.

They looked into each other's eyes and Riley broke the silence once again by saying „Let's go".

Once they arrived, Riley quickly went off to find Lucas and Maya and Josh were left alone. There was a moment of silence between them, but Maya refused to let it be awkward.

-You promised to show me some moves as I recall. - She said and smiled devilishly.

Josh looked at her for a while. He thought she looked breath-taking. With her blond curls falling softly on her shoulders and her big blue eyes looking directly at him. One lock of her hair fall in front of her face and before he had any time to think about it, he moved his hand towards her face and pinned the rebellious hair behind her ear.

Maya stopped breathing for a second when his hand approached her. Their eyes met and he smiled at her.

-A promise is a promise. - he replied.

His hand met hers and he guided her towards the middle of the room. They faced each other and started dancing. Josh started jumping all around, doing the saturday night fever moves. Maya started laughing.

-I have never been more attracted to you.

-Yeah? You love the hips moves?-he asked while moving his hips to the side. She started laughing harder. Then she started doing the same moves. People started looking at them but they didn't care. They were having fun and as always when they were together, nothing else mattered. Josh got lost in her laughter, and he didn't want to stop making her laugh. It slowly turned into his favorite sound. But then a though came rushing into his mind. The same thought he always has when he has fun around Maya: She's too young.

If they were just friends it would have been fine, but they weren't. Josh knew it and Maya did too, so he stopped himself before they could take it any further.

-We can't Maya. – he yelled so that he could be louder than the music.

-We can't what?- she asked, even though she knew the answer.

-We can't do this. I am still too old for you. And I know you like me and I don't want to hurt you. I thought we could be just friends but maybe I can't do that either.

-But I am not a kid anymore. You said it yourself, I am not little anymore. You said you needed to stop looking at me like that. - she sounded hurt and he hated to make her feel like that but he didn't thing there was another way.

-And I don't. I see how much you have grown, but it's not enough. I need someone my age, I need someone who will understand what it's like being at this age and you can't do that. I'm sorry.

Maya wanted to tell him that he is wrong, she wanted to scream at him that she will prove him wrong, but then she thought: what's the point? The universe is clearly not on her side. It doesn't want her to be happy and she finally realized that she is not the kind of person that gets to be happy so why bother. And instead of telling him he wouldn't find anyone better than her she simply said: You're right. It's time for me get over this crush. I think we shouldn't see each other again.

Maya's voice was cold and distant and Josh never expected that it would hurt so much. But it did. And he wanted to hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay, but he couldn't do that.

-If that's what you want…

-Yes, that's what I want. – she said before he could finish and walked away.

XXXXXX

She thought about going home but she remembered Josh was her ride and she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing she left because of him so she decided to stay. But she didn't feel like partying so she went upstairs where she could be alone. She climbed the stairs and went through the first door on the left. She closed the door behind her and turned on the light. "This room must belong to Lucas's mother." She thought. It was big and painted yellow. Maya walked to the king sized bed and sat on top of it. She felt sad once again. Josh kept breaking her heart one piece at the time, every time he rejected her and she finally had enough. She deserves to be wanted and loved by someone who is worth it and if that someone is not Josh, she will have to learn to live with that. She slowly started to feel worse and worse because she didn't thing she could keep her dungeon of sadness locked up for much longer. It seemed like every time she added something else in it the doors were getting harder to keep locked.

And then she saw it standing on the desk in the corner of the room. A bottle of wine. She never thought of using it as a defense mechanism. She remembers how much of it her mother drank when her father first left.

But she is smarter than that. She would know better. She could control herself around it. And she saw some of the kids from her class drinking alcohol before. She was sure she was in much worse pain than they were and she knows how much just one glass of it can help. Maya stood up and walked towards the bottle. Is she really going to let herself be in so much pain over just one boy? But it's not just one boy, it's her dad leaving her, Shawn breaking up with her mother, her mother not being around and nobody really wanting her. Just one glass and it can all go away.

She slowly opened the bottle. There was no glasses around so she drank from the bottle. One sip, two sips, five, seven, ten…she stopped counting. At first she didn't like it very much. But after a few sips it started to get better and better. She thought it had no effect on her so she kept drinking it until half of a bottle was empty. After a while her vision got blurry and instead of not thinking about Josh, she thought about him even more. Every memory of him was heightened, the way he smelled, his smile, the way he flips his hear. She needed him, she wanted to press her lips against his and that was the most important thing in the world right now. She stumbled her way out into the hall and down the stairs. There were a lot of people there, some of them she recognized, some of them she had never seen before.

-Have you seen Josh?-she asked as they passed by. Everyone shuck their head no in response until someone called her name.

-Maya?- he sounded worried.

-Josh!- she screamed when she saw him and threw her arms around his neck.-I was looking for you. You smell good.

-Are you drunk?- he asked as he tried to pill her off of him so he could look at her face.

-Of course not. Why would you think that?- she asked, trying to sound normal.

-You are. Oh my god, what were you thinking?

-Okay, I took a sip of wine, it is not that big of a deal, I'm fine. I need to tell you something.

-You are only 14. You should not be drinking. I'm taking you home.

-I don't want to go home. I want to stay here and dance!- she declared and ran passed him. He followed her into another room where she already found some guy to dance with. She started twisting and dancing around this guy who she didn't even know.

Josh felt something in the pit of his stomach he never felt before. Was he jealous? Of course not, that would be ridiculous. The guy put his hand on Maya's hips and started to move them slowly to her lower back and lower but Josh had seen enough. He walked towards the guy, pulled him away from Maya and without even saying a word punched him in the face.


	3. Courage

Riley walked in the room and she was followed by Farkle and Lucas.

-What is going on?-she asked.

-We're leaving. - said Josh. He tried to get Maya out of the door but she didn't want to go, so he picked her up and carried her in his arms. Maya put her head on his shoulders and intertwined her fingers around his neck.-She is drunk.

-How could she be drunk?-asked Lucas.-There is no alcohol at this party. I made sure of that.

-I brought you a bottle of wine and put it in your mothers' room before the party started. - added Farkle.

-Why did you bought me wine?  
-This is my first party, I don't know the rules, I thought that's what you do.

-Thanks Farkle, that's actually very nice of you.

-We should probably take her home. Sorry I can't stay and help you clean like I promised I would, Lucas.-said Riley, sounding disappointed. She was looking forward to spending every possible moment she could with Lucas.

-Don't worry, I understand. Just take care of Maya and call me tomorrow to tell me how she is doing. - answered Lucas, always so understanding.

-Bye.-said Riley.

-Bye.-answered Lucas.

-Bye.-she said again.

-Bye.-he repeated.

-Just go.-said Josh.

Once they reached the car, Josh put Maya in the back seat and Riley sat next to her. Maya seemed to be asleep. When Josh sat in the drivers seat, Riley asked - Why would she do that?

-I don't know, Riley. - But he did. Or at least he thought he did. He played back all the events from tonight in his mind on the loop. It's all my fault, he thought. It's all my fault.

-Her mom is home by now, we should take her to my place.

-What if Cory and Topanga are awake? - Josh asked.

-I don't know, we'll think of something.

They drove to the Matthews home in silence. Maya woke up just before they arrived.

-I don't feel so good, I think I'm gonna be sick.-she said.

-Stop the car!-Riley yelled.

Josh stopped and Maya opened the door and puked on the sidewalk. Josh got out of the car and held Maya's hair as she puked and Riley stroke her back.

-Feeling better?-he asked.

-No.-answered Maya honestly.

-We're one block away, you think you can hold it in that long?-Josh wondered.

Maya nodded in response.

-Okay.-He went back in the car and drove them to the Matthews apartment.

Riley walked first and Josh walked behind her carrying Maya because she said she felt dizzy.

-Let me see if my parents are asleep first and then carry her in.-Riley set the plan. Josh agreed so he stayed in the hall with Maya in his arms as Riley walked in. They were left alone again.

-I like being close to you.-Maya whispered.

-That's because you are drunk.

-No, I always like being close to you.- she lifted her head off of his shoulder and looked him straight in the eye. Her breath smelled like wine and her pupils were dilated. Her hair was a little messy but she still looked gorgeous. She bit her bottom lip and her eyes fall onto his lips. Josh smiled and before he knew what was happening, her hands were on his face and her lips were on his lips. The kiss was soft and unexpected and when she kissed him, Josh didn't hate it. He kissed her back. He could feel Mayas mouth forming a smile. He smiled too. And then he heard footsteps from inside the apartment and he pulled away. Riley walked out but Mayas hands were still on Joshes face. Even if she noticed something weird she never said anything.

-The coast is clear. - she simply said. Josh carried Maya in his arms all the way to Riley's room and put her softly on Riley's bed.

-I'll go get her some water. - Riley said and left the room.

Josh tried to pull away but Maya grabbed his hand and softly said: "Stay."

Her voice was barely above whisper but it sent shivers down his whole body.

He kneeled beside the bed so they were on the same eye level and said: "I can't." It took all his strength to say no to her.

-Why not?-She asked with those puppy dog eyes he could not refuse.-Why don't you like me?

Josh looked at her for one second, she looked so pretty yet so heartbroken so he decided to tell her the truth.

-I am only going to say this to you because you are not going to remember it in the morning. I like you. I like you more than I can even comprehend. And I want to hold your hand and smell your hair when you lay your head on my chest when you fall asleep because you feel safe next to me. I want to be the only person you run to when life gets really bad or really good. I want to kiss you and never stop. I want to be the reason you smile and if I could only hear one sound for the rest of my life I would like for that sound to be your laughter. And when you kissed me I could taste the next 70 years of my life. But life does not always give us what we want or need. Sometimes life sucks. And all we have are these ifs, you know, if I were younger, if you were older, if I wasn't me and if you weren't you. But I am me and you are you and life does suck. Really, really suck. But one day, if we are lucky enough, our ifs won't matter anymore and maybe, just maybe life gives us something we want and something we need and you are that something to me. And when that day comes I will kiss you with all I have in me and I will hold on to you and I will never let go. But for now, until out moment comes I will be just your best friends uncle who watches over you when you get drunk and we have to find a way to make that enough.

Maya fell asleep a couple of moments later, still holding onto Joshes hand. He was right. Maya did not remember any of it in the morning, but what Josh did not know is that his niece came back from the kitchen a few moments before she entered the room and she stood by the door while Josh confessed how he felt about Maya. And he did not know Riley walked in, pretending she did not hear anything and then spent the whole night laying next to her best friend, debating whether she should tell her or not.


	4. Decision

Next morning Maya woke up with a headache. For a second she did not know where she was or how she ended up there. She turned to see Riley was sleeping next to her. She got up and went to the bathroom. Why is it so bright outside, she wondered. And why are those birds singing so loud? She stood in front of a mirror and instead of her reflection a pale, sick person was looking back at her. Her mascara was smeared around her eyes, she had huge bags under her eyes and she had no idea how to even start combing her hear. She slowly started remembering things from last night. Everything up to a part when Josh punched some guy in the face. "Oh god, what the hell did I do?" she asked herself. She washed her face and combed her hair. Then she went back to the room and sat next to Riley.

-Wake up Riles.-she said, nudging her friend in the back. Riley open her eyes and responded with: "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

-Like a truck ran over me. Twice.

-Well, you deserve it. You should not have been drinking.

-I know. I'm sorry.

-You should be. Why did you do that?

-I don't know, I guess I felt bad and I didn't want to feel like that. Everything just bottled up but I will never do it again. It's not worth how terrible I feel right now. Thank you for taking care of me last night.

-You should really thank Josh. He is the one that carried you all the way to here.

-He did?-Maya asked sounding a little too happy.

-You don't remember?-Riley still hadn't decided whether to tell her about everything she knew or not. She knows that if she told Maya she would keep pursuing Josh and she knew her uncle would like to wait. She didn't know what was best for Maya and what would hurt less.

-No. Did I do something embarrassing?

-No.-Riley answered quickly. She thought maybe she should talk to Josh first.-I'm going to make us some breakfast. You can find something of mine to wear.

-Thanks. - Riley walked in the kitchen to see Josh already eating cereal.

-Good morning. Where is everybody?-she asked.

-Good morning. They all went to the market and then they are taking Auggy on a playdate.

Riley thought that direct approach was the best approach. -I heard what you said to Maya last night.-Josh almost choked on his food.

-What?-he mumbled between coughs. Riley took him by surprise.

-I know you like her. And I know she kissed you.

-Did…um…did she tell you that?

-No. She doesn't remember. And I didn't tell her. Yet.

-You can't tell her. Not about what I said. She should know about the kiss. But she kissed me.

-Did you kiss her back?

There was a moment of silence before Josh answered.

-Yes. I know I should have stopped it but I did not see it coming and I just gave in. It will never happened again.

-I don't get it. If you like her why don't you just tell her?

-It's complicated Riley.

-I don't get what is so complicated about it. You like her, she likes you. It's simple as that.

-You'll understand when you are a little older. Life is not always simple. Even if it seems that way. I should not like her.

-That's stupid.

-Maybe. But it's the way it is. You have to promise me you'll stay out of it.

-But…

-Promise me.

-Fine.-Riley finally said reluctantly.-I'll stay out of it.

-Good. I have to go. I have classes. I'll see you tonight.

Maya walked in as soon as Josh closed the door behind him. The girls ate in silence. Riley debated for a while if she should keep her promise or not. She decided to tell Maya about the kiss.

-You kind of did do something last night.

-What?

-Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this morning. But…um you sort of kissed Josh.-she said in a tone that sounded more like a question.

-I did what?-asked Maya in horror. So Riley told here everything from the moment they left the party leaving out only the part about Josh's speech and their talk this morning, which made her feel guilty.

-Oh no. No. God no.-she slammed her head on the table still repeating the same word.

-Oh God. That was my first kiss and I don't even remember it. I am such an idiot. No wonder he ran out before I woke up. He probably thinks I'm nuts. Of course he rejected me last night. I acted like a child. He must hate me.

-No Maya. You are not an idiot. And Josh does not hate you. You made a mistake. You'll learn from it. It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. We don't even have to count this kiss. You don't remember it so why should we? It will be as if it has never happened.

-But I can't forget it. It wasn't just my first kiss. It was my first kiss with Josh. I have to talk to him.

-He'll be back tonight. You can talk to him then.

Maya spend the day worrying about what she will say to Josh and if he really is mad at her or not. She went home but her mother was already at work. She wasn't mad. She understood. Her mom was a single mother and there are bills to be paid. But just because she understood does not mean she liked it. She wished she could talk to someone about this. She needed a mom. She could go to Topanga, she knew that. And Topanga would give her advice and be nice about it but it wouldn't be the same. So Maya stayed in her room and tortured herself with thoughts of how tonight will go and trying to remember something from the party but she could not. After a while she could remember being carried but she only knew it was Josh because Riley told her. Unfortunately she also remembered puking. And each time she remembered that she got a little more embarrassed. At around six o'clock she went over to Riley's. Besides wanting to talk to Josh it was Saturday and Saturday was movie night. She knocked on the door and Josh opened. For a second they stood there, looking at each other, not knowing what to say and the first thing that came out of Mayas mouth was: I kissed you.

And Josh responded with: I kissed you back.

-I did not know that.

-Maybe we should talk.

-Yes. I think we should.

Josh stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him. They started talking at the same time and then they both smiled.

-You go first.-Maya said.

-Okay, first of all, I'm glad you feel better and I hope you will never do that again. Second you kissed me and I get that you were drunk but I wasn't and I kissed you back and that was not okay so I am sorry. It's my fault.

-It was my first kiss. And I know it wasn't yours and that is fine but it was mine and I don't remember it. And for the rest of my life you were always going to be my first and I wish I remembered it.

-I'm sorry I took that away from you.

-You didn't, I did. It was my fault.

-How can I make it up to you?

-Well, we could recreate it.

Josh laughed.-It's my fault for asking.

Maya laughed at that.-So you don't hate me? For the way I acted? And kissing you…

-I could never hate you, and the kiss was not bad.

-So what I'm hearing is we should definitely do it again.

Josh laughed again. - I don't remember saying that.

– _Why not? We already kissed once._ -She came closer. _\- Nobody will know._ \- She bit her bottom lip. - _And this time I will remember._

Josh's heart started to beat very fast. Maya's started speeding up too. She came so close now that her lips were just an inch away from his.

-We can't. - Josh breathed heavily and he did not sound like he meant it.

-We really can't. - He was looking at her eyes and she was looking at his lips. She was shorter than him, so in order to get their lips on the same level she had to stand on her tip-toes and to hold her balance she had to hold onto his chest. Josh felt electric tingling on the places her skin met his. He could smell her breath. This time it smelled like menthol and her hair smelled like cinnamon and vanilla and Josh remembered thinking than nothing ever smelled better. He forgot all the reasons he should not be kissing her. Something about age… but it did not seem so important right now. She looked him in eye and smiled. God, she was beautiful. His hands moved on their own and landed on her hips. Mayas hands moved on his neck. His breathing was heavy again and Maya closed her eyes. Josh closed his and just as their lips were about to meet Riley opened the door and they stepped away from each other before she could see anything.

-Are you guys done? The movie is about to start.

-Great. I love movies.-Josh said in one breath and walked in.

-Hope there is popcorn.-Maya said in the same panicked way.

Did they kiss again?-Riley asked herself.

They all found a place on the couch and the floor next to the rest of the Matthews and started the movie. It was a good movie, action packed with a nice plot, but Maya did not care. She could only hear her heartbeat. Josh didn't pay attention to the movie either. He kept looking at Maya. He had to remind himself that he has to stop but he did not even realize he was doing it half the time. He would just catch himself looking at her. Admiring her hair or the way her hands moved to the popcorn. _What is the matter with you? What kind of power does she have over you? Look away_.-he kept saying to himself.

Sometimes their eyes would meet and she would smile and Josh would feel like his heart stopped for a minute and he would smile back and then he would come to his senses and look away.

When the movie ended, Maya had to leave right away and Riley and Josh offered to wash the dishes so Topanga and Cory went to bed.

-Did you kiss again?-Riley asked as soon as she was sure her parents couldn't hear.

-No.-Josh quickly responded.-But if you hadn't opened the door when you did, we probably would have.-He added honestly.

-What is matter with you? You can't play with her like that.

-That is not my intention. I swear. It's just when she is close, all logic goes out the window and I can't remember the reason why it is a bad idea. And she is very persistent. I don't know what to do.

-Tell her the truth.

-I can't do that.

-She would wait for you.

-That's exactly why I can't tell her.

-I don't get you. I don't get you at all.

-She does not deserve to wait for me. She is 14. The best of her life is yet to come. She needs to experience that as fully as she can. Not just sit around waiting to turn 18 so we could have a chance.

-Don't you think that should be her decision?

-I'm afraid she'll make the wrong one.

-That's not up to you. You need to give her enough credit. You need to give her a chance to decide for herself. There aren't a lot of stuff in this life that she got to control. This should be her decision. And if you can't give her that than…maybe you don't really love her.

Josh thought about this for a while. Riley was right. He only thought about him and from his perspective. Maya deserved the same thing.

-Okay. - He finally said. You are right.

-I am? Yeah. I am.

-I am going to her right now. Cover me with Cory.

-Right now? It can wait till morning.

-No it can't.


	5. Endeavours

Maya's house wasn't that far away from Riley's so Josh decided to walk. New York was cold at this time of night. It was just past midnight. Josh didn't really know what he was going to say. He knew how Maya felt about him and he also knows how young she is and how easily one bad experience with love can destroy any chance she has at a normal relationship in the future. He knew how he felt about her too. He liked her. A lot. He could see himself falling in love with this girl. But he started college and Maya was still in middle school. And it did matter. He tried staying away, but that meant not seeing Cory and Topanga and the kids as well and he barely made it six months last time. He tried being mean at the party but he ended up kissing her so he was obviously doing something wrong there. So what should he do? What is he supposed to do? He did not have time to answer than because he was already outside Maya's window. He knocked, wondering if this was a good idea. And just before he could decide to run in the opposite direction, Maya opened the window.

-Josh? What are doing here?

Josh didn't answer for a long time. He only ever saw Maya with makeup and rock and roll, rebellious outfits that she used as an armor around the world. He never saw her like this. In her pajamas, with no makeup and her hair styled in a messy bun. And she never looked more beautiful.

-Josh? Are you okay?-Maya had to ask again before he spoke.

-Yes, sorry. I'm fine. Hi.

Maya smiled. – What are doing here?

-We need to talk.

-About what?

-You know. Stuff. Life.-Josh forgot for a second what he was doing here. She had that effect on him. Nothing else in the world seemed to matter when he was around her.

Maya felt the same. All she could think about was how handsome he was. And he was outside her window. Maybe the universe does not hate her after all.

-So, are you gonna ask me in or are you gonna come out?

-Right. – Maya forgot. – Come in.

Josh climbed in through the window. Almost breaking a lamp which made Maya laugh.

-Sorry about that.

-It's fine. I hate that stupid lamp anyway.

He smiled and they looked at each other and once again they were the only two people in the world. Finally Maya broke the silence. – What are you doing here Josh?

-I didn't get to that, did I?

-No. – answered Maya. She was not used to seeing him like this. Usually she is the one who is always nervous around him. She liked this change in their dynamic.

-I need to tell you something and you can't interrupt me because if you do I'll forget the point and I've been doing that a lot around you so you just need to listen and then tell me what you think.

-Okay.

-Okay. So…um…You told me you liked me. And we never talked about it afterwards. I just left for six months and that's not fair to you. So I am here now. And I hope it is not too late. But ever since than I started feeling something too. And at first I wasn't going to tell you because I thought it would be easier to just not be around you. But it wasn't, so I came back thinking I have enough control to be around you. But it turns out I don't. Every time you are near me I forget everything else and in that moment it is just you and me and I do stupid things like kiss you or punch strangers for touching you. And it is driving me crazy to be around you and it is driving me crazy to not be around you. So we need to stop. Everything has to stop. The kissing, the secret talks, the distant glances. It needs to stop…because I don't know how much of it I can take. And I can't be with you because I am too old for you. And you may not see that but I do and right now it matters. In a couple of years it won't but until than we need to stop. And I get that you don't want to wait and you shouldn't. You should go out and find someone your own age and do all the firsts with him. And then when you turn eighteen I will be here and if you want to give this a try then we can. And I will be all in, but not now. I can't give you now.

Maya stood there, speechless. She liked him for so long and he was finally standing here, telling her he liked her back. He gave her something she lost a while back. Hope.

-You like me? – she asked after a minute.

Josh chuckled. – I told you all of this and that is the only part you focused on?

-Nothing else mattered. You like me. I don't care that we can't be together now. Someday we will be. And for the first time the future does not look that dark. And I can wait. I will wait.

-So what do we do now?

Maya thought about it for a second and then she said – What if we have one night? One night where we kiss and flirt and tell each other everything. And it will be just the two of us and these four walls and nothing else. And in that night we don't have ages or rules and then we go back to being just friends until our time comes.

-One night? – Josh asked. – Just one night?

-Just one night.

-And we only kiss, nothing further.

-Please, you'll have to buy me dinner first. – Maya joked. They both laughed.

Instead of a response Josh walked closer to Maya and kissed her. He put her hands on her face and leaned closer to her so that now Maya's back was against the wall. He kept one hand on her face and wrapped the other one around her waist. Maya put both of her hands on his back. She grabbed the edge of his shirt with both of her hands and pulled him closer. He tasted like happiness. They kissed long and passionate and then he picked her up and Maya wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her to the bed. He sat first and Maya was now sitting in his lap.

Josh broke the kiss so he could tell her: "This is the first time we kissed. The other one does not matter. This is the one you will remember for the rest of your life. This is the one you tell people about."

Maya smiled and kissed him again. He lied on the bed and she leaned forward with him. They kept kissing, occasionally stopping for air. Finally after a couple of hours they fell asleep in each other's arms. But like they promised, they didn't go past kissing and this was the last night they spent together until Maya's eighteenth birthday.

A/N: So guys I hope you enjoyed this one. I am deciding if i should write about them during the period of next four years or if i should just jump to Maya's 18th birthday and go from there. Let me know what you think and what you would like to read about :)


	6. Freedom

The next morning Maya woke up with Josh's arm wrapped around her. She never knew it was possible to feel so safe next to another person. She turned around to face him. He looks so good even when he is sleeping. Maya never felt so happy. She thought about waking him up but she knew that the second she does the fairytale would end and she will have to wait for what seemed like eternity to feel this happy again. But she couldn't help herself. She gently placed her finger tips on his cheek. He didn't even flinch. That encouraged her so she moved her thumb and touched his lips. Her touch was as soft as a feather. She traced her thumb across his bottom lip and she considered kissing him despite her better judgment.

-We said one night. The night is over.-Josh interrupted her thoughts with his eyes still closed. Maya flinched and moved her hand. Then she went back to being her flirty self.

-You know, we could make it a day.

Josh smiled.-Than that day could turn into a year?

\- See, we are meant to be together. Great minds think alike.

Josh laughed and started tickling her.

Maya started laughing hysterically and jumping around, trying to get away.-No, Josh. I'm really ticklish. Stop. - But Josh didn't. He kept tickling her until she fell of the bed.

-Oh my god. Are you okay? - Josh asked sounding worried.

-Yeah. Help me up. - Maya replied. Josh gave Maya his hand. She took it and pulled. He fell off of bed and on top of her. They both laughed. Then laughter turned into silence. They both knew that the next thing that either of them says will hurt them both.

-Maya...

-I know. - interrupted Maya.-Just one night. That was the deal.

They were looking at each other with Josh still on top of her. They stayed like that until he kissed her forehead letting his lips linger on her skin for a little too long. Then he got up, took Maya's hand and helped her up.

-I better go. I'll see you. - But he didn't go. He kept standing in front of her, his whole body yearning for him to stay.

But you can't. - A voice said in his head.

-See you. - whispered Maya.

-Bye. - said Josh, climbing out of the window.

XXXXXX

Maya told Riley what happened. Not all the details, some things she kept to herself. Josh kept coming over to the Matthews home. They saw each other a lot but always around other people. They didn't trust themselves enough to spend any time alone. They still kept stealing glances at each other during move nights, their hands would touch sometimes during family meals when they reached for the same bowl and they would let their fingers intertwine for a bit until one of them pulled away first. They would laugh a little too hard at each others jokes. They still saw each other during holidays and birthdays. Sometimes Josh would whisper to Maya: Only 964 days to go.-which would make her blush and giggle. And Maya would leave little notes in Josh's backpack that said: Only 821 days to go. That soon began their four years long tradition. They would tell each other how many days they had until Mayas 18th birthday. Soon enough it became a competition to see who will say it first, without anyone around them finding out. Being apart felt like having an itch that you can't reach and can't scratch. The only thing that kept them going was the memory of that one night they had together and the thought of how good it felt and how good it can feel again.

Dating posed an additional problem. Maya never met anyone she liked enough to date or kiss. Neither did Josh but he would go on dates sometimes but never past the first one and he would always pull away before a kiss. It just always felt like cheating to him. When Maya was 16 she went to a party and kissed a boy. She didn't like him but she had a couple of drinks and he was nice and he was there and Josh wasn't. Josh almost slept with a girl from his class but he stopped it before it went too far. That's when they had the talk. They agreed they should see other people and if that led to kissing and something more and they enjoyed it they should keep doing it. So they dated other people but it never worked out because no other boy was like Josh and no other girl was like Maya. Sometimes they would even call each other on the phone and talk for hours about bad dates they went on. On the day of Mayas 17th birthday, Josh sent her a gift. It was a book she told him a long time ago she wanted to read with one white orchid and a note that said: 365 days to go. That was by far the hardest year. Knowing that they are so close to be together but yet so far away.

Only Riley knew about their deal witch made her the only person both of them could talk to. Riley didn't mind. She was always there to help them as much as she could. She started dating Lucas and she knew how much it would hurt her if something stopped her from being with him.

Maya was turning eighteen in seven months and she was so happy about it. But she haven't seen Josh in a while and she was starting to get worried. Riley would tell her that he was just busy with school and that she didn't have anything to worry about. But Maya was not so sure. She remembers very well the talk they had about dating other people. She was fine with it, she realized that he doesn't owe her anything and that he can do what ever he wanted but she hoped he would only want to wait for her. They now had 182 days to go but she still didn't hear from Josh. Riley said he came over the other day but he was in a hurry and he didn't stay for long. Maya wondered if this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe he only liked her because he couldn't have her and now that they are so close to being together he realized that he didn't really like her at all.

She decided to go to a party that night and meet a guy. That way she would be less heartbroken when Josh tells her he doesn't want to be with her. Maya also got her best friend to go to the party with her. They went to a house party that one of their class mates was throwing. It seemed like these days there was a party every night just at different house. They were all loud and filed with a bunch of horny, drunk teenager. It did not take Maya too long to get into a party mode. Riley decided to stay sober tonight in case Maya needed help. As soon as alcohol started kicking in, every guy seemed cute. Maya found one she liked and started dancing with him. They screamed to each other basic information like name, school and one interesting fact about themselves which is all they could say over loud music and considering they both knew that this was not going to end in a friendship they didn't need anything else. There was a standard for these kind of things. One night hook ups. It is when two people who, for whatever reason, decide they don't want to be alone for one night find each other and make out and pretend that that is enough. And tonight on Maya's menu was Nathan. He was gorgeous with his black hair, blue eyes and a stunning smile. If someone were to say this guy wasn't their type, they would be laying. They danced and then they kissed but he tasted nothing like Josh. Nathan's kisses felt sloppy and wrong. Maya pulled away.

-You're not him. – She finally realized.

-What?-Nathan asked.

-You are not him. And even if he does not want me anymore I deserve better than this and even if I meant nothing to him, he meant the world to me and I won't ruin that memory with this.

-What does that mean?

-I think that means I've grown. And I think it means I'm going to be okay.-Maya responded and then walked away.

She saw Josh a few times since then. He did not replace her with another girl. Maya was relieved.

-Two more days to go. – He whispered in her ear the last time they saw each other.

Maya could not wait for those two days to pass.

XXXXXX

-Where is she? – Josh busted in to the Matthews living room.

-What, no hello family? No nothing. – Cory asked.

-If by 'she' you mean the birthday girl she is still not here. – Added Topanga.

-When is she coming?

-She is on her way. – Said Riley who just walked into the kitchen.

-So today is the day? – Asked Topanga. She sounded exited.

-Today is the day. – Answered Riley with a huge grin on her face.

-So you all know? – Asked Josh.

-Know what? What is going on? – Asked annoyed Cory. – Why am I always the last one to know?

-Because you don't pay attention. – Topanga said and planted a kiss on Cory's lips.

Before he could ask another question Maya rushed thru the door and yelled – Where is he? – before she noticed Josh standing next to the kitchen table. They moved towards each other, more running then walking and without saying a word to each other their lips met and they started kissing. Maya moved her hands thru Josh's hair and his hands held her waist. She forgot how good that felt.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this one as well, let me know what you think in the comments


	7. Good life

-What? How long has this been going on? – Surprised Cory yelled.

-Since they met, I'd say, but they would probably say it started four years ago. – Riley quickly responded.

-I don't believe this. How could this be happening? – Asked Cory.

-Are you seriously telling me you never noticed the secret glances, sneaking around, nor anything else?

-Topanga if I had, would my face look like this? – He pointed with both of his hands to his open mouth shocked look.

Topanga laughed. – You are cute when you are clueless. – She turned towards Maya and Josh. – Breathe you two. Sit down and eat something. – She placed breakfast on the table. It was blueberry pancakes, Maya's favorite, in honor of her birthday.

Josh stopped kissing Maya but his eyes never left Maya's face. – I've waited four years for this. I am not done yet. – He kissed her again.

-I am both discussed and glad. – Riley declared with the biggest grin on her face.

-All right, we'll stop. – Maya pulled away. She intertwined her fingers with Josh's.

-Happy birthday Maya. – Riley hugged her friend. – I am so happy for you. Now we can finally go on double dates and host brunches.

-No. – Josh said.

-Ah, let her hope for a little while. – Maya added.

-Trust me, this needs to be nipped in the bud.

The rest of the Matthews wished her a happy birthday and then they all sat to eat together. Josh sat next to Maya still holding her hand. They kept smiling at each other. Riley never saw either one of them this happy. She really hoped it would last.

Josh drove them to school that day. – I have something great planed for tonight.

-Oh really? – Maya was intrigued.

-Technically this is going to be our first date. I am going to make sure everything is perfect.

-I don't need anything. Not that we can be together everything is perfect.

When they reached their destination Josh stopped the car and got out at the same time as the girls. He walked around to Maya's side and kissed her again.

-I really have to go now. I'll see you tonight.

-I wish you could stay.

-What's the rush? We have the rest of our lives.

Maya walked towards the school, hand in hand with Riley. Josh didn't move. He leaned on the car and watched Maya as she got closer to the crowed. He knew she would turn around one more time. And soon enough she did. She smiled and let go of Riley's hand and ran back towards Josh. He caught her, lifted her off of the ground and kissed her again.

-Hey. – Riley heard a familiar voice behind her. It was Lucas.

-Hi. – Riley said and kissed him. Lucas saw Maya and Josh.

-That finally happened. – He said.

-We were never that gross, were we?

-Riley, we once spend the whole night in front of your building because we made out for so long we didn't noticed the move has started.

-That's not so bad.

-And finished.

-That is.

-I think they're cute. – Farkle appeared next to them.

-So you guys remember the plan for tonight? Seven o'clock at my place. – reminded them Riley.

-Don't worry so much. Everything is going to be perfect. – Lucas assured her.

They kissed again and walked to the entrance. Maya caught up with them.

-There you are Miss kissy-face. – Farkle greeted her.

-I am so happy I don't even hate that right now. – Maya responded with a big smile.

-Does that mean I can tell you anything right now and you won't get mad? This is my chance. I am the one who broke your _Queen_ CD. I didn't mean to, I accidentally sat on it. And also I killed Mr. Bear. He fell out of my back pack on to the street and a car ran over him. I did everything I could for him but it was too late. There. That felt so good.

-Who is Mr. Bear? – asked Lucas.

-Maya's stuffed bear that she lost when she was six. Well, thought she lost. – Riley explained.

-I gave it to you to keep you safe when your parents were getting divorced.

-And I killed him. I never forgave myself for that.

-I forgive you Farkle. – Maya told him. – But only because I am in a very good mood.

-Happy birthday. – Farkle and Lucas both wished to Maya.

XXXXXX

They went to class but Maya could not focus on anything today. She couldn't wait for the next time she saw Josh. Teenage relationships don't usually last. She knew that better than anyone. Her parents were high school sweethearts. _But Josh and me, we are going to make_ _it._ She knew it in her bones.

This was the longest day Maya ever had. School seemed to last forever. When it was finally over Maya couldn't wait to see Josh again and to find out what was the surprise he had for her. He waited outside of school when they finished with all the classes. The four of them walked to Josh's car together. And after they all said hello to each other and chatted for a while, they all went their ways and Maya and Josh were left alone.

He picked her chin up with his left hand and kissed her softly.

-Do you trust me? – He asked.

-With my life. – Answered Maya with no hesitation.

Josh pulled his right hand that he kept behind his back and opened his hand in front of her. He held a blind fold. – Good because otherwise this would not work at all.

He put the blindfold on her eyes and helped her get in the car. He quickly circled around the vehicle and sat in the driver's seat.

-Where are you taking me? – Maya was inpatient.

-You'll see. – Josh refused to spoil the surprise.

They didn't drove for very long before they stopped.

-Okay, we're here. I'm coming over to help you out. No peeking.

-I won't just hurry up.

Josh opened her door and helped her out of the car. He held her hand in one of his hands and he put the other one around her waist. He told her where to turn and where to step carefully.

-You're doing great. Now come the stares. There you go. One more. And one more… - that continued all the way up the third floor.

-You blindfolded me and took me to a place with no elevators?

-I will never let anything happened to you.

A few steps later, Maya tripped but Josh caught her just in time so she didn't fall.

-I told you. – He gloated.

-I hate you. – Maya said jokingly.

-No you don't. – Josh replied. – It's just one more floor. I'll carry you.

He picked her up like she was as light as a feather.

-I can walk. – Maya protested.

-No, I got it. Consider this your birthday present because I didn't get you anything.

-I knew I should've dated that guy Mike from my class. He looks like a guy that would know how to treat a women.

-Maybe it's not too late to give him a call.

They reached their destination so Josh put her down.

-We're here. I am going to take the blindfold off now but don't open your eyes yet.

She heard a clicking noise like the doors were unlocked and then open.

She didn't hear him say to open her eyes instead she heard a loud SURPRISE! And took that as a sine.

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY everyone yelled at the same time. Maya was not expecting this. It seemed like everyone she knew was here, at the Matthews apartment. The Matthews, her whole class, her mother, even Shawn. She couldn't believe it. Everyone surrounded her trying to wish her a happy birthday one on one. Everyone was very nice. In all that commotion she lost Josh. She spend a good half an hour listening to everyone wish her exactly the same thing. When she was finally finished she looked for Josh. He was sitting on the bay window in the living room.

-Is this seat taken? – She approached him.

-No, but before you sit down you should know I'm dating the most gorgeous girl in the world and I won't be able to talk about anything but her.

-She must be a very special girl.

-Oh, she is.

-Oh yeah, so how come you are not with her right now?

-I think she probably found somewhere else she likes being better.

-I don't think that's possible. If I was your girlfriend I would never leave your side.

-You must be one of those stalker types.

Maya laughed out loud.

-But you are a cute stalker. – He added and kissed her.

-So this whole thing is your master plan?

-No, this was all Riley.

-So you really didn't get me anything? I think I saw Mike around here somewhere...

That made him laugh. – My present comes after this. When you get bored of the party let me know.

-I'm bored of the party. – He laughed and kissed her again. – You have to stay for a little bit, Riley planned this for weeks.

\- Fine. I guess I'll go mingle then. – She kissed him and took off.

She found Riley. – Thanks for the party. I love it. You are the most amazing best friend in the world. – The girls hugged and Riley said: I'm an even better friend because I will let you go with Josh to his surprise right now instead of later.

-I love you. – Maya said.

-I know, I am very lovable.

Maya went back to Josh. – She approves. Let's go.

Josh took her hand and she followed him to Riley's room.

-My surprise is in Riley's room? – She asked.

-Not quite.

-What does that mean?

-It's on the roof.

He walked out of the window, onto the fire escape and started climbing. She followed closely behind. Josh climbed first and helped Maya climb on the roof too. Then Josh stepped aside and Maya could see the whole roof. Josh put up white Christmas lights and in the middle of the roof he set a blanket with a basket full of food and a bouquet of orchids. Maya's favorite.

-I can't believe you did this. – Maya was stunned. Her eyes got teary.

-Oh god…Maya…if you don't like it…

-I love it. No one has ever done anything like that for me. You are amazing. – She kissed him.

-Come on.

They sat on the blanket, ate all of Maya's favorite sweets that Josh packed and talked for hours. It felt like a dream. Everything was perfect. After a while they laid on the blanket and looked at the stars.

-You see those three stars over there that make a consolation? – Josh pointed at the sky.

-Yes.

-Do you know what it's called?

-No. – She said.

-Too bad, because neither do I.

You know those moments that no matter what happens next you will remember so vividly and even if nothing good ever happens again you will have that one memory to hold onto and you will know that life wasn't that cruel to you after all? This was one of those moments for Maya. Right now, nothing bad that happened to her mattered. She didn't have any daddy issues and abandonment fears, her mother wasn't barely making ends meet. Maya Hart was fine. Maya Hart was happy.

XXXXXX

-Wake up sleepy head. – Maya heard in her sleep.

-What? – She asked with her eyes barely open.

Josh was waking her up.

-The sun is rising. Look how beautiful it is.

It was definitely worth being woken up for. – Maya thought. – And besides, the reality was finally better than the dream.

They stayed on the roof for a little while longer watching the sunrise. Then they decided to go to the apartment and clean up after last night's party.

When they walked in the living room Farkle, Lucas and Riley were all up and cleaning the apartment.

-Did you guys even sleep last night? – Maya asked.

-The last person left like half an hour ago. We decided to clean first and sleep second.

-We'll help. – Josh grabbed a mop.

-This will all go better if we put on some music. – Maya rushed to the radio.

She played it loud. Cory, Topanga and Auggy went to Philadelphia just after last night's party started so they didn't have to worry about waking up anyone.

They all started dancing and cleaning was never this fun before and will probably never be this fun again. They all sang the lyrics, some of them more off key than the others but no one seemed to mind. The cleaning seemed a little more like an after party then work. And then they all thought how great it would be if the rest of their lives were as good as this.


	8. Hope

Cory and Topanga spent the weekend in Philadelphia, so the gang spent the entire weekend at the Matthews. They watched movies, ate unhealthy snacks and pretended that the world outside doesn't exist. Maya and Josh were never apart. They were always holding hands or kissing. Just sitting next to each other drove them crazy.

-I can't believe we're all coupled up. We just have to find someone for Farkle. – Said Riley that afternoon.

-Actually, I thing I met someone at the party. – Farkle added nervously.

-What? – They all exclaimed at the same time.

-Why didn't you tell us? – Asked Lucas.

-It didn't come up. – Answered Farkle.

-So who is the lucky girl? – Wondered Riley?

-Her name is Sarah. We have science together. She sits in front of me and she smiles a lot. I like that. – Answered Farkle.

-Did you talked to her last night? – Maya was curious.

-I kissed her. – He answered.

-What? – They all screamed at the same time again.

-Go Farkle. – Said Josh.

-What is wrong with you? Why didn't you tell us sooner? – Riley asked him.

-I don't think she wants to see me again. – Farkle admitted.

-Why would you say that? – Asked Lucas.

-She spent the rest of the night talking to that Mike guy.

-I hate that guy. – Said Josh. Maya chuckled.

-What exactly happened at the party? – Maya wanted to know.

-Well, you and Josh left to the roof and Riley and Lucas were dancing together so I decided to go get something to drink. I took a glass of wine and as I turned around she was standing behind me but I didn't see her so I spilled my wine on her dress. And it was a white dress. It really went beautifully with her red hair. I felt bad so I offered to help her get the stain out. I took her to the bathroom because I know where you keep the stain removal and I helped her get the stain out. We talked for a while. We stayed in the bathroom even after the stain was gone and then she asked what she can do to thank me and I said that it wasn't necessary. Then she said: "I know what I can do." And she came closer, leaned in and kissed me. She said I was the nicest guy at the party, smiled and then walked out. I went out a few minutes later and I saw her talking to Mike.

-Call her. – Riley pushed.

-What's the point? She's going to tell me I'm nice or sweet or something equally awful.

-Call her. – Agreed Maya.

-She likes some other guy she was only being nice to me.

-Call her. – Lucas said as well.

-You think I have a shot?

-Call her. – Josh answered. – Or you'll never know.

-You are a great guy Farkle. And if she can't see that then it's her loss and you will find someone who will see in you everything we do. – Encouraged Riley.

-And you deserve to be happy. And you'll never know if you can be happy with her unless you call her. – Added Maya.

So Farkle decided to test his fate and called her. He dialed her number quickly and listened to the ringing until she picked up: "Hello."

-Hi Sarah. It's Farkle.

-Farkle? I was hoping you'd call… - And that was the last thing Riley and the gang heard before Farkle got up and went to another room to talk to Sarah.

He came running back to the room screaming: "We're going on a date!" fifteen minutes later.

XXXXXX

Life is never all good or all bad. And when you least expect it, it changes. Maya and the rest of her friends were happy. Maya and Josh were still together, Riley and Lucas as well and Farkle was starting something with Sarah. But it was their senior year and they all needed to decide where they wanted to go to college. They would spend hours talking about their futures and perfect schools for them. But during those talks Maya was usually quite. Even Josh wanted to talk to her about college but she would distract him with kisses. This time it was no different.

-So, have you decided where you want to be next year?

-Let's not talk about it. – She said and sat in his lap. They kissed.

Josh pulled away and said: "It's important to talk about it. You can't avoid it."

-What's the point? I can't afford it anyway and not all people need to go to college.

-You are not one of those people. – Josh assured her.

-Maybe you don't know me that well. – Maya wasn't joking.

-You are meant for something more. – He said. – I know it. You are an amazing artist. You can do anything you want. Why don't you believe it?

Maya didn't let herself think about her future for too long because she honestly didn't think she had one.

-I can't be an artist. – She looked at him with those big blue eyes and Josh knew she was ready to open up to him.

Why not? – He encouraged her.

-You won't understand it because you were raised in a beautiful middle class family who could afford you a comfortable life. You weren't rich but you also don't know what is like to see you mother give you her last dollar to buy a snack at school so you are not hungry even though you know that means she will be. You also don't know what it's like when your snickers rip on the bottom but you don't tell your mother and you keep wearing them because you know she can't afford new ones. Or how you tell your best friend you don't like that band that you spent hours listening to together anymore because you can't afford a ticket for their concert and you feel like a charity work when she offers to pay for it. Or how when you sit in a cafe and everyone looks for what they feel like drinking and you look for what you can afford. You never felt that five dollar bill burn In your pocket every time one of your friends suggest something fun and new they want to do and you feel sick because the only thing that's stopping you is that five dollars and the fact that you don't have more. I know poverty. I know hardship and I can't allow myself to dream about something that has a chance of not working out. So I can't study art because I can't make a living off of it and I don't know what else I can study that I can afford.

-How about a scholarship? – Josh offered as an option.

-You've seen my grades. The only scholarship I can count on is for a clown college.

-I'm sorry. – He sounded sincere. – And you are right. I don't know what it's like and I probably never will but my upbringing had one advantage that yours didn't and that's hope. You stopped believing that things can get better or that life might work out for you but look at us. We were a long stretch and we worked out just fine, right?

She nodded and kissed him softly.

-So how about you apply to some colleges you like, maybe some art schools and in the meantime you can work and try to earn some money. And if all else fails you know my brother and Topanga would do anything they can to help you out. – Josh said.

-No. They did so much for me already I could never ask them for college money. – Maya decided. – But I will apply. I mean, my SAT score is not half bad.

Riley pushed her and the boys to study all year long for the SATs and they all did really well.

-See. It's not that bad to talk about things. – Josh said with a smile.

-True. But I'd prefer if we used our mouths for something else. – Maya said and they started kissing again.

Maya still needed to decide what she wanted to do after school. She allowed herself to dream about what her life could be. But she never saw herself with a white picket fence and two kids and a dog. She wanted to travel the world. She wanted to have adventures. She wanted to be independed and bold.

When she mentioned this to Topanga one day when the two of them were alone, she suggested Maya should talk to Shawn about it.

-Shawn went through the same thing you are going through right now. He'll understand it better than anyone. Talk to him. He'll love to see you. – Topanga said.

Maya and Shawn didn't see each other for a while, since Maya's birthday party. Shawn traveled a lot for his work and after he and Katy broke up it felt awkward when they were around each other. He still called every day and sent her pictures and articles he wrote before they went online so she could be the first one to read them. He took her to a couple of trips whenever he could and it felt like he could be her father and she could be his daughter. But they were two broken people. And sometimes broken people don't know how to be anything but that. And even when they have a chance to heal they chose the one thing that is familiar. Pain and loss. So Shawn did the same thing he always does. He ran away. And Maya did the same thing she always does. She pushed him away.

-Do you think he… - Maya started.

-He cares about you Maya. He always has. And he always will. – Topanga assured her. – He is finally in New York again and he is coming for dinner tonight.

Shawn had an assignment in Europe and was gone for the past six weeks. He was finally coming back and Maya was looking forward to it. Cory and the kids went to pick him up from the airport.

-I'll help you with dinner. – Maya offered.

-That would be great. – Topanga told her.

XXXXXX

That evening Maya couldn't wait to get a moment alone to talk to Shawn. She didn't have to wait a long time for it. As soon as Shawn walked into the apartment and greeted Topanga he hugged Maya and said:"Hey kiddo. I missed you."

-I missed you too. – Maya said still holding onto him. She didn't realize until this moment how much that was true. Shawn was more of a father to her then her real father ever was. Her mother and Shawn dated for a two years before he and Katy broke up. Maya never knew why they ended it. All they told her was that they were better off as friends and that Shawn would still be in her life.

Maya always connected with Shawn in a way she could never connect to anyone else. Shawn grew up in an even worse situation then she has. At least Maya had a mother that stayed. Shawn's dad could never do that. No one else understood the pain that Maya felt because of that. Except Shawn.

-So, how is Josh treating you? Do I need to beat him up? – Shawn joked.

-He is wonderful. I am very lucky. – Maya smiled.

-He is the lucky one. – Shawn concluded. – So you are happy?

-I really am.

-Good. – Shawn said. – You deserve it.

They sat on the couch while the Matthews conveniently all went to the kitchen.

-Can I ask you something? – Maya started timidly.

-Anything you want. You know that.

Maya smiled and continued: "Why did you decide to go to college?"

-Are you deciding whether to go to college or not? – He asked.

-Maybe. – Maya answered.

Shawn was glad Maya came to him. He cared a lot about her and he knew this was an important moment for her. He felt like a parent and it felt good.

-Honestly, I never meant to go. I didn't think I was good enough for college. I didn't think it's for me. I was scared and I didn't come from a highly educated family so no one pressured me to go. Except for Cory. He always believed in me and he knew I could do it even when I didn't. He never lost faith in me. And I am glad I went. It showed me that the world is a lot bigger than a trailer park. It was a good decision. So I am not going to tell you to decide what is right for you. I am going to push you because I never had an adult who cared enough about me to do the same. I am going to believe in you and I am going to be your safety net. I want you to choose what you want to study because you love it. I want you to find something that you are passionate about and I want you to try very hard and pursue it. But there is no way I am letting you not go to college. I have some money saved up. I think it's enough for a college tuition.

-I could never ask you to do that. – Maya did not expect it.

-You didn't ask. I offered. – Shawn wouldn't take no for an answer.

Maya didn't know what to say. No one ever cared about her the way Shawn does. She could only hug him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face on his shoulders.

-Thank you. – Maya said. – For being there for me…and for everything.

Shawn put his arms around Maya: „Just promise me that you will deal with your situation better than I did and not run away. You learn in life when you stay and fight. Even if that is harder then running away it is also a lot more rewarding. I know that know."

-I promise. – Maya said. – Can you promise me that you will do the same?

-I promise. – Shawn meant it.

-Those two are great together. – Riley said to her father. They all pretended that they weren't listening to the whole conversation.

-They really are. – Cory responded and hugged his daughter.

A/N: Hi guys, sorry this one took so long. Thank you all for your comments it means a lot to me. I hope you like this one. I debated for a while whether i should end the story with that last chapter or continue it but it didn't feel finished to me. Now that Maya and Josh got together there is more room for other aspects of Maya's life and the rest of the gang and i hope you guys will stay with me while i explore them. Enjoy and let me know what you think about the story so far :)


	9. Incredulity

-I've decided to be a teacher. – Riley proclaimed one day while they were sitting at _Topanga's_.

-That's great Riles. – Maya said. – I know you'll be a great teacher.

-I don't know yet what I wanna do but I applied to Harvard and Yale. – Farkle said. – I also applied to NYU because I know none of you could get into either one of those and I would miss you terribly.

-That's nice Farkle. – Lucas responded. – I am following my childhood dream of being a veterinarian. NYU has a great program for it. So are we all applying to NYU? Maya?

Maya spent a couple of days thinking about what Shawn said to her. And she decided to go to college: "What the hell. Life has been good this year. Maybe my luck hasn't run out. I am going to study art."

-I am so proud of you Maya. – Riley said. – So what schools will you apply to?

-All of them. – She said. – One of them is bound to accept me.

-That's the spirit. – Farkle offered as a support.

-I have to go guys, I'm meeting Josh in ten minutes. We are doing dinner and a movie tonight.

Maya said goodbye to her friends and went to meet Josh. It was a cold December day but it wasn't snowing. Maya loved winters in New York. Mostly because she never spent it anywhere else but also because the city looked beautiful when it was covered in white. She shoved her hands further in her pockets and picked up her pace. She was meeting Josh in front of their favorite restaurant. It was a small Italian restaurant on the corner of Rivington and 40th street that they accidentally found one day when they were trying to hide from the rain. The food was really good and they started going there every Tuesday. Maya was running late. When she finally arrived, Josh was already inside, sitting at their table in the corner, next to the window. _Gabrioli's_ wasn't a very well-known place so they never needed to make reservations and it felt like a very intimate place. A place just for the two of them.

-Sorry I'm late. – Maya said. Josh stood up to kiss her.

-I hope you didn't wait for too long. – She added.

-Don't worry. I'd wait a life time for you. – Josh replied.

-It's things like these that you say that get me into trouble.

-What do you mean by trouble? – Josh was curious.

-You're not even using them as a line. You really mean them, don't you? – Maya was curious.

-I have no idea what you mean. – Josh said honestly.

-I never had a boyfriend before you. You know that. I spent half of my life pining over you. But I never thought that it would feel this amazing. Even with you I thought it can never be this good. And I was never good with love. I don't mean just romantic love I mean every kind. And there is just one person in this world that I ever said those words to. And that person is Riley. It means a lot to me and I would never say them lightly. I hope you know that. So here it goes. – She swallowed a huge lump in her throat and continued. – I love you Josh. We've been together for a couple of months now and I don't think it's early, in fact I think it's long over do and I love you. I loved you since I first met you and I never stopped. And it is really hard for me to open up and let someone in but I am doing it. I am a strong person. I've been through a lot and I learned how to protect myself but I am letting you in. With just those three little words I am letting you in and I am giving you the power to destroy me. But I love you. Every minute of every day and you needed to know that and I needed to say it. And I didn't plan to do it now or here. It just happened. But I love you. I love you.

Maya could hear her heart beating really fast in every part of her body. Her palms were sweating and she started to play nervously with her fingers. But her eyes never left Josh's.

-Well shoot. – He finally said with a smile on his face. Maya's heart stopped beating.

-I wanted to be the first one who said it. And now I can't top that. - He finished.

Maya could feel her lips stretch into a smile.

-I love you too. – He said. – And I will spend the rest of my life telling you that. You will hear it every day and I will mean it every time. I love you Maya Hart. I utterly, madly, stupidly love you.

He took her hand and they both leaned over the table and kissed.

-How about we skip the dinner and the movie. – Maya suggested. – How about we go to my place. My mom is at work and we can order in.

-I'm guessing we are not going to watch a movie at your place either. – Josh said with a big smile.

-Nope. – Maya replied with an equally big smile.

-I've never loved you more. – He said and Maya laughed. They ran out of the restaurant.

-Wait, wait. – Josh said and pulled her into a kiss. All of sudden, New York didn't feel so cold anymore.

-Are you sure? – He asked. – We don't have to do anything. We can wait.

-I don't want to wait. – Maya said quickly. – I am ready. I've been ready for a long time.

New York is very romantic in December. You can feel it in the air. The way that everything slows down for a second and all you can hear is happy people laughing. The way that street lights twinkle in the fog and children await for the snow. Maybe it's the fact that Christmas is just around the corner or maybe it's the fact that Maya was in love and no matter what month it was, it was going to be beautiful.

They took the subway to Maya's home and they spent the entire ride kissing. Josh always hated those people on public transports that couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Now he understood them. Now he was one of them. And it felt good. They reached their destination after what seemed like forever and Maya quickly unlocked the door. They stumbled their way across to Maya's room, still kissing. They managed to take off their coats without breaking the kiss and Josh pushed Maya against the wall. He kissed her neck. Maya liked that. She reciprocated with nibbling his ear. He moaned.

-We can stop at any moment if you want. – Josh whispered.

-Shut up and kiss me. – Maya responded.

He picked her up and carried her to the bed. Josh took his shirt off. Maya's eyes wondered all over his body. The boy was well built.

-Where have you been hiding all that? – She asked in a mock seductive voice.

He laughed and said: "I am disappointed you haven't been paying better attention."

Maya laughed. She turned them around so that now she was on top.

-Now it's my turn. – She said and took off her shirt. Josh set up straight and looked her in the eyes.

-You are beautiful. – He said. – You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I love you.

-I love you too. – Maya whispered. They started kissing again. They took off their clothes and let each other explore their bodies. This was Maya's first time but she never felt nervous. Josh made her feel safe. With every stroke of his hand she felt more amazing. He knew exactly what do and where to touch her to give her more pleasure. I guess it's true what they say about sex, it can be truly great when it's with someone you love. And these two really loved each other.

-You really know your stuff. – Maya said after they finished. Josh laughed. Her head was rested on his shoulder and he was stroking her hair.

-I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was amazing for me too. – Josh replied.

-So… - Maya started carefully. – With how many girls have you done it before?

-It doesn't matter. – Josh responded. – This may not have been my first time but it was different than any time before. It was better. And it was better because I love you more than anyone I loved before. And that makes it special. You are special. – He kissed her forehead.

-I want to spend the rest of my life in this bed. Like this. With you. – Maya said.

-I'd like that. – Josh responded.

They fell asleep like that. Safe in each other's arms. It started snowing outside.

XXXXXX

-Katy? Are you there? – Maya heard from the distance.

-Is anybody home? – She heard again. She opened her eyes. Josh was laying next to her with his arm around her waist.

-Maya? – A familiar voice asked and opened Maya's bedroom door.

It was Shawn. Maya screamed. Shawn screamed at the same time. Their screams woke up Josh and he jumped out of bed. Maya pulled the covers over her head.

 _This can't be happening._ – She thought.


	10. Justification

It's been ten minutes. Maya and Josh have been sitting on the couch in Maya's living room for the past ten minutes and Shawn still hasn't said a word. He sat in the chair across from them in silence. Maya was wearing Josh's shirt and Josh was in his boxers with a blanket wrapped around him. They were wearing the same thing they fell asleep in. After Shawn saw them in bed together he quickly closed the door _._ _I am not her father_. - He thought. - _I don't have the right...Screw it._

-Living room. Living room right now! - He screamed.

Maya and Josh looked at each other. Josh grabbed the blanket and they both ran out into the living room.

 _He is not my father._ \- Maya thought. _\- I don't have to justify myself to him...Oh screw it._

-I am 18 years old. And we've been daring for a while and we knew each other a lot longer. I have nothing to be sorry for. This was not a mistake. - Maya said all in one breath.

-Shawn, you've known me my whole life. I love this girl and you know I would never do anything to hurt her. - Josh said.

-Did you use protection? - Shawn asked with a low voice.

-Yes. - Said Maya.

-Of course. - Added Josh at the same time.

They sat there in silence for a couple of moments. Maya tried to decrypt the look on Shawn's face. And Josh tried to plan the perfect exit strategy. Then Shawn interrupted their thoughts by saying: "I am not your father. I know that. But I care about you. And sex is complicated. It's messy and it is not something you should share with just anybody. But I trust you. Both of you. I trust that you love each other and that you are mature enough to handle this. But I am going to tell your mother and we'll see what she has to say about this."

Maya and Josh were relieved. And then Shawn added: „And Josh…I might know you your whole life but if you hurt her in any way I will not care that your brother is my best friend and I will forget that I like you. I will kill you and bury your body so deep, no one will ever find it. Are we clear?"

-Yes. – Josh answered with a frightened whisper. Maya was mad at Shawn for talking to them like they were two children caught with their hands in the cookie jar, but only for a second. And then she realized she was glad she had someone in her life that cared enough to talk to her like that. They both stood up to go to the room and get dress and then Maya suddenly remembered something: "Wait a minute." – She said, "What are you doing here?"  
-What? – Shawn said clearly uncomfortable.

-Why did you come here? And how did you get in? – Maya wondered.

-The door was unlocked. And I am here…um…to see you. – Shawn answered nervously.

-Liar. – Maya continued. – You said Katy when you came in. You called for her first…You were here to see my mother.

-No…I… - Shawn tried to interrupt.

-You were here to see my mother…Why were you here to see my mother?

-Maya…

-You still like her, don't you? – Maya continued. – You want her back.

-It's not that easy. – Shawn started. – I was here to see her, yes but…

-I knew it! – Maya exclaimed. – You still love her!

-Maya…I can't….I walked out. I wasn't ready…I ran.

-So why are you here now? – Maya asked.

-I don't know. – Shawn made a pause and then continued. – Maybe I'm tired of things not working out. Maybe I want more…I am ready for more. You know, after we had that talk I wanted to keep my promise. I wanted to stop running. I screwed up last time. I got scared. It's not that your mother and I didn't work out. I just… I care about you and I care about your mother. A lot. But I couldn't be for you what you needed me to be. And your mother was scared too. We just didn't know how to let ourselves be happy. But I want it all. I want a family. I want you as my family.

-What makes you ready now? What is stopping you from running away again? – Maya had to know.

-I made you a promise. – He answered. – And I never lied to you.

-"Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it." – Maya mumbled.

-What is that? – Shawn asked.

-It's just something I once read somewhere. – Maya said. – I never really understood it until now.

-And what does it mean to you now? – Shawn wanted to know.

-It means that I trust you. – She answered. – Maybe I am ready for more too.

-I'm so glad you two have everything figured out. – Katy's voice reached them from the door. They all turned towards her.

-We should really start locking those doors. – Maya broke the silence.

-Katy…How long have you been standing there? – Shawn wondered.

-Long enough. – Katy shortly answered.

-We're…um…going to go now.– Maya said and guided Josh back to her room.

There was a long pause before either one of them spoke. Shawn looked at Katy. She was even more beautiful than the last time he saw her. Even her tiered and worried eyes lit up when she saw him.

-It's been awhile. – Shawn started.

-What are you doing here Shawn? - Katy asked.

-I was just passing by. – Shawn said. – So…how's everything?

-It's the same. Nothing's changed really. – Shawn could see restrain on her face. She didn't want to have this conversation. Maybe she didn't even want to see him. But he had to tell her.

-I'm stalling, sorry. I had something I needed to say.

-Am I going to need a drink for this? – Katy joked.

-Hopefully not. – Shawn said. – I had this whole speech planed out. I even practiced it in the mirror. But I can't remember a single word now. I do remember the point of the speech. I wanted you to know that I am sorry about everything that went down between us.

-People break up all the time. – Katy assured him. – It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault. – She crossed her arms on her chest.

-People brake up when they have a reason. When someone is cheating or when they fall out of love, but that never happened with us. We were just scared. And I don't want to be scared anymore. I am tiered of running. I want to have a life with you.

-What about what I want? – Katy asked.

-What do you want? – Shawn wanted to know.

-I want someone who is not a flight risk. I want some stability. For me and for Maya. I want someone who will stay. You went away. – A tear started to roll down her eyes.

-And you let me. – Shawn added. – We both made a mistake.

-You didn't come back.

-I'm here now.

-Why?

-Because I love you. – Shawn said.

Katy took a deep breath. She wiped away her tears and said: „Maybe love is not enough. We tried it already, remember? Just love and it didn't work out."

-We weren't ready.

-And we are now? – Katy wondered.

-Yes. – Shawn assured her. – We are. I love you and I know you love me too.

-What makes you so sure? Why is this time any different?

-I quit my job. – Shawn said. – I am not going to travel anymore. I am staying here and I am going to write articles from New York. Maybe start writing a book.

-So I made you give up your dream? – Katy said in a sad voice.

-Don't you get it? That is not my dream anymore. This right here is. You and Maya are my dream. - Shawn wanted to scream those words. He wanted to embed them in Katy's heart so she never forgets them. – I never fought for anything in my life but I am here now fighting for you.

-Really? – Katy finally dropped her gard.

-Really. – Shawn said and stepped closer to her.

-I love you too. – She said and kissed him. Everything felt right in that moment.

In the other room Maya and Josh got dressed but they didn't dare leave the room.

-What do you think they are talking about? – Maya wanted to know. She paced in circles.

-I don't know. Do you think they are getting back together? – Josh wondered. He was sitting on her bed.

-Maybe.

-Do you want them to get together? – He asked her.

-I don't know. – Maya answered honestly. – They were good together. But I couldn't watch them break up again. I lost a dad twice.

Josh stood up and hugged her. He couldn't even pretend he understood what she was going through. He wished he could take all of her pain away. But he couldn't. All he could do was hold her and hope that it was enough. "You'll be okay. Everything is going to be okay." – He said. And Maya believed him.

Maya heard her mom calling her name. "Could you come here for a second honey?"

-Want me to come with you or stay here? – Josh asked.

\- Stay with me. – She answered.

She took his hand and they walked in the living room together. Shawn and Katy were sitting on the couch so Maya sat in one of the chairs across from them and Josh sat in the other one.

Katy and Shawn were both smiling. Maya knew instantly. They were back together. But she didn't knew how she felt about it. She should be happy. Her mom looked happy. Shawn was back in their lives for good. She wondered what was wrong with her. Even though Maya Hart would never admit it out loud, she was scared. Scared that for the first time in a long time she had something to lose. She knew her story doesn't have a happy ending. First she got together with Josh and now Shawn and Katy. Something bad was coming next. Maya could feel it.

Katy told them the good news.

-Congratulation. – Josh screamed excitedly.

-Congratulation. – Maya repeated with what fake excitement she could gather. She put on her best smile and hugged both Shawn and Katy. "I am so happy for you." Her voice sounded sincere and Shawn and Katy took it as truth, but if they could have seen her face, they would have seen her lip quiver as she bit the inside of her cheeks to stop herself from crying and they would notice the worry in her eyes. She stepped back and repainted the smile on her face.

-How about we all go out for a celebratory breakfast? – Shawn suggested.

-Yes. It will be fun. Josh join us. – Katy added.

But before Josh could accept the invitation, Maya interrupted: "You know what? You guys should go. You haven't seen each other in so long. You have a lot to catch up on. We'll stay here and then we can all do something fun together when you get back."

-Okay. We can do that. – Katy confirmed. She walked toward her daughter, kissed her on her forehead and said: "And we are going to have a talk about birds and bees when I get back, young lady."

-Love you. – Maya said.

-Love you more. –Katy responded.

Maya and Josh were left alone.

-You are not so happy, are you? – Josh knew. He always knows.

-I'm fine. – Maya tried to hide it.

-Don't do this. Don't shut down on me. Don't build up walls. I am here for you. Talk to me.

-No. – Maya said. – I'm a horrible person and an even worst daughter. What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy for them?

-I see it sometimes even with me. You get so happy and then you pull back because you think it can't last. And I get it. Your past is messy and I would have a hard time getting over it too. But that's what it is, a past and you have to stop going back to it. If you need time that's fine but you need to learn how to be happy and just happy. No waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your life can be good. And I would never let anything bad happen to you. And it's not something that happens over a night, it's a process.

-I don't know where to start. – Maya said.

-You can start with me. You can trust that I will never hurt you and I will always be there for you. Okay?

-Okay. – Maya smiled. – I trust you.

A couple of days past. Maya tried her best to put on her happy face. And it worked. Only Josh could see through her cover. He would hold her hand under the table during family dinners and they would exchange meaningful glances when no one else was watching. After awhile, Maya didn't pretend anymore. She finally believed that she could be happy and wanted to try. They would go on picnics, movies, even just walks through the park. Just the three of them. But Maya liked it best when they all stayed in and Shawn would tell some horrible joke that made them both laugh and Maya would tell them about her day and Katy would give her advice and sometimes Maya would just sit there with a smile and listen. Just listen. It sounded like joy. It felt comfortable. It felt safe. And Maya needed safe. Only other times she felt safe was when she was with Josh. Finally it sank in to Maya that this was the life she was meant to have. Everything was falling into its place. Her mom and Shawn were great together, she was happy with Josh and her friendship with Riley and the rest of the gang was never better.

One time she even accidentally called Shawn dad.

-I'm sorry. – She said the second after that.

-It's okay. I don't mind. – He responded with a smile.

-You don't? – She asked.

-Maya I will never replace your father. Even if I could, I would never know how. And you may not have my DNA, but you are every bit of mine as you are his. And if you want to call me dad, I am fine with it. And if you are not ready yet and this was just an accidental slip up, that's okay too.

Maya smiled. She liked that she had someone to call dad. She liked it a lot. Maya was happy and she trusted the universe that the other shoe will never drop.

XXXXXX

-I'll open it. - Maya yelled when she heared the door ringing. Katy was making dinner and Josh was in her room. They were playing video games. Maya was happy. Ecstatic even. But life is not a fairy tale. Just when we hope for the best, life throws us a curve ball.

-Hi Maya. - the guy at the door answered. Maya didn't know who it was. Or at least she did not want to know. But she recognized his voice. It sounded a lot nicer then she remembered it but it still sent chills down her spine. She remembered all the times he took her to a playground or tossed a ball with her but she also remembered how he used to scream at her and fight with her mom. But most of all, she remembered how he left.

-Dad? – She asked with a quivering voice, fighting back the tears. She will not cry over him again.

 _The universe sucks_. – She thought.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, hope the long chapter makes up for it. I love all your comment, they mean the world to me so keep them coming and enjoy :)


	11. Kermit

-Why are you here? – She asked.

-Princess… - He tried to explain.

-Don't call me that. I don't want to see you. – She said and tried to close the door with him on the other side. But he was stronger and he held the door, stopping them from getting shot.

-Please Maya, I just need a minute. – He started.

Maya stepped away from the door and her father walked in. They were five feet from each other.

-A minute? You were gone for half my life and you think you can fix everything in a minute? Go away. Go back to that other family that you left us for and don't come back. Ever. – Maya got angrier with every word she said. Every word she spoke was laced with venom.

She remembered the last time she saw him. It was a warm day and she was wearing a blue dress. She ran towards him as soon as she saw him coming.

-Daddy! Daddy! – She laughed. He picked her up and spun her around.

-There's my little princess. Have you decided what you want for your birthday? – He asked her with a kind smile.

-I want a pony. And crayons.

-A pony? Well, you are quite modest. You get that from your mother. When I asked her the same question, she said a diamond neckless.

-I want a diamond neckless too! – Little Maya screamed.

-Of course you do. – He said with a smile. He kissed her forehead and put her down. She ran off to play with her friend. When it was her bed time he tucked her in and kissed her forehead.

-Good night my little princess. – He smiled at her.

-Daddy, I am scared of the monster under my bed. – Little Maya said.

-There is no monster under your bed. – He comforted her.

-But what if there is? – Maya was persistent.

-If there is, you also have nothing to worry about because I am here to keep you safe and I will always be here. No monster will ever hurt you.

-Promise?

-I promise.

-Good night daddy.

-Good night.

He left that night. And Maya never saw him again. She was six.

And now he is back.

-Can I talk to your mom at least? – He asked.

-No. – Maya responded instantly. – She is finally happy. You don't get to come back and ruin that. Go away. I don't want to see you.

-Maya who is that? – She heard her mother ask from the kitchen.

Katy popped her head from the kitchen and her eyes got filed with tears the second she saw him.

-Kermit? – Was the only thing she could say.

Shawn showed up right behind her: "Kermit? As in your ex-husband Kermit?"

Katy nodded in response. Maya turned around and walked straight to her room. She heard her mother yell her name, but she didn't stop. She kept walking until she could slam her bedroom door behind her.

"He is here. My dad is here." She thought. "Why is he here? What does he want?" Maya had so many questions. So many questions she would never get to ask him because she was so mad. "I won't speak to him. I can't."

-Maya? – Josh said when she entered the room. She was leaning against the door. She looked upset. He walked towards her. – What's wrong?

Maya didn't speak. She couldn't. Her mind was rushing and all she could think about is how much she didn't want to see her father. She was just starting to get used to her new family. Katy, Shawn and Maya were finally happy. Just them. And now her father is back. Maya's breathing got faster. Her legs failed her and she started to fall. Josh caught her in time.

-I got you. – He said. Maya was having a panic attack. Josh gently put her on the ground. He put one of his hands on her knee and held her hand in the other one.

-I… can't… breath. – Maya managed to say between breaths.

-You're having a panic attack. You need to calm down. – Josh tried to help.

-I… can't. – She gasped. Her chest started hurting.

Josh looked franticly around the room, trying to find something that can help.

-Try counting with me. Can you do that? – He asked.

Maya nodded.

-Okay. Good. – He said.

-1…2…3… - They started counting together. They reached 20 and the panic attack didn't stop.

Maya put her hand on her chest. She was in pain. Josh didn't know what to do. He could only think of one thing. He kissed her.

Maya stopped breathing. That calmed her heartbeat. Josh pulled away.

-Are you okay? – He asked.

-You stopped it. – Her breathing was back to normal and she didn't feel any chest pain. – How did you do that?

-I saw somewhere that a kiss can stop a panic attack. It stopes your breathing. That helps. What happened?

-My dad is here. – She said in a whisper.

XXXXXX

-Hey Katy. – Kermit said. – You look great.

-Why are you here? – Katy demanded to know.

-Can we talk?

-I think it's a little too late for that.

-Please. It won't take long.

Katy could never resist him. He was a jerk and she hated him. But he is also the reason she has Maya and she could never say no to him.

-You have one minute. – She said.

-Can we talk alone? – Kermit asked.

-No. Shawn stays. – Katy quickly responded.

-As you wish. Can I at least sit?

Katy and Shawn sat on the couch. Kermit sat on the chair across from them.

-I know it's been a while…

-Twelve years. I'd say it's more than a while. – Katy interrupted.

-First of all you need to know how sorry I am. Leaving you and Maya was the worst thing I ever did. And I never stopped feeling guilty over that.

-Good. – Katy said.

-What I did was wrong. I know that. I found someone and we had a kid. It's a boy named Bruce. And I am so happy you found someone too.

-Why are you here? – Katy asked.

-I wanted to make things between us right. I needed you to know how terrible I felt. – Kermit explained.

-You had twelve years. Twelve years! You could have called or sent a letter or something. But you didn't. Why now? Why after all this time? Do you think what you did is so forgivable?

-I don't.

-And it's not. Maya clearly doesn't want to see you so I think you better leave. – Katy said.

-I just wanted to make amends. I don't have a lot of time to do that anymore and this is something I really wanted to make up for. – Kermit said.

-What do you mean by not have a lot of time? – Katy asked against her better judgment.

-Something happened a couple of months ago. – Kermit started slowly. – I had a heart attack and I… they did some tests in the hospital… it turns out I have lung cancer. It's stage four and I am terminal.

Katy felt sorry for him. After everything he put her through, she still felt bad.

-How long do you have? – She asked in low voice.

-Doctors say about six months.

-Oh god. – Katy let out despite herself. She put her hand over her mouth. She tried holding back her tears. Shawn put his hand over her shoulder and pulled her closer. He kissed her forehead.

-I am sorry for you. I really am. But I can't. – She started crying. – I can't forgive you. You don't know how hard it was for me when you left. I had to raise a daughter by myself. And I had to work all day long just to make ends meet. And as a result I almost missed out on getting to know her. And she is so beautiful. You missed out on the best thing either one of us ever did. And now you are back but only for your own selfish reason. I don't forgive you. And I don't think I ever could.

-I think it's time for you to leave. – Shawn spoke for the first time. He stood up. Kermit stood up too.

-I'll leave. But please talk to Maya. Tell her everything. I really want to spend the rest of the time I have left getting to know her. – He put his hand in his right pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. – My phone number and address are on there. – He put the piece of paper on the table and then he left. Shawn sat next to Katy and held her in his arms as she cried.

-I need to tell Maya. – She said. – She should know.

XXXXXX

Maya was sitting on the flour and Josh was sitting behind her, with his back leaning on the bed, and his arms wrapped around her. Maya's head was rested against his chest. She was calm.

-What do you think he wanted? – Josh asked her carefully. He didn't want to cause her another panic attack.

-I don't know. And I don't even care. Whatever it is he is too late. Whether he wants forgiveness or needs a favor, he is not getting it from me. – Maya was determined.

-It was so weird seeing him too. I remember what he was like when I was little. He used to call me his little princess and he was always so caring and sweet. He used to read me bed time stories and take me to the park. – Maya stopped for a second. Her eyes filled with tears. – And then one day he was gone. He left. Just like that. How can someone do that?

-I don't know. – Josh said and kissed the back of her head.

-It's been twelve years and he came back like no time has passed. I don't get it. – She wiped her tears with her sleeve.

Katy knocked on the door and said: „Can I come in?"

She entered the room when Maya responded positively.

-He is gone now baby girl. – She started. – Josh do you think you could help Shawn clean the kitchen while I speak to my daughter?

Josh looked at Maya.

She nodded and said: "I'll be okay."

He kissed her forehead and left the room. Katy closed the door and sat on the floor next to Maya.

-Josh is a really nice guy. – Katy said.

-He's the best there is. – Maya responded.

-We should talk about your father.

-I don't want to talk about him. I don't care why he came here. I don't want to see him.

-I know. I don't want to see him either. But he is your father and you should know everything before you make that decision.

-He walked out on us mom. What else is there to know? – Maya said in anger.

-I know you're hurt. I am too. He scared us both so much it took years to let someone in again. But he is your father. And we are better now. It's not healthy to hold on to this anger. We deserve better.

-So what did he want? – Maya asked.

Katy didn't know how to start. It took her a long time to gather the courage to tell Maya about her father. She was scared of how Maya will react.

-Kermit…your father…he is not well. He is sick Maya and he doesn't have a lot of time left.

-What's wrong with him? – Maya asked in a less aggressive tone.

-He has lung cancer. And there is no cure.

-So he is dying and he wants forgiveness from those he has wronged. – Maya summarized.

-He says he wants to spend the time he has left with you.

Maya laughed. – Please. He is dying and still the only person he is thinking of is himself.

-You should talk to him. You should hear it from him.

-Why are you on his side? – Maya got angry again.

-I am not on his side. I am on yours. Always. Do you hear me? You are always my first priority. I am doing this for you. – Katy said.

Maya started crying. "How is this for me?"

-You are so young Maya. You don't know if you'll ever want to see him again in 2 or 10 years. And if you do you won't have a chance to. But you have one now and you should take it. – Katy started crying too. – So one day you don't have to regret not saying goodbye to your father.

Maya hugged her mother. They were both crying in silence. Both undeserving of the pain that is floating in their hearts. Their heart were breaking for themselves and for each other. And in that moment Maya hated him.

-I don't want to see him. Everything was fine before he showed up again. I don't want to talk to him. Nothing that he says can make this better. – Maya decided.

Okay. – Katy agreed. – You don't have to see him. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.


	12. Lonely Hearts Club

-Oh Maya. I can't believe your dad is back. – Riley said sympathetically. The girls were sitting on the bay window in Riley's room when Maya told her everything that happened yesterday.

-Yeah, I can't believe it either. – Maya responded.

-I wish I could make it better for you. – Riley said honestly.

-I know you do.

Riley smiled at her best friend and placed her head on Maya's shoulder.

-You are the strongest person I know Maya. You're going to be okay. – Riley comforted her.

-I know. – Maya answered. – Let's talk about something else. How are things between you and Lucas?

-Amazing. – Riley answered with the biggest grin on her face. – I actually wanted to ask you something…But now is not the best time. Some other time.

-Come on Riles. There is nothing going on. My father came back, I said I don't want to see him, it's over. I'm fine. We can talk about something else.

-Okay. – Riley gave in. – I was just wondering…your first time…was it good? Did it hurt?

-Riley Matthews…are you asking what I think you are asking, for the reason I think you're asking?

-I'm just curious. That's all. – Riley started to blush.

-It hurt a little. But my first time was amazing because it was with Josh and because we love each other. And I know that Lucas loves you and you love him and because of that, your first time is going to be amazing too.

-But I don't know what I have to do or say or how it is all supposed to work. – Riley was worried.

That's the beauty of it. You get to figure it all out together. He is just as clueless as you are. – Maya assured her. – He's a good guy. Just talk to him about anything that worries you.

-We should talk about it. – Riley wanted to go back to Maya's problem.

-Yeah, you and Lucas can figure it out. – Maya added.

-That's not what I meant. – Riley told her.

-I know. – Maya said sadly.

-Are you sure you don't want to see him?

-Do you think I should?

-I think you should do whatever you want as long as you didn't make the decision because of your anger. – Riley advised her.

-Damn right I am angry. I have every right to be. – Maya was relentless.

-But you won't be forever. And he is your dad. And he is dying. – Riley reminded her.

-He was my dad. A long time ago. But not anymore. He lost the right to be called my dad the day he left. – Maya said angry.

-You don't have to forgive him. You could just see him. Maybe hear his voice. Just to have something to hold onto or something to share with your kids when they ask about their grandfather. – Riley offered as a voice of reason.

-I'm not having kids. I don't want to be responsible for screwing someone up and with the role models I had, it's inevitable. And do you know what I remember every time I see him? – Maya asked. Riley shuck her head no in response.

-Pain. All I feel when he stands in front of me is pain. Unbearable, agonizing, bone-breaking pain. I had a panic attack when I saw him. Imagine what would happen if I actually talked to him. I just can't do it.

-I understand. I won't push you anymore. – Riley agreed.

And she didn't. Girls did everything they usually do when they are together. They watched movies all day, ate junk food and talked. They talked about life, books, boys, everything but Maya's dad. Maya was not the type of person that needed to talk about everything she went through. Sometimes it was easier to keep it all inside and deal with it alone. Maya just wanted to forget about her dad and not mention him at all. She knew she could never forgive him. She just needed everyone else to figure it out too. She wished he would have never showed up. He just ruined everything. She managed to avoid thinking about him all day that she spent with Riley but when she came home, the thought of her father kept lurking in her mind because Shawn mentioned him.

Katy was still at work when Maya came home that evening. Shawn was there. Maya got so used to seeing him around, that if felt like he was living with them. He spent most of his nights there anyways.

-Hey, you're just in time. – Shawn yelled from the kitchen when Maya entered. – I am making us dinner.

Maya entered the kitchen and she saw Shawn cut vegetables, while some kind of meat was cooking on the stove. It smelled delicious.

-What are you making? – Maya wondered.

-It's the everything-we-have-in-the-fridge-that's-about-to-expire-extravaganza. – Shawn answered with a smile.

-Umm, my favorite. How did you know? – Maya joked.

-Wash your hands and come help me out. – Shawn sounded like a parent.

-Aye, aye captain. – Maya responded. She washed her hands and came back to the kitchen.

-I am starving. – Maya realized right then.

-Your mom will be home soon. We'll eat then. – Shawn said. He hesitated for a while. He watched Maya as she tried to sneak a piece of meat from the pan because she was very hungry. He smiled and told her: "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I have to say it."

-Is it about my father? – Maya asked.

-Actually, it's about mine. –Shawn started. – Do you remember how he died?

-He had a heart attack. – She said.

-That's right. I was 18 when he died. – Shawn sat down at the dining room table and Maya sat next to him. – You know my father wasn't around much. My mother left and my father tried to stay but he always had something else in mind. He thought I would be happier if he had more money or if someone else was my dad so he would leave a lot. He didn't realize that what I needed and wanted more than anything in the world was for him to stay. And by the time he realized that he should spend more time with us it was too late because he died. And he wasn't a great father, Alan Matthews and Jonathan Turner were both more of a father to me then he was, but he was still my dad. So I forgave him. I forgave him for leaving because I know he did the best he could, and because everything he did including leaving me made me the person I am today. It made me a person that has you and your mother in his life. And that is pretty extraordinary.

-Is this your subtle way of telling me what to do? – Maya asked.

Shawn smiled. – I am not telling you what to do. It's up to you. I just shared my story and if you think that it is relevant to your current situation, that is a complete coincidence.

-Thank you. – Maya simply said. – And just for the record, you were more of a father to me than he ever was.

Shawn's eyes filled with tears. He hugged her and said: "I am so proud of you. "

Maya couldn't remember the last time she heard those words. They felt nice as they reached her mind. Maya would never forget them.

-I have to go see him, don't I?

-I think so kiddo. – Shawn responded.

The next morning Maya told her mother she changed her mind. Katy offered to go with her to see her father but Maya said it was something she had to do on her own. Katy still drove her to Kermit's house. He lived in a nice neighborhood with a huge house. Kermit was doing very well, or so it seemed. Katy stopped the car in front of the house but it took Maya a minute before she could walk out of the car.

-Are you okay? – Katy asked.

Maya stared at the huge estate her father owned through the windows of her mother's barely working car. She imagined Kermit in an apartment roughly the size of the one they lived in, with a paycheck that barely pays the bills because that's what they had and that's what he had when he left. The idea of forgiveness was easier when she thought he was struggling. But now she realized that her father had more than Katy and Maya would ever have and it never occurred to Kermit that he had a daughter and a wife he needed to provide for. Maya was so angry at him.

-I'm fine. – Maya lied.

-Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? – Katy offered one last time.

-I'm sure mom. I'll be fine. – Maya formed a week smile and walked out of the car.

-I'll be here if you need anything. – Katy said as Maya closed the car door. Maya waved and walked towards the house. She stood there for a couple of seconds before she knocked on the door. It took a minute for someone to open a door. A smiling curly haired boy looked up at Maya. Maya smiled at him. Her mother told her about her step brother but the news didn't seem real until this very moment.

-Bruce? – She asked as her eyes filled with tears.

-Yes. – The little boy answered? And who are you?

Maya always wanted a brother. She was always jealous of Riley because of her relationship with Auggie. And her dad robbed her of eight years of having one. She added that on the list of things she blamed her father for.

-I'm Maya. – She finally answered.

-I like your name. – The boy said.

Maya smiled and said: "I like yours too."

-Bruce, who is it? – A women's voice called from the back room.

-Maya. – Bruce answered.

-Maya who? – The women asked again and appeared in the hall.

-Kermit's daughter. –Maya answered without hesitation. She noticed how the women's face changed its color from pink to white and she watched her as she swallowed a big lump.

-Bruce sweetie, go to your room please. – She said with a trembling voice.

Bruce ran up the stairs and his mom walked up to Maya.

-He doesn't know about you. – She said.

-Well, I didn't know about him until recently. I didn't know about you either. – Maya was nervous and she didn't want to talk to this women. She barely wanted to talk to her father.

-Kermit is in his bed resting. – The women answered Maya's unasked question. – You go sit in the living room and I'll go get him.

It didn't take long for Kermit to get down. "I'm so glad you came." He told her.

-Don't get your hopes up, I'm not going to stay very long. – Maya answered.

-Can I at least say something first? – His voice almost begged.

Maya nodded.

-I know how hard it must have been for you. To grow up without a dad. To feel abandoned. And I am very sorry you had to feel that way. But I need you to know that I waked out on your mother. Our marriage wasn't working and I wasn't happy so I got out. But I never left you. I need you to know that. And I want a chance to make it up to you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you again.

-You never called. You never texted. You never sent letters. Not even on my birthday. If that doesn't seem like abandonment to you I don't know what does. – Maya was angry and heart broken and she could feel her eyes feeling up with tears. She didn't want him to see her cry. She dug her fingernail into the palms of her hands until she could feel her eyes getting dryer.

-I love you Maya. – Her dad said. She dug her fingernails a little dipper.

-I hate you. I don't want to spend time with you or get to know you. I spend years hating my mother because I thought she drove you away. She never told me that you left because she wanted me to still like my father. That's the kind of person she is. And you don't deserve her. She has always been too good for you. And everything you did to me made me who I am today and who I am is pretty incredible. I have friends and family and I love a boy and you are a bastard. You are a miserable son of a bitch but you helped shape the person that I am…So I forgive you. Because you leaving…was the best thing you ever did for me.

Maya stood up. She wanted to leave but there was one more thing she needed to say first: "I don't want any contact with you, but I do want to know my little brother. You need to tell him the truth. Today."

Maya turned around on her heel and walked through the door. On her way out Maria, Kermit's new wife asked her: "How can you not want to spend time with your dying father?"

Maya, without even turning her head, already angry, yelled back: "How can you marry someone who walked out on his family?"

A/N: Hi lovelies, I hope you enjoyed this one, your comments mean a lot to me so don't be shy and tell me what you think :)


	13. Memorabilia

Maya was laying next to Josh in her bed. She didn't sleep last night. She didn't sleep ever since she saw her father. She tossed in her bad and stared at her ceiling instead. Josh came over to check on her and she asked him to stay. Katy was spending the night at Shawn's and they were alone. Maya hoped that with Josh next to her sleep would come easy. She felt safe next to him. He would put his arms around her and everything else in the world would disappear. But not this time.

Maya turned around and laid her head on Josh's chest, with his arms still around her. She could feel his heartbeat through his shirt and it calmed her but she still couldn't sleep. She turned again, facing away from Josh. He moved closer to her and laid his head in her hair.

"Still can't sleep?" – He whispered.

-Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. – Maya responded.

-It's okay. Wanna do something that will put you to sleep? – He asked her innocently, with his eyes still closed.

Maya turned around again to face Josh and a smile crept on her face.

-What did you have in mind? – She asked.

She could see a smile form on Josh's face. "Maybe I could read you a story." He said and kissed her forehead. "Or sing you a lullaby." He kissed her cheek. "Or we can clean the house. "He kissed her neck. "Or we can just do this." He kissed her lips. Maya smiled through the kiss.

-I like this. – She said. – But I don't think it will put me to sleep.

Josh put his hands on Maya's lower back. He slowly moved them under her shirt over the length of her back. "Sleep is overrated anyways." He said and kissed her again. Maya felt a worm tingle spread from her lips to the rest of her body and soon every inch of her was covered in desire. The kiss was soft and gentle at first and then it got deeper as they put more passion into it. Maya pushed Josh on his back and sat on top of him. One of Josh's hands was on Maya's hip, while the other one was tangled in her hair. Josh's heartbeat started to speed up. No matter how many times they kiss, it still feels like the first time to Josh. He always finds something new about Maya that he never noticed before. Like the way her bottom lip trembles for a second every time they break a kiss or how her breathing starts to match his heartbeat. Every time their lips meet Josh hears drum beats in his ears. The sound of the drums echoes in his mind until they pull apart. He loved every part of her. Even the things she didn't like about herself.

Maya was always scared of getting hurt, that was not a secret to anybody. She put up walls and she pushed people away. The only ones who stayed were the ones who dared to push through. But Josh was an exception. Maya never hid from Josh. She was never scared to tell him how she felt and she never pushed him away. She trusted him.

She broke the kiss. She sat up straight and her eyes fell on the side of her bed, like her sheets were the most interesting thing in the world at that moment. She bit her lover lip. She had something on her mind and it took her awhile to form it into a coherent sentence. Josh didn't push her. He looked at her with a kind smile. He sat up straight too. His finger traced her cheek.

"It's okay." He told her after awhile. "You can say it."

Maya looked at him and said: "I can't sleep. I start to fall asleep and then he starts to appear in my head. It's like he is constantly on the verge of my mind and I push him away. But when I sleep I can't control it. And he is always there."

-Why are you so scared of thinking about him? - Josh said, immediately knowing she meant her father.

-I told him I hate him. – Her eyes filled with tears. She tried to hold them back. – And I want to hate him. I should hate him. He deserves to be hated. But I don't. I just… I resent him. I blame him. But I don't hate him.

-You not hating him says a lot more about you then it does about him. It's a good thing. – Josh told her. – You don't have to hate him. It's okay.

-He remarried. He had a child. – A sarcastic smile escaped Maya. – He is a dad. He is a dad to some kid but he could not be that for me. Why? If he could have been a dad, why couldn't he have been a dad to me? Why couldn't he love me? – Maya couldn't hold her tears back anymore. – What is about me that made him not love me?

-Oh god Maya. – Josh wiped Maya's tears away with his thumb. – It's not about you. It was never about you. Your father wasn't ready or he is just a jerk, but it's not about you. Because no one can get to know someone as wonderful as you and walk away. No one. – He meant every word of it.

-He left and that's on him. But everything after that is on you. He is just one person. One person that left. There are so many that stayed. There are so many that cared. You can't focus on the one who was not strong enough. You are worth so much more.

Maya looked into his eyes. She believed him. His words found a way to her brain and they stayed there, holding on so she can repeat them on the loop for the rest of her life.

-I am wonderful. – She smiled.

-Yes you are. – He said and kissed her.

She kissed him back, strongly and passionately. And then the kiss turned into something more.

XXXXXX

That was the first night since Maya's dad came back that she was able to sleep. Josh woke up first the next morning. He didn't want to wake up Maya, so he quietly stepped out of the bed and into the kitchen. He wanted to make her breakfast. He knew Maya liked pancakes but he had no idea how to make them. She'll have to settle for scrambled eggs and some burned toast. Josh started to cook. He grabbed eggs from the fridge and cracked them on the side on the bowl. He stirred it until it was ready and then spilled it into a pre-heated pan. He put bread in the toaster and he cut some fruit while he waited for eggs to be done. He overestimated the time it took for eggs to be done so he was soon running around the kitchen, balancing three things at once, trying not to make a lot of noise or a big mess but he was failing miserably.

Maya woke up and she stood on the doorway, watching him with a smile. He was adorable but completely helpless. She started to laugh and Josh turned to face her when he heard her. He smiled at her and hissed in pain because he burned his hand.

-Let me help you. – Maya ran towards him. She grabbed mostly black toast out of the toaster and Josh moved scrambled eggs from the stove. Then she turned towards him. "Let me see." She took his burned hand into hers and moved it towards her mouth, kissing the pain away. Then she put his hand under the cold water while she ran to the bathroom in search of the cream that helps with burns.

-It's not that bad. – Josh assured her when she came back.

-Put this on. – She said and handed him the cream.

She turned around to put the eggs in a plate and Josh walked a few steps towards her and put his arms around her waist from behind. He kissed her neck and told her: "You look really good in my shirt." Maya was wearing the shirt Josh had on last night. She smiled. He kept kissing her neck and Maya bit her bottom lip. He slowly moved his kisses up, towards her ear.

-I love you. – He whispered in her ear and started nibbling on her ear lobe. He trailed his lips down to her collarbone. Maya moaned softly.

-We should eat. – Josh said and placed his chin on Maya's shoulder. She turned around and placed her lips on his. He grabbed her hips and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and Josh carried her to the table counter. His left had held her waist and his right lingered on her thigh. Maya's hands clenched hungrily to his hair. "Breakfast can wait." She mumbled through the kiss. Josh whole heartedly agreed. They were so distracted with each other they almost missed the sound of Katy's key unlocking the door. When they did notice it Josh pulled away and Maya jumped off the counter. They pretended they were doing something in the kitchen other than kissing when Katy walked in. But they didn't fooled her. She noticed Maya's blushing cheeks and Josh's messy hair. Maya was playing with eggs in Josh's t-shirt and underwear while Josh was cutting fruit in his boxers.

-Good morning. – Katy played along.

-Good morning Ms. Heart. – Josh said chipper.

-Hey mom. We didn't notice you come in. – Maya tried to hide their kissing session.

Breakfast? – Josh offered.

-No thank you Josh. I have to change quickly and go to work. – Katy said. She kissed Maya's forehead and ran to her room.

-Think she bought it? – Maya wondered.

-No. – Josh answered. – But she's a good sport.

Maya and Josh sat down to eat at the kitchen table and Katy rushed by them. "I'll be late. I have a double shift today. I'm covering for Joy. Shawn will come by to make us dinner. You okay with that?" Katy asked in one breath.

Maya's mouth was full of food so she nodded in approval.

-See you tonight. – Katy ran out the door and then she popped her head back in: "Before I forget, check the mail. College acceptance letters are due today. Call me if anything comes. Love you."

-I completely forgot about the letters. – Maya screamed. She jumped off her seat and ran to the hall to check the mail box. Josh ran after her but when he got to the door he realized he was in his boxers. Just in his boxers. Maya came back running after 2 minutes caring three letters.

-Are you going to open them? – Josh asked excitedly.

-I can't. I have to wait for the rest of the guys. We have to open them together. We agreed to meet at Topanga's as soon as we get the letters.

-What are you waiting for? Let's get dressed.

XXXXXX

When Maya and Josh busted through the doors of Topanga's, the rest of the gang was already sitting at their table.

-What took you so long? – Riley asked.

-Come on women. I can't wait any longer! – Farkle yelled.

-We're all here now. Farkle you wanna go first? – Lucas offered.

You didn't have to tell Farkle twice. He ripped his first envelope open and immediately after opened the rest of them. "Harvard, Yale, Columbia, MIT and NYU. I got into all of them." The rest of the gang applauded and congratulated their friend.

-You're up Riles. – Farkle said.

Riley opened her first envelope. "Oh my god. I got into Columbia." She ripped the rest of her envelops. "I got into NYU too." She said less enthusiastically. "Huh, now I have to choose. I was kind of hopping I'd just get into one."

-You're gonna be great, no matter where you decide to go. – Maya assured her.

-It's your turn Lucas. – Riley said.

Lucas took a deep breath and opened his one envelope. "It's from NYU." He declared dramatically. "I got in." He declared after a dramatic pause.

-It's your turn Maya. – Lucas said with a smile.

Maya took a moment. All of her friends got into colleges. What if she didn't. What if she was the only one left, stuck behind while her friends live their lives. "There's only one way to find out." She thought. She carefully opened the firs envelope. "It's the University of Utah." She started. "I didn't get in."

-Open the next one. – Josh told her. – You didn't want to go there anyway.

That was true. "Okay. The next one. Here goes nothing." She opened the next envelope faster. "The University of California." A smile stretched across her face. "I got in." Every one cheered. It was the loudest cheer of the day. "I'm gonna be a college girl."

-Open the last one. – Riley reminded her.

Maya ripped through the last one: "It's from NYU. I got waitlisted." Everyone cheered again.

-We're all going to college! – Riley screamed. They jumped up and down ecstatically. And then a thought crossed Riley's head. "We're not going to be together."

Everyone stopped.

-I think I'm going to go to MIT. – Farkle said. – It's only 3 hours away. I'll come visit or you guys will visit me. We can even meet half way.

-Yeah. We'll see each other all the time. And you and I are definitely studding in the same city Riles. – Lucas added. – We're going to be fine. – He leaned in and kissed her.

-What about Maya? – Riley asked. – You're going to be on the other side of the country.

-I might still get into NYU. You never know. Why worry about it now. – Maya calmed her.

Josh was silent until now: „You guys should celebrate. It's a big deal. I'm going to go."

He turned to Maya: "Call me later?"

-Why don't you stay? – She asked.

-Yeah uncle Josh, stay. – Riley said.

-It's fine. – Josh smiled. – I'll see you later.

He kissed Maya and walked out. Maya sensed that something was wrong with Josh. Something felt off. "I'll be right back." She told the gang and ran after Josh. He didn't reach far. She yelled after him. He turned around and Maya ran towards him.

-What's wrong? – She asked him. – And don't say nothing because I know you better than that.

Josh gave her a week smile and said: „It's stupid and really selfish. I understand that. And I am so happy for you. I really am. You're going to be great." He paused for a second. "It's just that I never thought about you leaving and how that is going to affect us."

-Since when am I the hopeful one in this relationship? – Maya asked amused. – We waited four years for each other. Who does that?

-No one. – Josh said with a smile.

-No one. – Maya repeated. She wrapped her hands around his neck and took a step closer.

-No matter what college I end up going to you are always going to be the one I want besides me. And we can do long distant relationship. If anyone can it's us.

-We're gonna be fine. – Josh said assuring himself.

-We're gonna be fine. – Maya repeated in the same way.

Their lips met and everything in the world felt right again.

-Come on. Let's go back. – Maya said and pulled Josh's hand towards Topanga's.

-You go. You should celebrate with your friends. – Josh said. He noticed a sad look on Maya and kissed her. He added with a smile: "We're fine. Really. I just think you should do this with your friends."

-Okay. – Maya said after a while. She kissed him and walked back to Topanga's. Josh stood there, in the middle of the street, watching her. Everything about her was perfect. The way she moves, the way her hair jumps accordingly to her step. She was perfect. Josh watched her until she walked inside of the bakery. He turned around to walk back home and for a second a thought crept in side of his head. A thought he tried to chase away and act as it never came. But for a second it was how he felt. For a second, Josh Matthews wondered what life would look like if he lost Maya.


	14. Nuisance

Maya joined her friends at Topanga's still not convinced that everything was fine between her and Josh. But for the sake of celebrating, she didn't mention anything to her friends.

-We should throw a party. – Farkle said first.

-Yes! – Riley exclaimed. – We can do it at my place. My parents won't be home until tomorrow night. We can throw it tonight.

-Great. – Maya said. She remembered the last party they had at the Matthew's, her birthday party and that got her thinking about Josh. She let her mind wonder to the idea she dreaded the most. What if she really moves to California? What if she doesn't see Josh for months at the time? She never thought she could love someone as much as she loved Josh. She knew he was always there for her. And Riley…what if she also has to say goodbye to her best friend, the one person in this world who always loved her no matter what, always. And Farkle and Lucas…how can she stand not seeing them every day?

Maya decided not to think about it. She is going to focus all of her energy into throwing this party.

-I know where I can get alcohol. – She said. – But I will need some muscles.

-Lucas. – Riley and Farkle said at the same time.

-You muscular freak. – Farkle added.

-I can help. – Lucas said.

-Great. And Farkle you can help me invite people and get the apartment ready. – Riley set the plan.

-I'll call Sarah. She can pick the music. She has great taste in music. – Farkle added. They split up and went to accomplish their tasks.

Maya and Lucas left the Topanga's and turned left.

-So where exactly are we going? – Lucas wondered.

-I know a guy.

-Where is this guy?

-In Brooklyn. – Maya said reluctantly.

-You want us to go to Brooklyn to get booze? – Lucas clarified.

-Yes. – Maya said.

-You do realize your boyfriend is not underage and drives a car? – Lucas reminded her.

-Yes. – Maya answered shortly.

-Did you guys had a fight? – Lucas asked.

-No. – Maya answered. – Nothing's wrong. I already texted him about tonight and he's coming. He just can't help us now, he has something important to do. – Maya lied. She told Josh about the party and he did say he was coming but she never asked him for help.

-Something's wrong. What's going on? – Lucas noticed.

-Nothing. – Maya insisted.

-Come on Hart. I know you better than that. – He said. – You can talk to me.

-I'm just scared. I don't want to lose him. And I don't want to lose you guys. – Maya started slowly but then all her fears kept rushing forward and she couldn't stop. – If I don't get into NYU I'll have to go to California and you'll all keep seeing each other and you'll meet new friends and you'll move on with your lives and Josh will find some other girl and cheat on me with her and I'll come to visit and you'll pretend like everything is fine but we'll end up talking about the weather because we won't have anything to say to each other and then eventually we'll stop calling and visiting and I'll move back here and I'll ran into one of you but I will barely recognize you because so many years have passed and you'll all have families and new friends and you won't even be able to remember my name and we won't be friends anymore. And I'll be a little washed up artist who could and I'll end up living under a bridge because my mom and Shawn will get married and start a new family with bunch of other kids who'll have both parents and won't be screwed up like me and one day you'll scroll pass an old lady beggar on the street and you'll give her some money because she looks familiar to you but you won't remember that it's me. – Maya said all in one breath.

They reached the subway station while Maya poured her heart out. Lucas stood in front of her and put her hands on her shoulders. – Breath. – He reminded her. – Take a deep breath. In…Out. Good. – He instructed her.

-How do I put this in a nice way? – He wondered out loud. – Snap out of it. What the hell is wrong with you? – Maya looked into his eyes with surprise. She did not expect him to talk to her that way. She expected a little more understanding and compassion. This took her by surprise and left her speechless.

-If you think for one second that Riley will let you disappear from her life you are insane. You can't escape her even if you moved to Antarctic. You've been best friends since either one of you can remember. That kind of closeness doesn't just die. And Josh loves you and he loved you for years. He would move mountains to see you. And Shawn loves you like he's your actual father and your mom sacrificed everything for you. They would never leave you. And I am here. And Farkle too. We're not going anywhere. And even if we stay out of touch, you're going to California. You're going to meet new people and get new experiences and be awesome. And they have a great art program and you are an amazing artist. You are never going to be washed up. I promise you that. So stop over thinking and doubting. Life isn't always out to get you.

Maya's head stopped spinning for a second and she took a minute to appreciate Lucas's words. She took a deep breath. Those words meant everything to her. She needed her friend to stay in her life. She needed Josh to stay. Without her friends, she didn't know who she was.

-I'm scared. – She whispered with watery eyes. – I'm scared of the future.

Lucas smiled at her. – That's okay. I'm scared too. We all are. That's normal.

-Is it? – Maya asked with a week smile.

-Yes. For once Maya Hart you are just normal.

XXXXXX

The party was in the full swing when Josh arrived. People were already passed out on the floor, Riley and Lucas were making out in the corner and Farkle was dancing with Sarah. He didn't notice Maya right away. He looked around the room for her and he finally saw her dancing in the middle of the room all by herself. Her eyes were closed and she moved her whole body to a slow melody that came from the speakers. Josh felt like the world was in black and white and Maya was the only thing in color. He heard the sound of drums. They weren't coming from the speakers. The sound got louder the closer he got to Maya. He approached her from behind. He slowly put his hand around her waist and got so close that her back leaned on his chest. He kissed her neck, letting his lips linger on her burning skin. They didn't talk. For two whole songs they just danced together in silence. The rest of the world did not mater. The rest of the world did not exist. After the second song ended, Maya turned toward Josh. Her eyes were still closed.

-I missed you. – She whispered into his ear. Her lips found his and they locked in a kiss. His hands held her waist and hers roamed his back.

-I was scared. Of moving away and loosing you. And I know you are too. But I've been told that's normal so I'm not scared anymore. – Maya said after she broke the kiss.

-You believe in us? – Josh asked.

-I do. – Maya was honest.

-Good. – Josh said. – Because I'm all in.

Good. – Maya repeated and kissed him again. – I'm all in too.

XXXXXX

The rest of the party past in a blur. Everyone drank a lot and danced even more. The next morning the gang was left to clean up the mess again.

-We should really make people stay and help clean after themselves. – Maya protested after scraping the floors for 20 minutes.

-People are pigs. – Farkle agreed.

-At least Sarah stayed to help. – Riley stayed positive.

-No problem. I really enjoyed the party. – Sarah said with a smile.

-Hey Maya. – Josh called for her. – A bunch of my friends are going to Smithies' pub tonight. Wanna go?

-I can't. They don't let underaged kids in and I don't have a fake ID.

-Right. I completely forgot. – Josh said. – It's fine. We can do something else.

-You should go if you want to. It's fine. – Maya said.

-No. I want to spend the night with you. – He responded with a smile.

-You can go with your friends and then we can just meet up after that. – Maya compromised.

-You okay with that? – Josh wondered.

-Why wouldn't I be? – Maya smiled. He kissed her cheek.

-Okay then. I'll call you after we're done and I'll meet you at your place?

-You'll have to go through the window, my parents are home tonight. I mean my mom and Shawn are home tonight. – Maya said.

-Deal. – He smiled at her and then kissed her. – I have to go. I have a class in an hour. – He said so everyone could hear him.

-Oh shoot. It's Friday, we have classes too. – Farkle reminded them.

-We already got into college. We can skip a couple of classes. – Maya responded.

-I think we should do like a senior ditch day. Just the five of us. – Lucas offered an idea.

-I like that. – Riley agreed. – But not today. I am too tired.

Yeah. – The rest of the gang agreed.

After they cleaned the apartment Maya, Farkle and Sarah left. Riley asked Lucas to stay and help her with one more thing that needed to be fixed but Maya had a pretty good idea that's not what Riley wanted to do alone with Lucas today.

-Good luck. Don't be nervous. – Maya whispered to her best friend as they were saying goodbye.

"They grow up so fast." Maya said to Farkle.

-What? – He didn't understand.

-Nothing.

XXXXXX

Josh forgot when the last time he went out without Maya was. He saw his friends all the time but always at school or in a setting related to school. They've been dating for eight months now and he loved every minute of it. He never wanted to be away from Maya. He didn't miss going out or drinking with his friends until tonight. Tonight he realized how much he missed them.

He walked into the Smithies' pub at 9 o'clock sharp. He looked around, searching for his friends. The pub was dark and cozy. Soft blues played from the jukebox in the corner. The place was full with college kids. He said hi to some of the people he recognized and then he noticed his friends standing next to a pull table. He joined them. Soon enough they were all hugging him and expressing their excitement that he was there. His three best friends, Matt, Nick and Ryan were there and Matt and Ryan brought their girlfriends. Josh knew Matt's girlfriend Kelly, but the other one, Stacey he met for the first time.

-So where is Maya? You talk about her so much yet we've never met her. – Nick asked.

-I'm starting to think she doesn't even exist. – Matt teased him.

-She's very real. – Josh replied. She was busy tonight. Sorry guys. – Josh couldn't bring himself to tell them that his girlfriend couldn't legally be in the pub.

-What could be more important than us? – Ryan asked in a mock hurt voice.

-I bet she had to go home for her bed time. – Matt joked. They knew Maya was younger then Josh and they liked to joke about that a lot. For his friends it was just innocent fun but it really bothered Josh.

-A friend of her broke up with her boyfriend so she is comforting her tonight. – Josh lied.

-That's too bad. We were really looking forward to meeting her. – Ryan offered honestly.

-Next time. – Josh said. He told himself that there will be a next time but the truth was, Josh wasn't sure he wanted his friends to ever meet Maya. He loved her with everything he has. He wanted to be with her all the time. He knew how smart and mature she was. And he knew his friends would love her. But Josh looked at his friends and he looked at their college girlfriends and he could not picture Maya spending time with them, talking about the same stuff that they talk about. He was worried that they will see her as just a kid.

Josh hated himself for thinking that. He hated that sometimes he spent the nights laying awake next to Maya, thinking how long will it last until their age catches up to them. Three years was not a lot. He knew that. But sometimes he noticed it in the smallest of details. He noticed it in the music they listened or in the type of party they would rather go to. But he loved her so much it didn't matter. But he thought that if he saw Maya in the same room as his friends, he wouldn't be able to ignore it anymore. So he avoided ever introducing them.

-Who wants a beer? Next round is on me. – Josh changed the subject.

They played pull, joked around and drank a lot of beer. They drank so much, Josh forgot that he was supposed to meet up with Maya later.

XXXXXX

Maya slept through the entire day. She was so tired from the last night's party. When she woke up it was 10:17 pm. Maya remembered Josh was meeting his friend at 9 so she knew she had a lot of time before he would come over. She got up and made herself something to eat. Katy and Shawn were already asleep. Then she took a shower and put on some make up. Not much, just a little blush and mascara. She let her hair down so her curls felt softly on her shoulders. It was 11:25 pm. She put on her nicest pair of underwear and short shorts and a shirt Josh left over that she always slept in. She did not expect him before midnight. She put on some music and cleaned her room to kill some time. She ended up cleaning her closet too. It was half past midnight when she finished. She texted Josh: "Do you know when you will be coming over?"

She waited for a couple of minutes but he didn't answer. She paced her room, laid on her bed staring at the ceiling, still no answer from Josh. She opened her bedroom window and watched cars and people passing by below her. She loved living in New York. She loved how the city was always awake and the streets were never empty. She saw two people kissing across the street from her window and she wished Josh was here with her. She almost felt his breath on her neck and his hands on her hips as she thought about him. She grabbed the first book from her shelf and started reading it. It was 01:20. Maya had to realize by now…Josh wasn't coming.


	15. Outbreak

Maya didn't get mad. It was almost as she expected this to happen. She couldn't sleep so she decided to go for a walk. She put on a pair of jeans and a hoody and climbed out of the window because she didn't want to wake up Katy and Shawn. She walked down the street without any real idea of where she wanted to go. What was happening to her and Josh? Everything was going so well. They loved each other and yet something felt off. She couldn't put her finger on what exactly. She wanted it to work. More than anything in the world. But she has been hurt before and she didn't want to make it harder for herself so why would she fight for something that would never last anyway?

Why didn't he come? Was he so busy with his friends that he forgot about her? Or did he get drunk? Maybe he just didn't want to see her. She didn't want to be the one to call him. He still didn't answer her text. Maya wondered the streets in a desperate need for a safe haven and before she realized where she was going, she found herself outside of the Matthews house. She smiled. Of course she would come here. She climbed the fire escape to the fort flor, just outside Riley's bay window. She slid the window open, of course it was unlocked. She snuck in quietly and closed the window behind her again. She slowly walked towards Riley's bed and whispered her name. Riley didn't respond so Maya shook her shoulder over the covers. The person under the covers turned around and Maya let out a low scream of surprise. It was Lucas not Riley. Riley was laying next to him and she woke up when she heard the scream. She turned on the lamp that stood next to her bed and asked Maya what time it is.

-It's late. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were still here. – She said and pointed to Lucas.

-My parents decided to stay another night in Philadelphia so I asked Lucas to stay the night. – Riley explained. – What are you doing here?

-I sort of had a thing…But it is not that important. I'll go. I'm sorry. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

She turned around and walked towards the window when she was interrupted by Riley's voice: "It's fine. Stay. Tell us what's wrong."

-It doesn't seem all that important now. I really don't know why I came. I went for a walk and I just ended up here. I didn't even realize where I was going.

-I'm gonna go to the kitchen. Something tells me this requires ice scream. –Lucas said.

-Thanks. – Maya said.

-You're the best. – Riley said when he leaned in for a kiss.

Maya sat on the bed next to Riley as soon as Lucas left the room.

-What's going on? – Riley asked.

-It's Josh. I think there's something wrong with us. We were supposed to meet up tonight after he was done with his friends and he never showed up. I texted him and he didn't answer me. And he felt kind of distant when I got into college in California. I think he might want to break up. – Maya explained.

-I'm sure that's not true. You're just over thinking it. I'm sure he just didn't realize how late it was when he finished and thought you were asleep so he decided to not wake you up.

-I texted him. He knew I was awake.

-Maybe he drank a lot and fell asleep. – Riley offered.

-Maybe. – Maya said. – I don't know.

She laid down where Lucas was laying a minute ago and Riley laid next to her.

-So you and Lucas…how was it? – Maya changed the subject.

Riley smiled the second Lucas's name was mentioned.

-It was amazing. If I knew it would feel so good, I would have done it a long time ago.

-That's my girl.

-And he does this thing with his tongue…

-Oh no, no. God no. – Maya interrupted her. – I don't want to know what Ranger Rick does with his tongue.

Riley laughed.

-I'm really happy for you. – Maya said. – You deserve this.

-Thanks. And I am sure everything is fine with Josh and you. Just wait until tomorrow. Don't go crazy.

Maya nodded in agreement. They laid next to each other in silence for awhile.

-Do you think it's weird I never met his friends? – Maya asked.

-I don't know. You've been dating for awhile now. Maybe.

-It's just, he is hanging with us a lot. He knows all of you guys and yet he never introduced me to any of his friends.

-Did he ever ask you to join them? – Riley asked.

-Yes. But always out in some pub or when I had something else going on.

-It's probably nothing. Just ask him about it tomorrow and I'm sure he'll give you a reasonable explanation.

Lucas walked in holding a huge box of ice cream and three spoons.

-Am I allowed to be a part of the girl talk? – He asked.

Riley and Maya shared a look.

-Since you are carrying ice cream, we'll allow it. – Maya answered.

-Isn't he the best? – Riley asked with a huge smile.

Lucas sat on the bed across from them.

-So what's going on? Anything I can help with? – He asked.

They dug into the ice cream and Maya told them about Josh again. Lucas listened and offered Maya some advice from a guy perspective. He made Riley and Maya laugh and they turned a bad night into one that Maya would remember for the rest of her life.

XXXXXX

Maya snuck back in her room through the window at 5 am. She knew her mom has an early shift and she couldn't have risked not being in her bed when her mom comes in to check on her. She fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. The buzzing of her phone woke her up. It was a text from Josh: "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't realize how late it was when we finished and I had a couple of drinks and didn't see your text until tomorrow. Hope you're not mad. Want to meet for breakfast?"

Maya answered: "It's fine. I ended up having a great nigh. Wanna meet at Topanga's in an hour?"

"Great. See you then. Love you."

"Love you too."

Maya smiled. Riley was right after all. She had nothing to worry about. She brushed her teeth, put on jeans and a red shirt and put mascara on her eye lashes. In 20 minutes she was ready to go. When she came to Topanga's, Josh was already there.

He hugged her tight. "I missed you. Sorry about last night."

-It's fine. It happens. – She smiled.

They kissed and sat down. They ordered waffles and ate while Josh told Maya about his night and she told him about hers. He didn't tell her about the lie he told his friends and she didn't mention the reason she ended up at Riley's.

Josh stud up to go to the bathroom. He left his phone on the table and it buzzed while he was away. Maya looked at the phone and saw that it was from his friend Matt. She noticed her name written in the text and wanting to know what Josh told his friends about her, she took the phone and opened the message. The text said: "Had a great time last night. Too bad Maya couldn't come. Hope her friend gets over her break up so she can come next time."

Maya was confused. What was Matt talking about? What break up? What did Josh tell them? She read the text two more times.

She put the phone on the table and Josh returned.

-You got a text. – She said in a calm voice.

-Yeah? – Josh grabbed his phone.

-It's from Matt. – She said. She gave Josh a minute to read the message.

-You read it? – He asked.

-I did.

-I can explain.

-Why did you lie to them?

-I…I don't know. – He stutter.

-Were you embarrassed that I am underaged? Worried about what they would say?

-Maybe. Look I didn't plan it. It just came out. He made a joke about your age when I walked in and then asked me why you weren't there and it just came out.

-Why have I never met your friends? – Maya asked and rage started to build inside of her.

-What do you mean?

-Have you been keeping me from them?

-Maya…

-That's it isn't it? You're embarrassed that I am so much younger so you ask me to meet your friends only when I'm busy or when you meet in locations I am not allowed at.

-Please let me explain… - But Maya didn't want to listen anymore. She got up and stormed out. Josh followed her. He grabbed her arm and turned her around.

-Please listen to me.

-I don't want to.

-It is stupid. I know that. And I wish it didn't matter to me and when I am with you it doesn't. But then I go back to the real world and out there people care. And I care what people think. I am sorry.

-I loved you half of my life. – Maya started.

Maya…

-No, I did. Remember when we were eight and Matthews broth me with them to Philadelphia and Cory and Alan decided to teach me and Riley how to ride a bike and the first time Alan let go of my bike I thought I could ride forever so I made Riley sneak out with me and ride around the block even though she thought we weren't ready and I fell and hurt my arm?

-I remember. – He said.

-You were playing on the street and you ran towards me. My arm was hurting so I started to cry and you told me everything is going to be okay. And I believed you. So you took us home and you held my hand the entire time Topanga cleaned my wound. That was the moment I knew I loved you. I loved you before I even knew what that word meant. You were my first everything, my first love, the first boy I kissed, the first guy I slept with, the first person who made me feel special and beautiful. – She stopped for a second as if a new thought just hit her. – Actually, there is one thing you weren't the first at. You weren't the first person to break my heart.

-It wasn't like that. I love you. I am an idiot. I realize that. But it has nothing to do with you. I was kind of floating around before I fell in love with you. I was sleep walking through life and you woke me up. You showed me what it meant to be alive. I don't want to lose you. I never want to lose you. – Josh said honestly.

-You were ashamed of me. – Maya screamed. – I never let our age come between us. But you cared so much about what your friends think that you put me second. I always put you first. I waited for you. I believed in us. But I can't let you break me. I refuse to let you degrade me. Even if you are the love of my life.

Josh's heart broke with every word. He hated how much pain he had caused her. – Don't do this. Don't run away when it gets hard.

-Are you kidding me? How do you expect me to be with someone who is embarrassed of me?

-I am not embarrassed of you. You are amazing in every way and I would hate to make you feel like you are anything else. I love you. And you are mature and beautiful and smart and funny and you do this thing with your lover lip when you are happy that just drives me crazy. But sometimes you want to go to a party and drink and I've done that and I don't want to go. And you should want that. I wanted it. But I did it already. I got drunk and did stupid stuff more times than I could have counted. And it's your turn to do them but I'm done with it. And we have so much in common but we also have so many things that don't match at all.

-Fine. I am giving you an out. I'm making it easy for you. – Maya tried to sound like she didn't care what happened next, but her eyes filled up with tears.

-I don't want easy! – Josh screamed back. – I want to fight with you and know that at the end of the day we are still sleeping in the same bed. I tried to get you to let down your walls but the first time something goes wrong you shut yourself off. This is our first fight and we've been together for eight months and you are ready to give up immediately. And I get it. You've been hurt before. I know you suffered and I hate that you had to go through that but I am not your dad. I am not leaving. I want the good and the bad. I want you to scream at me when you're mad. You can hate me even if you love me but you need to say it. Scream it so we can move on.

-You want me to yell? Tell you what's bugging me? Fine. Ever since my dad left I thought I drove him away. I thought he hated me and it was something I did or even worse, who I am that drove him away. And I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that it's not me. That it was him. But there was always a part of me who didn't believe me. And then I found out that you feel the same way. That you are ashamed of who I am… I can't deal with that. I can't yell for a couple hours, fight and then pretend that everything is fine. You made me feel like crap. Do you understand that? And you don't do that to people you love. You don't do that to your friends, let alone your girlfriend. – She started to cry.

Josh walked towards her to comfort her but she pushed his arms away.

-You're right. I don't get to decide how my actions affected you even if that was never my intention. I messed up. I did something stupid. But people do stupid stuff all the time. I don't want to lose you. And I know you don't want either. Don't let your past and my stupidity ruin something great.

They were standing in the middle of the street, yelling at each other while other people passed around them like this happened every other day and they already got used to it. Maya wasn't used to it. Her whole body burned from the inside. How come these people didn't feel it? Or did they just not care.

Josh hated himself in that moment. Maya was the girl he wanted to marry someday. He can't live without her. What if this is it? What if he drove her away for good?

They stood in silence looking at each other. Time stopped. People moved in slow motion and neither one of them wanted that moment to end. Maya knew she had to leave but every bone in her body told her to run into Josh's arms. And Josh feared she would go the second she said goodbye, so he hoped they would stay like that; standing in the middle of the street, covered in silence, away from reality, forever.

-I have to think about it. – Maya's brain spoke without her hearts' consent. Her legs worked on her own as she turned around and walked away.

Josh stayed behind looking at Maya until her silhouette was just a memory in his mind.

In that moment he hated Matt. Why did he have to send that text? Why did he have to say anything? But deep down Josh knew he didn't hate his friend. He hated himself.

A/N: Hey guys, hope you don't hate me a lot after this chapter. How do you think this will turn out? If you love it, hate it comment because I love to hear from you and I appreciate every one of you.


	16. Peace

-I brought more ice cream. – Riley said to a big clump under the covers that was Maya Hart. Maya spent two days laying in her bed, hiding under her covers. As long as she stayed under there, nothing bad happened. She was still with Josh, her whole life was on a pause. Riley spent the entire day trying to get her friend out of the bed.

-No. – Maya said with a voice that told Riley she's been crying.

-Come on. You can't stay under there forever. You have to eat something.

-No. – Maya repeated. It was the only word she used in two days.

Riley exhaled loudly. She picked up Maya's covers and climbed under them with Maya.

-Did you talk to him? – She asked concerned.

-No. – Maya answered.

-You really should. – Riley encouraged her.

-No. – Maya said more surely.

-I know you are mad. And you have every right to be. But he is really sorry. And he misses you like crazy. And I know he has been calling.

-No. – Maya said simply.

-That's it. I'm getting you out of here! – Riley picked up the covers and started to pull them off while Maya held firmly onto the other side.

-No! – Maya yelled.

-Finally Riley managed to pull the covers from Maya's clutch but it caused her to fall off of the bed.

-That's just sad. – Maya and Riley heard coming from the window. Farkle was looking at them with a disappointed look on his face.

He climbed through the window and entered the room. "You really need to get out." – Farkle said. "Or at least just take a shower."

-No. – Maya screamed at him.

-This is not healthy. – Riley agreed with Farkle. – This is not healing.

-I'm not healing, I'm avoiding. – Maya spoke in a full sentence for the first time in two days.

-You need to face it. You need to think about what went wrong and try to fix it.

-What if it can't be fixed? – Maya asked.

-It's you and Josh. Of course it can be fixed. – Farkle answered.

-You need to stop being scared. – Riley advised her. – You need to let him in. Right now you think you are helping yourself and saving yourself from the pain but that's not the case. You're just causing yourself and Josh more pain than you can imagine.

-He won't leave you. He's not the type. – Farkle said.

-Or he will. Sometimes in love that happens. Not everything can last forever. But just because it didn't last forever, doesn't mean it was a failure.

-What if we're done? What if this is the end of our story? – Maya wondered.

-It's not. – Farkle was confident.

-This is not what an ending looks like. – Riley smiled at her.

-He really hurt me. – Maya said with a heavy voice.

-I know. – Riley hugged her. – I know.

Farkle hugged them both. „He made a mistake. He is an idiot but I am sure he never meant to hurt you."

-So what now? – Maya asked, holding strongly onto Riley and Farkle.

-Now I tell Lucas to knock some sense into him. – Riley said.

-Lucas is with Josh? – Maya asked.

-Yes. He is sort of taking it as bad as you. – Farkle said.

-Only on my couch. – Riley added.

XXXXXX

-You really screwed up. – Lucas said.

-Yes. – Josh answered. He was hiding under a big blanket while Lucas sat on the hand holder besides his feet.

-You're an idiot. – Lucas said again.

-Yes.

-You should call her. – Lucas offered advice.

-Yes. – Josh said.

-You already did, didn't you?

-Yes. – He answered.

-Riley is with her now, maybe she convinces her to talk to you.

Josh peeked his head from under the blanket. "You think she'll ever forgive me?"

Lucas honestly didn't know but he thought Josh could use some hope: "There's always a chance."

-I really hurt her. – He said.

-I know. – Lucas simply said.

-Should I call her again? – Josh wondered.

At that moment, as if the universe was sending them a sign, Lucas got a text from Riley.

-No. – Lucas answered when he read the text. – We are doing something better.

-What? – Josh asked, not sure where this was going.

-What you need my friend, is a grand gesture.

XXXXXX

Josh came up with a plan to get Maya back. Riley, Lucas and Farkle helped him make it happened. None of them told Maya what Josh had in mind. They told her they were taking her to a movie so she would go willingly. Lucas drove his 1993 civic sedan, Riley sat in the passenger seat and Maya and Farkle sat in the back. Maya knew what they were up to when they arrived at the NYU campus.

-I can't believe you guys! – She got mad. – I am not ready for this.

-Look, if you don't want to see him or hear him out, we'll turn this car around and go home. – Riley offered. – But I think he means too much to you to give up now. I think you are scared as hell but you are going to go in there and talk to him anyways because you learned a lot from my dad and us and you know that people won't always hurt you or leave you.

Maya took in a deep breath. She turned her head towards the dorm rooms building.

She thought about it for a second. She wasn't ready to let go of Josh yet. But could she do this? Could she forgive him and move on? Could she trust him again? Maybe.

-Okay. - She agreed. - I'll give it a try.

She walked out of the car and slowly towards Josh's dorm room. Every step felt heavy, like the ground itself told her to stop and turn around. But she kept going. She reached his room and put her fist in the position to knock. Her heartbeat started to speed up. What is she going to say to him? What does he have to say for himself? She took a deep breath and knocked.

-It's unlocked. - She heard from the other side. She opened the door. Josh was standing in the middle of the room. White Christmas lights were hanging all over the ceiling. A picnic blanket and a basket laid on the floor.

-Just like... – Josh started.

-Our first date. - Maya finished.

-Exactly. - Josh smiled. - Do you want to sit down? - He suggested.

Maya nodded and they both sat on the blanket. Maya took a second to look at Josh. His eyes were a darker shade of blue than usual, but other than that he looked as great as always. He smiled at her and in that moment she realized how much she really missed him. That pain she felt in her chest for the past two days got even worse now. She wanted to smile at him, ran into his arms and kiss him but instead she just kept sitting there, trying not to cry.

Josh noticed how red her eyes were and instantly his stomach turned into a knot. His whole body hurt for the past two days because he missed her so much and now that he realized how badly she was hurting too he felt even worse.

-Maya, I…

-I should go. – They both said at the same time.

Maya continued. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I can't do this now. I am not ready. I need to go." She stood up and went to the door. Josh got up too.

-Maya… - Josh walked towards her.

-Please don't follow me. – She told him and closed the door behind her.

Josh ran after her. It was raining heavily. Neither one of them had an umbrella and in just a few seconds they were outside, they were both already soaked.

Josh caught up to her and grabbed her arm to turn her around. He couldn't tell if she was crying because of the rain. They were the only two people in the street.

-Please talk to me. – Josh begged her.

-I can't. – She said.

-Why not?

-Because if I do I will forgive you everything.

-And you don't want that? – He asked.

-I don't know what I want. – She was frustrated. – I want to be happy with you. And hold your hand and kiss you. And I want you to not be so stupid. And I wish you never hurt me so we don't have to go through this. But you did and here we are. And I can't be that girl that just forgives and forgets. I can't be that girl that just rolls over and goes with it. My mother was that type. And I watched her crash and burn a million times. I don't want to be like that. I need to be stronger than that. So this is not that easy for me. I can't just go back.

-It's really cold and you're all wet. Please jut come in and we'll talk inside.

-I can't.

-Fine. Then we'll talk out here. In the rain.

-Why are you fighting so hard for this? – She was confused.

-Because I love you. – He said.

-Then why did you lie to your friends about me? – Maya wanted to know.

-I don't know. I love you and I am proud to be with you. It's just…Maybe I am afraid of how much. I'm only 21 and I already think I found someone who I could spent the rest of my life with. And I look at all of my friends and I see them having fun and being with different girls every few weeks and you scare me. It scares me how afraid of losing you I am. And maybe I was afraid that they would see you as just a kid but the truth is I am probably the only one who even notices the age now and I know that makes me a real idiot but it's only because I don't want to date you for a while and then break up. I want a forever with you. I want the rest of my life with you. And that terrifies me. And thinking of that age difference makes me less scared. I hope this makes sense to you.

But Josh had more on his mind that he needed to say and he was sure Maya should hear it.

-You said you loved me half of your life. Well I loved you even longer. You were seven and I was ten and I came to New York for the holidays with my parents and it was Christmas Eve and Riley, Auggie and the two of us all slept in Riley's room on the floor. Everyone fell asleep but I was afraid to because of that huge branch that scratched the window and it looked like a monster. Do you remember that?

Maya nodded.

-And I was really scared and you woke up and asked me why I wasn't asleep and I told you I was scared and you never made fun of me. Instead you sat next to me and held my hand and you told me to close my eyes and you described to me what the outside of the window looked like. With the tree branch and the wind and snow. And you told me about the dark winter sky in the way that only an artist could. And when I opened my eyes it didn't scare me anymore. You helped me see it through your eyes and it looked beautiful to me. That's when I knew. I knew I wanted to look at the world through your eyes for the rest of my life. I knew I loved you. But then I grew up and I realized I was too old for you and that it can never happen so I moved on. But then you made me see it through your eyes and once again I wasn't scared. I knew what was right. And I know I hurt you and I never wanted to be the reason you cried.

Maya was crying now. But it was still raining and Josh didn't noticed. She listened to every word he said and she realized what she meant to him. She wanted to forgive him but she was scared.

-Can you do the same for me? – She asked.

-What? – He asked confused.

-If I closed my eyes would you hold my hand and describe it to me so that I am not scared anymore? Could you make me see it through your eyes? Because I don't want to be scared anymore.

Josh smiled. – Yes. – He simply said. – I can do that.

Maya nodded. She closed her eyes. Josh took one step closer and intertwined his fingers with hers. He leaned in and whispered in her ear: "Once upon a time there was a broken girl and a lost boy that fell in love. They were very young and the whole world told them that they weren't right for each other but they loved each other very much so they decided to wait until they were older to be together. And they were really hurt for that period of time they couldn't be together but as soon as they were old enough the boy grabbed the girl and kissed her. He promised himself he would never let her go. And the more time they spent together, the more they fell in love. And at first it scared both of them a lot. It scared them that they met so young. But then the boy realized that he isn't scared anymore. He realized how horrible his life would be without her and he was never scared of loving her again. The girl was still scared. She had some scars from the past and it was hard for her to trust again but the boy showed her that he loved her and that he was there for her every day for the rest of his life. When they were ready the boy proposed and the girl said yes. They got married and had kids and lived happily ever after. And the girl wasn't scared anymore either."

Maya let go of Josh's hands and hugged him tight. Her head fell on his chest. Josh wrapped his arms around her.

Maya let go of Josh. She looked in his eyes.

-Crap. – She said.

-What is it?

-I really love you. – Maya said.

-I really love you too. – Josh said with a smile.

He kissed her. She grabbed the back of his head. He held her waist. They were both completely wet from the rain but that didn't bother them. They were together in each other's arms and even rain couldn't ruin that.

After making out in the rain, they went back to Josh's dorm and helped each other get out of those wet cloths.

XXXXXX

-Hurry up. We're late. – Josh warned Maya.

-I wanted to look good. Can you blame me? – Maya responded.

-You always look good. – Josh smiled at her.

They were holding hands and hurrying down the street. They were on their way to meet up at _Topanga's_ with Josh's friends. Josh arranged it the day after they made up. Maya told him he didn't have to do it but she was glad he did.

-I'm nervous. – She admitted.

-Don't be. They'll love you. – Josh encouraged her.

She smiled. – They are fools if they don't.

Josh laughed and kissed her.

They walked in to _Topanga's_. Josh saw his friends and waved at them. Maya tightened her hold on Josh's hand.

-You'll do great. Just relax. – He told her. They walked to the big group of people.

-I am more nervous now than when I met your parents. – She whispered.

-That's because you knew my parents since you were a kid. They like you better than me. My mother told me that. – He whispered back.

-Hey guys. – He waved at everyone. – This is my girlfriend Maya.

A/N: Hey guys. I love that you care so much and that you are invested in the story. I hope I didn't let you down. Don't be scared to comment and let me know your thoughts. I'm sorry it took me so long to post a chapter. I've been working for a while until college starts. I hope you enjoy this one. I love and appreciate you all.


	17. Quotable

-So how did meeting Josh's friends go last night? – Katy asked her daughter when they ate breakfast the next morning.

-It went great. –Maya said with a smile. – They were really nice. And they are funny and intelligent. And I made them laugh. It was a really fun night. We went to a pub after we finished at Topanga's and Josh showed me how to play pool.

Maya smiled when she remembered how Josh came from behind and took both of her hands into his and showed her how to hit the right ball with the stick. She loved that he kissed her neck before every hit and how he didn't let go even after she finished her turn.

-But you know how to play pool. – Shawn said. – I taught you.

-I am aware of that. – Maya said with a big smile. – But Josh is not.

-Oh god. – Shawn frowned and Katy laughed.

-I am glad everything is fine between you two again. I like you together. – Katy said.

-Thanks mom. – Maya said. – I like us together too.

-I have to go to work. – Katy stood up. She kissed Shawn and then kissed Maya on the forehead. – Clean the table please.

-I will. – Maya assured her.

-Love you guys. – Katy said as she left the apartment.

-Love you too. – Maya and Shawn yelled after her at the same time.

As soon as he heard the door close, Shawn said to Maya: " I need to ask you something."

-What's going on? You sound serious.

-You can't tell your mother because it's a surprise.

-She doesn't really love surprises. – Maya reminded him.

-She'll love this one. – Shawn said with the biggest smile Maya has ever seen.

-Okay. – Maya promised. – I won't say anything.

-Okay. – Shawn started. – I want to ask your mother to marry me.

-Oh my god.

-And I would like to get your blessing.

-Oh my god.

-You already said that.

-We're having a wedding? – Maya asked.

Shawn laughed. – If it's okay with you and if your mother says yes.

-We're having a wedding! – Maya yelled. She stood up and gave Shawn a hug.

-I am so happy for you. I can't believe it. I have to tell Riley.

-It's supposed to be a surprise. – Shawn reminded her.

-Like you haven't told Cory already.

-I am here! – They heard Cory yell from the front door. He ran to the kitchen. – When are we doing this? I have so many ideas.

-I told him this morning. – Shawn said with a guilty look on his face.

-I am calling Riley. – Maya exclaimed excitedly and ran to find her phone.

-I can't believe my Shawnie is getting married.

-She hasn't said yes yet.

-Oh she will. – Cory assured him. – Who wouldn't want to marry you?

-Have you told Topanga? – Shawn asked.

Cory's expression of excitement turned into fear. – Topanga! – He ran out at the same speed he came in, leaving behind a very confused Shawn.

-So that's why my dad ran out this morning without a word. – Riley said over the phone when Maya told her the good news.

-He seems really excited. – Maya said.

-So excited he forgot he was supposed to take Auggie to the doctors' this morning because my mom has an early meeting. He just ran out. Mom is furious.

Maya laughed. – I wish I could be there when he comes back.

-Well, I won't be here either because we have to leave now or we will never get to school on time.

Maya hung up and ran back to the kitchen to help Shawn clean the table.

-I got this. You're gonna be late to school. – He said.

She smiled and kissed his cheek. She turned around when she reached the door: "Hey Shawn…"

He turned to face her and smiled.

-I am really happy you're gonna marry my mom. I love you.

-I love you too. – He said. – And I just hope she says yes.

-She will. – Maya assured him. And then she left.

Shawn was left alone to clean up the table and wonder how he got so lucky.

XXXXXX

Maya was happy for the rest of the day. She spoke with Riley about every possible scenario of how Shawn will propose and what the wedding will look like. She imagined them happy as a family. She imagined having a little brother or a sister and how she could teach them how to paint and play baseball or help them with their homework. She dreamed of a family she would one day have and that dream was finally coming true.

-I am very happy for you Maya. – Lucas told her.

-They are very good together. – Farkle confirmed.

Maya and Riley tried to keep it a secret but by the end of the day it seemed like everybody knew. Except for Katy. The whole gang was in cafeteria for lunch.

-Shawn is going to kill us. – Maya told her best friend.

-We can just blame it on my father. Shawn would never harm him.

They both laughed.

-How is he going to propose? – Farkle asked.

-I don't know. – Maya answered.

-When is he going to do it? – Lucas wondered.

-I don't know that either. Soon I guess.

-It's going to be amazing. I can already see it. – Riley was excited.

Cory ran towards them. He leaned forward between Maya and Riley: "Shawn told me his plan. Fill in your friends, we're going to need all hands on deck."

-Everybody knows already. – Maya said.

-That should make things easier. – Cory answered.

XXXXXX

After school ended, the whole gang went to Maya's apartment. Josh and the rest of the Matthews joined them. Katy was working a double shift to cover for a sick colleague so Shawn took his time explaining the plan. Everyone was excited about the plan and they loved that they were a part of that. Shawn wanted Katy to feel special. He wanted her to feel like a princes that he felt she was. Shawn took a lot of photos of the two of them when they were dating. He took a lot of photos of just Katy too. He loved photography. He was good at it and Katy was his favorite subject. To Shawn she was the most beautiful women in the world. He loved her smile, her sad eyes, and her whole body. And he loved how she looked when the sun caressed her hair. So he took pictures of her. And a lot of them. Katy hated them. She always thought she didn't look good in them. She always found something new to criticize about herself. But Shawn would hang them on the fridge or leave them on her night stand and he would tell her how beautiful she looked in them. So he decided to fill the living room with pictures of them. Shawn, Riley and Maya hanged the pictures off of the ceiling with different colored ribbons and the rest of the gang was busy blowing balloons. They filled the room with yellow balloons shaped like hearts. Katy's favorite color is yellow so Shawn also bought a dozen yellow roses. He showed them the ring he had picked out. It was a princess cut diamond ring. They didn't ask him for a price, but it looked expensive. Maya was even more excited than Shawn. She couldn't stop smiling. She dreamed about having a family her whole life and now it was finally happening. But even her smile couldn't compare to Cory's. He was ecstatic that his best friend was about to get a happy ending he deserved so much.

-Okay, we have fifteen minutes! – Shawn said loud enough so everyone could hear him. – Places people!

Shawn was the only one left in the apartment. As Katy approached her home, she had no idea what was waiting for her. She first saw Auggie and Farkle standing in front of the building, each holding a yellow rose.

-That's weird. – She thought. – Is Josh planning a surprise for Maya?

She noticed the two boys smiling as soon as they saw her.

-What's going on boys? – She asked them.

-These are for you. – Farkle said as both him and Auggie gave her their roses.

-This is too. – Auggie added. – It's the first part of a massage.

Katy took the yellow paper in her hand. It had only one word written on it.

-Will? What does that mean? – She asked them.

-You'll see. – Farkle simply said.

They wouldn't tell her anything else so she entered the building. On the top of the stars on the floor she saw Cory and Topanga, each holding a yellow rose.

-You are a part of this too? What is going on? - Katy asked.

-we are only here to give you the flowers. - Cory said with a huge grin and handed her the rose.

-And this note. - Topanga added. She gave her a yellow piece of paper that said 'You'.

-You? - Katy wondered what that meant. - You? Will? Will you...Oh my god. - Katy suddenly felt a knot forming in her stomach. Was it excitement? Was it fear? Shawn is going to propose. Katy couldn't believe it. Cory gave her an encouraging nod and said: "You have a couple more floors to go."

-Good luck. - Topanga said.

Katy kept going. On the next floor she met Riley and Lucas. They also gave her a rose each and a note that said 'Marry'. She held all the roses in one hand and the notes in the other. She had one more floor to go. Her heart started to speed up. She felt dizzy. Katy couldn't believe that this was really happening. Could she really do this? Could she marry Shawn? Could she marry anyone? She saw Maya standing on the top of the stairs. And Maya? Is she ready for this? Maya smiled at Katy. She hugged her tightly and handed her the rose.

-I am really happy for you guys. - She whispered in her ear. Josh handed her a yellow rose and a note that held the last word of the massage, 'Me'.

-He is really nervous. - Maya said with a smile.

-I am too. - Katy responded. - Are you okay?

-Of course mom. - Maya said. - I love him. And I know you do too.

-I do. - Katy said.

-So go in there and get your happy ending. - Maya shoved her towards the door. Katy took a reluctant step towards the door. She opened the door and saw Shawn standing in the middle of the room. The room floor was covered with yellow balloons. Katy marveled at the pictures of them hanging from the ceiling. She remembered every memory Shawn captured with his camera. The picnics in the park, watching movies, holding hands, making dinners, kissing in the rain, morning kisses, sleepy kisses,smiling and laughing, talking, loving…it was all there. Captured on a piece of paper, in color for them to remember forever.

Shawn lid candles on every table surface in the room. It looked beautiful. He looked beautiful. Katy was breathless.

-Shawn… – Katy said.

-Katy. – Shawn started. – I think by now you know what's going on.

Katy nodded.

-I had some bad experience when it comes to love and marriage. I never thought I would fall in love. I never thought I believed in love. But then Cory fell in love with Topanga. And I believed in them so much I wanted to find love that's exactly like theirs. I thought it can only work like that. And then I met Angela and I realized I can love. I realized I deserved love. But we didn't work out and I lost fate in love again. But then I met you. I met you and you made me feel like a can breathe again. You made me realize that we don't need to be like Cory and Topanga to be happy. Being us is enough if we love each other. And I really love you. I am glad we didn't meet earlier. I wasn't ready for you back then, but I am now. I am ready and I want to love you for the rest of my life. I want a family with you. I want to be a father figure to Maya. I want us to be happy. – Shawn got down on one knee and opened the little box in front of him. Katy gasped when she saw the ring. – I want to be this happy for the rest of my life. So I am asking you if you would like to wake up next to me for the rest of yours. Katy Hart, will you marry me?

Maya, Josh and everyone else stood on the doorway, listening carefully to every word Shawn and Katy exchanged. Maya waited impatiently for her mother's response. Katy stood in front of Shawn with her hand covering her mouth. A million thoughts rushed through her head. She replayed every word Shawn said to her. She waited in every experience and memory she had with him and every other man she's been with. She remembered her marriage and how it ended. And in that moment Katy knew what her answer was.

-I am so sorry. – She said in tears. – No.


	18. Recovery

-What? – Maya screamed from the doorway.

-Did she just say no? – Cory wondered out loud.

Katy didn't notice them on the doorway. She turned around and saw the disappointed look in Maya's eyes. She turned back to Shawn. He was still down on one knee, holding the ring box. She saw how hurt he was. It was written all over his face. Katy got down on her knees and grabbed Shawn's face with her hands.

-Listen to me. I am so sorry. – She said with tears falling down her face. – I love you so much. You make me so happy. We practically live together. And I want to be with you. But I can't get married. I've been married before. And it ended badly. I don't want to go through it again.

-But ours would work. I wouldn't leave you. – Shawn pleaded.

-I know you wouldn't. I just don't believe in marriage anymore. Why do we need a piece of paper to tell us that we love each other and want to be together? This that we have is already a hundred times better than my marriage ever was. I don't want this to change.

-I didn't know you feel this way.

-I didn't know you don't. – Katy responded. – I guess we never really talked about it.

Shawn sat down on the floor with his arms loosely around his knees. Katy sat across from him.

-I want that piece of paper.

-Shawn…

-I want to be your husband and be able to call you my wife. I want to see you in a white dress walking down the aisle towards me. I want to show our wedding pictures to our grandchildren and tell them how that was the best day of my life. I want to be Maya's legal parent. I want to wear a ring on my finger that lets people know I belong to someone and someone belongs to. I want the in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. I want it all. And I want it with you.

-And you deserve that. You should want that. But I don't. I want us to stay like this. Not all people are meant to be married.

-I thought we already went through this. I thought we sorted out our fears.

-This is not about my fears. – Katy said.

-Yes it is mom. – Maya stepped in from the door. Katy turned towards her. – I was there when dad left. I was little but I remember. I know how hard it was for you. And I know you never want to feel like that again. Marriage isn't the bad guy. It's the people who get married without being ready that ruin it for everyone. Marriage is a commitment that you make every day to one person. And you already do that. I know how much you love him. More than you loved dad. Which means it would hurt so much more if he was to leave. But he wouldn't. I know that because I see the way he looks at you when you're not watching. I see how he smiles whenever you talk. And he never missed a single play you were in. Even I don't go to all of them.

Katy stood up and walked towards her daughter. She gave her a warm hug. – Oh honey. I know this affects you a lot. I know you think this is the best for everyone and I know how much you want a family. But this is something that I need to decide for myself.

Shawn stood up too. – Thank you guys for helping out. I appreciate it.

-Everything is really beautiful. – Katy added.

-I should go, I guess. – Shawn said.

-No. please don't leave. Can we just talk about this? – Katy begged.

-Okay. Do you guys mind?

-We are going for ice cream at Topanga's. – Cory said.

XXXXXX

-I can't believe she said no. – Maya said.

-Poor Shawnie. – Cory added.

They were all sitting at a big booth at Topanga's.

-They don't have to get married. They can stay together. Lot of people make a choice to not get married and stay together. – Riley tried to stay positive.

Maya leaned her head on Josh's shoulder and he played with her hair.

-He still loves you Maya. Very much. No matter what happens. – Josh comforted her.

-And he loves your mom. I know him since he was a kid and I've never seen him as happy as he is when he is with the two of you. – Cory added.

-I just wish she wasn't so wounded. I know she wants to marry him and be happy. But my dad ruined that too. I don't know how to help her. – Maya said.

-Oh, peaches. – Riley put her hand over Maya's. – If you really think that this is just about your father, maybe you should get him to talk to your mom.

-You think that's a good idea? – Maya wondered.

-There's only one way to find out. – Riley answered.

-Crap. I have to see my father.

-Do you want me to go with you? – Josh offered.

-That's very sweet of you but I think I need to do this on my own.

XXXXXX

An hour later Maya was walking into the St. Mary's hospital. She called her father and he told her he had chemotherapy and that she could come if she wanted. Maya didn't want to wait so she went. She asked the nurse at the front desk for direction and she pointed her to the right floor and room number. Maya was nervous. Now she regretted going alone. She didn't want to see her father. Her feelings about him hadn't changed. But she knew she had to. For her mom. She heard his voice before she entered the room. A chill passed down her spine. She stopped right outside the doors. She heard two more voices coming from the room. The talked about a football game that was on last night and she heard her father's laughter. It was weird hearing him joke and laugh. He sounded so normal. Not like a monster that abandoned her as a child. She took in a deep breath and knocked on the already opened door.

Kermit smiled at her. – Hi. – He said. – I am really glad you came.

Maya swallowed a big lump. – That's something I was never able to say to you because you left me and never came back. – Maya spoke before she could stop herself.

-I deserve that. – Kermit admitted. – Maya these are my chemo friends Fred and George. Guys this is my daughter Maya.

\- Nice to meet you. – Maya shook their hands.

-I didn't know you had chemo. – Maya spoke to her father.

-Well, it won't save my life, but it does give me some time. – Kermit answered.

-How is Bruce? – She wondered.

-He is doing well considering everything. – Kermit paused. – We told him about you. He was excited to get to know you.

-Good. I'd really like that. Maybe we can do something this weekend?

-I'm sure he'd be thrilled. – Kermit said with a smile.

Maya looked at the floor. There was a moment of an awkward silence and Kermit wanted to break it: "I was surprised you call. But I am so happy you did."

-I didn't call because of you. – Maya looked him in the eye.

-Why did you call? – Kermit asked disappointed.

-Shawn asked mom to marry her. – Maya was straight to the point.

-That's great. She deserves to be happy. – Kermit said.

-She does. Except she said no.

-Why? – Kermit was surprised.

-Because of you. – Maya said. – She won't admit this but I don't think she is over what happened with you.

-I really hurt her. I regret that more than anything else.

-You didn't just hurt her. She is over you. She moved on. She fell in love again. She built a life. You ruined her so badly that she is happy and in love but she still can't let go of what you did to her. – Maya was getting angry.

-I am so sorry. But I don't know how to fix it now.

-I need you to talk to her. – Maya said.

-I am sure your mother wants nothing to do with me. – Maya was too.

-And I am sure she needs to. – She said instead. – I'll make you a deal. If you talk to her and help her, I will visit you every day until you die.

-Do you meant that? – Kermit asked excitedly.

-Are you really terminal?

-Yes.

-Then yes.

-I though you hated me. – Kermit reminder her.

-You hurt me but you didn't ruin me. I moved on past you. I let go of my anger. – Maya said. She didn't realized it was true until this moment. She was mad at Kermit for her mom, for what he did to Katy. Not so much about what he did to her.

-And you really love your mom.

-Very much. – Maya said.

-Okay. I will talk to your mother today. Will you come back tomorrow?

-A deal is a deal. – She confirmed. – Do you have chemo every day?

-I do. At the same time.

-Then I'll come back. We'll meet here. I will stay for as long as your treatment last.

-We can meet somewhere else. My house or a park.

-This will do.

-As long as I get to see you, I don't care where it is.

-Look at you wanting to spend time with me. And all it took was a death sentence.

-I though you let go of your anger. – Kermit reminded her.

-Turns out there's still some left.

-I can understand that. – Kermit concluded.

-How thoughtful of you. – Maya said sarcastically.

-Not gonna lie, that one hurt a little.

-Plenty left from where that came from.

Maya walked out of the hospital. It was a beautiful day outside. Warm wind was blowing and the sun was shining bright. Maya didn't hate seeing her father as much as she thought she would. But she still didn't like that she agreed to spend time with him. She look on the bench just outside the hospital and she noticed Josh sitting there. He stood up. She walked towards him.

-What are you doing here? – She asked.

-I thought you might need some back up. – He said and hugged her.

-Thanks for coming. – Maya said. – I really appreciate it.

-I'll always be there for you. – He kissed her.

-I know. – Maya smiled. – I know you will be.

XXXXXX

Kermit kept his end of the bargain. After he was done with his treatment he went to Topanga's to talk to Katy. He walked in and saw her taking an order from a table near the counter. He walked towards her and waited until she finished writing down the order until he said her name.

Katy didn't turn around right away. She recognized his voice but she thought she imagined it.

-Can we talk? – He asked. She didn't imagine it. He was really there. She slowly turned around.

-What are you doing here?

-Believe it or not, Maya called me. – He said.

Katy walked towards the kitchen.

– Why would she do that?

Kermit followed her.

She is worried about you.

Katy started making coffee and two smoothies for the table that just ordered.

-She told you Shawn proposed? – She asked without stopping.

-She did. She also said you turned him down.

-My life is none of your business. – Katy said. – You need to leave. I'm busy.

-Take a five minute break. Let's talk. And if you still want me to leave after five minutes then I will.

-You took enough of my time already. I don't owe you anything. Leave. It's what you do best.

-Maya called me. She is the one person in this world that hates me more then you. Can you imagine how worried about you she is that she called me and asked for help?

Katy brought the order to the table. Then she turned towards Kermit: "You have two minutes."

They walked out into the back alley behind the Topanga's.

-Speak. – Katy said with her arms crossed on her chest.

-I know I hurt you. Badly. And I regret it. And nothing I say will make it better. I was weak. I admit it. I couldn't handle a wife and a child back then. I couldn't handle our life together. And honestly we weren't madly in love. We just thought we were. We were young. And I am the last person to give you any romantic advice but you need to learn from what we went through and let it make you stronger not break you.

Katy hit him on the shoulder.

-You son of a bitch. – She hit him again.

-You don't get to talk to me about love and growth and heartbreak. You left me with a child and no money in New York. – She hit him again. – I can't believe you have the nerve to come here now and give me advice. You don't know me. You don't know my life. You spoke twice to Maya. You are not a part of our lives so stop.

-That's good. Let it all out. – Kermit encouraged her anger.

She hit him again.

-You are so arrogant. I can't believe I ever married you. How stupid was I. I actually thought that we would be together forever. I said my vows in front of our friends and god and I did everything right. You screwed up. – She hit him again. – You abandoned me. It's your fault. Everything is your fault. – She hit him again. – And now you're married. You have a new wife and a kid. And I broke up with the love of my life because I don't know how to trust someone. – She hit him again. She hit him with her fists. Kermit didn't stop her or moved away. He knew he deserved it. He took all the punches Katy had to throw.

-Feel better? – Kermit asked after Katy stopped.

She hit him again.

-Now I do. – She said.

-I am the worst thing that happened to you. Please don't let me stop you from the best thing that happened to you.

-Maya is the best thing that happened to me. Shawn is a close second. – She corrected him.

-I wish I did right by the two of you. I really do.

-I think about what my life would look like if I never met you and for all the reasons how my life would be better there is always one think that comes up that makes me not regret being with you.

-Maya? – Kermit guessed.

-Maya. – Katy confirmed. – You and I made something special. And having her was worth all the bad stuff you put me thru.

-She said she would give me a chance to get to know her. I am really looking forward to that.

-I just have one question for you. If you never got cancer would you have came back to ask for forgiveness?

-Honestly… – Kermit started. – Probably not.

-See, today I broke up with Shawn and he still asked me when he could see Maya. And he's not even her father. He is a better man than you are...Oh god.

-What? – Kermit asked.

-I said no to him. He asked me to marry him and I said no.

-So what are you going to do now?

-I have to find him. – She ran inside the Topanga's. Kermit fallowed her. She took of her apron and handed it to Kermit.

-What am I supposed to do with that? – He asked.

-You're going to cover my shift.– Katy said with a wicked smile.

-I…

-You owe me. – Katy said.

-Fine. – Kermit gave in.

XXXXXX

Katy knew where Shawn would be. He always took photos at this time of day. And Katy knew that he would go to his favorite place in the city. The fountain in Central Park. Katy took the subway and ran through half the park to get to the place where Shawn was. She just hoped she wasn't too late.

As she was getting closer to the fountain, she saw a man with a camera.

-Shawn! – She screamed him name. – Shawn! – She screamed again.

The guy stood up and turned around. It was him. Katy ran straight into his arms. He caught her.

-What are you doing here? – He asked.

Katy let go and tried to catch her breath.

-I… - She started. – Will… - She couldn't catch her breath.

She dropped on one knee. – Will you…marry…me?

-What? – Shawn was surprised.

-Will you marry me? – Katy asked louder.

-What? – Shawn asked again.

-You were right. I was scared. But I had an interesting visit today and I realized that you are the second best thing that ever happened to me.

-Behind Maya? – He asked.

-Yes.–Shawn understood that and Katy loved that about him. – And I don't want to lose you. So will you marry me?

-No. – Shawn answered.

-What?– Katy couldn't believe what Shawn said. Her heart dropped to her stomach.

-Now you know how it feels. – He said with a smile. – Of course I will marry you.

Katy jumped into his arms and Shawn twirled her around. A street musician played the violin a few feet away from them. Everyone in the park that witnessed the proposal clapped.

-I can't wait until we tell Maya. – Shawn said.


	19. Safety

-How about a June wedding? – Cory asked Shawn.

-I always wanted to get married in September or early October. You know, when the weather is not too hot or too cold. Maybe with a light breeze. – Shawn answered excitedly.

-This is my wedding too, you know. – Katy cut in.

-Oh, no one will be looking at you. This is Shawn's big moment. – Cory said.

-I love you man. – Shawn said to Cory.

-I love you too. – Cory responded and the two men hugged.

-My whole life. – Topanga said. – And now it's going to be your life too. Get used to it.

Cory, Topanga and the future Mrs. And Mr. Hunter sat at the booth at Topanga's that afternoon. Cory had his arm around Topanga's shoulders and he looked at Shawn with awe. The newly engaged couple was holding hands.

Shawn and Katy told Maya first and then ran to tell their friends about their good news. Cory started to cry and Topanga was very happy too. Shawn and Cory already started to plan their wedding.

-As long as he loves me as half as he loves Cory, I know he's not going anywhere. – Katy joked.

Shawn promised himself that he will never let go of Katy again. He wanted to love her and spend the rest of his life with her.

Cory turned to Topanga. Seeing his best friend happy and getting married reminded him of his own love for Topanga. He thought how lucky he was that he fell in love so young with someone so amazing.

-You make me really happy. – He looked her in the eyes. – I love you.

-I know. I love you too. – Topanga answered.

-You know what's funny? – Shawn asked Katy quietly so only she would hear.

-What? – Katy wondered.

-They used to make me want to be just like them.

-And now? – Katy asked.

-Now I just want us to be like us.

XXXXXX

Maya hated that she promised her father she'll visit. She didn't want to see him. The regret only got stronger when she woke up next morning to a cold, gloomy day that only promised rain. It took her a long time to push her legs to move out of the bad and on the ground. She put on her favorite pair of jeans and her warmest sweater. She combed her curls with her fingers and put on rain boots and a coat. Then she stepped onto the cold streets of New York. The hospital was a long way from her apartment. The subway ride over gave her enough time to almost change her mind three times and head back home. But something always pushed her to stay. It couldn't have been just the promise, although, Maya had to admit laying to a dying man was a bit low even for her. Even if that man is the one who abandoned her as a child.

She walked into the hospital and shook the cold off of herself. She didn't need directions this time. She already knew where her dad was.

She walked through the door without knocking. Doors were already opened, same as yesterday. She noticed only one of her dad's friends were in the room with him.

-Where is George? – Maya wondered out loud.

-He died last night. He lost his battle with cancer. – Fred answered with tears in his eyes.

-I am so sorry. – Maya said sincerely.

-Fred and George were childhood friends. – Kermit filled her in when she sat next to him. – He is taking this very hard.

-I am sorry for your loss. – Maya said louder. – I can't even imagine how it must feel to lose your best friend.

-He knew he didn't have much longer. We were prepared for this. – Old man said. – Even without cancer. We were old. We lived a long life. And most importantly, we lived it together.

-Did he have a family? – Maya asked.

-No wives. No kids. We only had each other. – Fred filled her in.

-I am so sorry. – Maya said sincerely.

-It' not your fault kid. It's life. It's what happens. – Fred looked at her. – Just make sure you live it. Do everything. Do things that scare you and things that excite you. Don't let others define you. And don't settle. Never settle. - The old man said and then turned his head to the other side and stared at the wall.

-Thank you for the advice. - Maya said. - I'll listen to it.

-It's a good advice. - Kermit told her. - I am very sorry.

-For what exactly? - Maya said defensively.

-For not being there to give you any advice.

-I did okay without them. - She said.

-I can see that. You really grew up to be a wonderful young lady. - Kermit said with pride in his voice.

-What are we doing? - Maya interrupted.

-What do you mean? - He asked.

-It's too late for this. I'm almost 19 and you're dying. And you don't know how to be a father to me anymore then I know how to be a daughter to you. And it's okay. I am finally okay with it. I have the best mother in the world. And now I have a father in Shawn too. I am happy. I am going to college, my life is just beginning. I am not mad at you anymore. I am fine.

Maya was honest with her dad. She learned over time that him leaving wasn't her fault. Her friends and her parents taught her that. Time taught her that.

-What if I'm not fine? - Kermit said with a hurt look on his face. - I left you. I walked away. I was stupid. And then I got a new family and I thought that this time I would do right by them. And I meant it. But then I got sick. And I am leaving another little kid behind. And I never got to see you growing up and I'll never get to see him as a grown up. So I need you. I need to know you. Maybe just one little bit of you so that when I die I don't feel as much of regret. I need to know that I tried. I need to know that one day when Bruce asks you about me you'll have something good to say. I need for at least some of it to not be bad.

Maya looked at her dad. He seemed so small and fragile to her at that moment. She saw all of the tubes coming out of his arm and little bags filled with unknown liquids that are invading his body but that's not what made him feel week. Her father was afraid. She could see it in his eyes. He knew he was going to die and he wasn't ready. Maya thought about how selfish he was. Even in that moment. He cared about his clean conscience and his son but not about her. And she could tell him that. She could cry and tell him what a terrible person he was and still is but she chose not to. She chose to be better. So instead she said: "I had this little teddy bear when I was a kid. After you left I carried it everywhere with me. I used to say it was because it made me feel safe and in a way it was but the real reason is that you gave me that bear. And every time I held it I had a feeling like you were with me somehow. It reminded me of all the stories you read to me and of moments that we spend together. It helped me remember you. I remember. And it wasn't all bad. Most of it was, but not all of it. And Bruce knows the better version of you. He'll remember it too."

Kermit looked at his daughter. It was as if he saw her for the first time. He looked past her blond curls that softly landed on her shoulders and her baby blue eyes. He saw a mature, strong woman that she became and he realized he wasn't the one that made her like that.

-You are nothing like me. - He told her. - You are so strong and all grown up. I didn't raise you but I am so proud of you. And I do regret not being there. Very much.

Maya sat in her chair surprised. Did she just have a moment with her father? A real moment where she didn't resent him and he saw her for who she really is? She didn't have time to relish in the moment because she was interrupted by the buzzing noise from her phone.

-Oh my god! - She screamed when she read the text.

-What is it? Did something happen? - Kermit was worried.

-It's my mom. - Maya said. - I got into NYU. I am off the wait list.

-You got in? - Kermit smiled.

-I got in! - Maya screamed with happiness. - I'm going to NYU.

XXXXXX

Maya was so excited she ran seven blocks from the hospital to Josh's dorm room. She stayed with her dad for the rest of his treatment and then rushed to tell her good news to the one person she knew would be the happiest for her. She was out of breath when she knocked on Josh's door. She knocked hard until he opened.

-Where's the fire Hart? - He said jokingly.

Maya couldn't speak, partially from excitement and partially from all that running so she took her phone out of her pocket and showed Josh the text from her mother.

-Oh my god! You got in. - He screamed.

He put his arms around her waist and lifted her of the ground.

-I knew you can do it. You are so amazing. - He congratulated her.

-And we are going to study at the same college. - Maya added to the excitement. Josh put her down on the ground and kissed her.

-Have you told Riley yet?

-No, I wanted you to be the first to know. - She answered.

He kissed her again. Maya wanted to kiss his lips forever. Even though they've been dating a long time every time he kissed her knees trembled and the sense of calm flooded her every muscle.

Nothing felt as good.

Josh loved when he could feel Maya smile through the kiss. It made him smile too.

-I have to go tell her. - Maya broke the kiss.

-I'll drive you. - Josh offered. He grabbed his key and left his room.

-Why do you still have a car? We're in New York. No one drives here. - Maya argued but went after him.

XXXXXX

They drove straight to the Matthews home. Maya had to share her good news with her best friend. She busted through the front door and with her arms stretched wide open screamed: "I got in!" Josh walked in behind her and closed the door.

Riley and Lucas sat on the couch watching a movie. Riley was in his arms and they were both covered with a worm blanket.

-The doors are unlocked. You don't have to announce yourself. - Riley said.

-We can see you got in. - Lucas added.

-Not in your house. I got into NYU. - She screamed again.

Riley screamed too and jumped from under the blanket to hug her best friend.

-I never doubted you. - Riley cried.

-I told you not to worry. - Lucas said from the couch. He stood up and hugged both girls. -Congratulation. I am very happy for you.

-Where are your parents? - Maya asked. - I got to tell them the good news.

-They'll be back soon. They're both at work.

-Cory it's not your wedding. Let it go. - They heard Topanga say in the hallway. The doors opened and Cory and Topanga walked in.

-I know Shawn better then Katy. He would never go for roses as flowers. That is too predictable. Hey girls. - He added when he saw the girls.

-My brother. - He greeted Josh.

-My brother. - Josh said back.

-Mr. Friar. - He said reserved.

-Mr. Mathews. Still not using my name?

-Still dating my daughter? - Cory asked.

-Yes. - Lucas answered.

-Then yes. - He said. Topanga hit him lightly on the shoulder.

-Don't listen to him. We're happy to see you. - She hugged Lucas.

-I got into NYU! - Maya said, not being able to hold it in any longer.

Cory and Topanga hugged her and congratulated her.

-We are so happy for you. - Cory told her.

-And proud. - Topanga added.

All four kids decided to go for a celebratory ice cream and Cory and Topanga were left alone in the apartment.

-Look Topanga, both of our girls are going to college in New York. - Cory told his wife.

-They grow up so fast. - Topanga said nostalgically.

-But at least they are staying here for a little while longer.

XXXXXX

-We really need to set the date. - Shawn told his fiancé. They sat on the couch and Shawn had his arm around Katy's shoulder.

She moved her comfortably rested head from his shoulder so she could look at him.

-I want to get married as soon as possible. - Katy smiled at him. - I can't wait to be your wife.

Shawn leaned forward and kissed her.

-Do we want a small wedding or a big one? - He asked.

-Small one. Just the closest friends and family. And I'd love it if we had one outside. That's why I want to get married soon. Before summer.

-How about in a month? - Shawn offered.

-Is that too soon? - Katy wondered.

-If we got married tomorrow it wouldn't be too soon. I love you and I don't want to wait any longer. - Shawn concluded.

-We are planning a wedding in one month are we crazy? - Katy asked with a smile.

-Maybe. But we make it work. - He smiled and kissed her.

-There is one more thing we need to talk about. - Shawn said more seriously.

-What?

-I want to adopt Maya. - He said. - Officially.

Katy smiled. - I love you. But you don't have to do it. She knows you love her.

-I know she does. But I plan on being here for her for the rest of my life and I want her to be certain about that. I would really love that.

-I guess you'll have to ask her yourself. If she says yes, I don't see a problem with it.

-I did some research on the subject already. And there is one thing. -He paused to choose his next words carefully. - Since Kermit is alive and technically he is still her father, before I can adopt her he has to give up his rights.

-Oh. -Katy said.

-Do you think that's something he'd be willing to do? -Shawn asked.

-If Maya asked him I don't see why not. He gave up his rights when he walked out. This would just make it official.

-I'll talk to her when she comes back then. - Shawn said with a hopeful smile.

XXXXXX

Katy went to bed early and Shawn decided to stay up and wait for Maya. He was very excited about becoming her father and he hoped Maya would be excited too.

He fall asleep on the couch watching a movie. He woke up to the sound of doors slamming behind Maya.

-Sorry, did I wake you up? - She asked when she noticed him on the couch.

-Why are you sleeping there? Did you and mom had a fight?

-No. I was just waiting for you. - Shawn rubbed his eyes.

Maya sat next to him on the couch.

-Why? What's going on? - She asked worriedly.

-I need to ask you something. - He started. - I love you very much.

-I love you too. - Maya said wondering where this conversation was going.

-I will always be there for you. And I hope that in the past you felt like you could count on me and I would very much like for you to feel like that in the future. I want you to know that you always have somewhere to turn to.

-I know that Shawn. You were the best father figure I always had. - Maya said honestly. - You don't have to worry.

-That's good. I'm glad you feel that way. - Shawn smiled. - Now how would you feel if I told you I wanted to adopt you?

Maya sat there in silence with her mouth slightly opened. She didn't know what to say. Her emotions got the best of her and she started to cry. She always saw Shawn as a father. She even called him that a couple of times. And now he wanted to adopt her. He wanted to be her father officially. He nodded her head yes a couple of times and then she put her head on his chest and hugged him tightly. Shawn smiled and hugged her back.

-So those are happy tears? - He asked.

Maya nodded fiercely with her head still in his cheats.

-Good. - He said. - That's good.

A/N: Hey guys, hope you enjoy this one. Thank you all for your support and comments and follows. They all mean the world to me so keep them coming and hopefully the next chapter comes faster then this one. I will do my best.


	20. Torn

A/N: Hey guys. I am so happy for all of reviews and follows so thank you and keep them coming. Hope you enjoy this one as well.

-I never thought that this would actually be more relaxing then home. – Maya told her dad when she came to visit that day. She's been coming for a whole week now. Maya didn't mind it as much as she thought she would. After a while Fred stopped coming too. He was getting better and they scheduled a surgery for him. His last one. Maya was happy for a stranger she only talked to a couple of times. So for the last few days it's been just the two of them. They usually watched TV together. Somehow there was always an old wester on some channel and when that bored them, they skipped through until they found a commercial break. Maya always loved commercials which drove Katy and Shawn mad. But it seems it was something she had in common with Kermit.

-Wedding drama? – He asked, still focused on the movie.

-They plan on getting married in three weeks and there are still so many things they need to get done. I never realized how much it takes to plan a wedding.

-Your mom is going to make a beautiful bride. – Kermit said with sudden memories over flooding him. – At least she did the first time.

-You kind of screwed that up. – Maya reminded him.

-I remember. – His voice told her he came back from memory lane.

Maya couldn't describe how she felt about Kermit. She didn't understand it herself. She knew she shouldn't trust him and she didn't like him, but somehow, sitting there, next to him while watching an old western felt strangely comfortable. It felt kind of familiar. Like they've been doing it for years. Like he has been there for years.

-Shawn will come to pick me up. – She said half wanting to stop thinking about getting closer with Kermit and half because she's been putting it off for so long and she promised Shawn they would do it today.

-And he will also stop to speak to you. – She finished carefully.

-Oh. – Kermit sighed. – What about? – He asked the dreaded question.

Maya didn't understand this feeling in her stomach. Why did she feel bad? She didn't do anything wrong. Her father has. She is not a bad person for wanting to have a real dad that cares about her.

-He…um… - She stuttered. – He…wants to adopt me.

Kermit let out a little squeal of understanding.

-What does he need from me? – He asked without changing the tone of his voice.

Maya continued more certainly:" In order to do so, he needs you to give up your parental rights."

To soften the blow, she added:" It's only one little signature and nothing more."

Kermit paused for a moment. Perhaps to think about doing it. Perhaps just to torture her with silence.

-And this is what you want? – He asked after a while.

-Yes. – Maya was sure of it. – That's what I want.

-Then who am I to say no. – He said and quickly added: "But you'll still visit?"

Maya unwillingly smiled.

-I made a promise, didn't I?

-Good. – Kermit confirmed.

-Is he good to you? – Kermit asked after a couple of moments of silence.

-He loves me very much. – Maya answered, knowing the question was about Shawn.

-That's good. You deserve someone like that. A real dad. – Kermit said, emphasizing the last two words.

-I do. – Maya simply said, with her eyes still on the TV screen.

-I am sorry I couldn't have been there for you like that. – Kermit said remorsefully.

-Yeah, my therapist had a field day with that one. – She joked. Kermit smiled out of the corner of his mouth.

-It's funny cause it's true. – Maya added and laughed. She didn't say it to be mean. Kermit knew that.

They heard a soft knock on the door. Shawn peaked from the door.

-Is it okay if I come in? – He asked.

Maya nodded and Shawn walked in. Maya's face lid up when she saw him and Kermit noticed it. Shawn and Kermit exchanged hellos and shook each other's hands with a noticeable stiffness.

-I'll wait for you out side. – Maya said as she kissed Shawn's cheek.

-Same time tomorrow. – She told Kermit and walked out.

Shawn and Kermit were left alone in the room. Uncomfortable silence formed around them. The tension started to build up.

-So… - Shawn started to break the silence. – How's the treatment going?

-It's going as well as you'd hope, considering it can't actually save my life. – Kermit answered.

-Right. Look I am just going to get to the point. I am sure Maya told you already about the adoption.

-Right. Yes, she told me. – Kermit answered.

-Great. I assume you have no objection. – Kermit smiled forcefully at him, but Shawn acted as if didn't see it. He continued. – I have papers with me. You can just sign them now and I can have them ready even before the wedding.

-You are officiant. I'll give you that. – Kermit said with a wider smile on his face.

-And I don't flee when it gets hard and leave people behind. – Shawn said with a fake laugh, acting as it was meant as a joke, but he meant every word.

-It's funny cause it's true. – Kermit answered with an equally loud fake laugh that covered up years of regret and the fact he knew Shawn was right.

XXXXXX

-So your dad signed the papers? – Josh asked Maya when they were alone in her room later that day.

They were laying in Maya's bed. She had her head on his chest and Josh had both of his arms wrapped around Maya. Katy and Shawn were out tasting wedding cakes.

-Yes. Shawn talked to him. – She said. – Now all he has to do is bring it to a lawyer and in a week or so I'll have a dad.

-I am very happy for you.

-I went to the batting cages with Bruce yesterday. - Maya smiled when she remembered the day she spent with her brother.

-How was it? - Josh wanted to know.

-It was better than I thought it would be. He is so smart. And we went to get ice cream after and his favorite flavor is raspberry, just like mine. And I think he really liked me. - Maya spoke excitedly.

-What's not to like? - Josh said. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. She traced little circles with her finger on his chest.

-Do you ever think about the future? - She asked him all of a sudden.

Josh paused before he answered: "I do. A lot actually."

-Do you think of me in that future? - Her voice trembled.

-Maya you are in every thought I have. I don't have a future without you. - He answered honestly. That made her smile.

-And how do you see us in this future fantasy of yours?

-Well... We have a gorgeous pent house apartment in the middle of Manhattan. The walls are made of glass and you can see the whole city from up there and it is beautiful. And it inspires you to paint. And you have these great art galleries fighting over which one gets to display your work. And I am the CEO of a huge company but I don't work so much and we get to see each other a lot. And we spend every night drinking wine and talking. And we travel all over the world and we experience it all together. Then we have kids and we fight over who will spoil them more. A boy and a girl. And they both have your eyes and your smile and we are happy. Very happy. Or we live in a country side with a huge house where you have your own painting studio and you teach art and I own a restaurant and you come over and we have lunch together every day and we pick up kids from day care and walk through town and everyone knows everyone and we have a dog named Skippy. I haven't decided yet.

-We are not naming our dog Skippy. - Maya exclaimed.

-Why not?

-That's a terrible name.

-That's a great name. - He defended himself.

Maya squirmed out from his hold and supported her weight with her elbows so she could look him straight in the eyes.

-You are not allowed to name our children. - She said seriously.

-Fine. But I am naming the dog. - He fired back.

-Fine. - Happy with their compromise, she put her head back on his chest.

-And I want more kids. I want a big family. I always hated that I had no brothers or sisters.

-As long as they come out of you, I am fine with that.

They both laughed.

XXXXXX

The next two weeks flew by very fast. Katy and Shawn gave up on wedding plans and let Cory do it for them. That kept them all happy. Cory said he knew exactly what they wanted and he refused to let them see any of the details. Shawn trusted him and he told Katy that he only cared that she is the one that stands in front of him on that day and says I do. Everything else will fall in its place.

Katy trusted Shawn but she was a little nervous. Still, she had to admit it was a huge weight of her shoulders that she didn't have to do it by herself.

Topanga assured her that she will be there to make sure Cory doesn't go overboard. That made her feel a lot better.

Maya went to visit her father every day. And she hated it less and less. Until one day she didn't hate it at all. She even brought Josh with her one time. Kermit was happy and he told Josh to take care of his little girl when he's gone.

-I missed out on a beautiful person and I will never forgive myself for that. - He told Josh when Maya went to get them some coffee.

-You should tell her that. - Josh responded. - I think she would really like to know.

Kermit smiled but he never said anything when she came back. He was getting weaker. Maya tried not to notice it but she did. She though that he didn't have very long.

Just before their last visit, Kermit called her and asked if they could meet somewhere else since he didn't have any treatments that day. She agreed so they met in Central Park. When Maya arrived at the park, he was already sitting on a bench near the fountain.

-You're early. - Maya noticed and sat next to him.

-It's a beautiful day. I didn't want to miss it.

-It really is. - Maya agreed.

-You know I missed a lot of beautiful days in my life. And I thought it was fine during the winter but now that it's sunny again I realize how much I miss them. And they somehow got even better then I remember. They grew up and I am very proud of them. - Kermit looked in her eyes. - Do you understand? - He asked.

Maya looked at him and nodded.

-The beautiful day's hate to admit it but they missed you too. - She said.

Kermit smiled and for the first time in years he hugged his daughter. Maya hugged him back. He started to cry as he thought about how this could be the last chance he has to see her.

He did so many things wrong in his life but he finally agreed with Katy on something. Maya and Bruce were the best thing that ever happened to him.

-I said I'd take Bruce to get some ice cream and he told me to ask if you would like to join us. - Kermit said still hugging Maya.

-I'd love to. - Maya said.

She spent a lot of time with Bruce in the past two weeks. So much it started to feel like they actually grew up together. Bruce even met Aggie and they had a couple of play dates together.

Maya and Kermit got up from the bench and slowly went to meet up with Bruce for ice cream. They all ate raspberry.

That night Maya called Josh.

-I was just thinking about you. -He said when he answered his phone.

-Can you come over? - Maya said on the other line. She'd been crying.

-I'll be there in 20 minutes. What happened?

-My dad died.


	21. Unreal

Sometimes in life time just stops. Time stops and you feel numb. Every though you ever had, every memory you ever made, none of that mattes in those moments. The only thing that matters is pain.

Maya didn't understand her pain. She didn't understand how she could feel so bad about losing someone who wasn't even there for most of her life.

Kermit's wife called them and said Kermit's heart stopped. He died in his bed, next to his wife. Katy answered the phone and found out first. She let out a small gasp. She mourned the man she loved a long time ago. Shawn hugged her and calmed her down before she went to tell Maya.

Maya started to cry despite her better judgment and called Josh. He came as fast as he could. He told Shawn and Katy not to worry.

-I got her. – He assured them and went into Maya's room.

She was lying in her bed, crying. The second she saw Josh she ran towards him and put her arms around his neck and held on tightly. Josh picked her up and carried her to her bed, just like that night she got drunk. He sat down with her in his lap and gently rocked her back and forth. Maya cried on his shoulder.

-I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I crying? – She asked through the tears.

-Nothing. – Josh assured her. – Nothing's wrong with you. He was your dad. No matter what kind of dad, he was still your dad. You're allowed to be hurt. It's okay.

-He was a jerk. – She stuttered.

-I know. – Josh said.

-He abandoned me. – She cried.

-I know.

-He died. – Her voice cracked and she cried harder.

-I know. – Josh's eyes filled with tears and a tear rolled down his cheek.

He held her tighter and rubbed her back as she cried in his arms.

-I am so sorry. – He said. – But it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

She cried until she fell asleep. Still in his arms.

XXXXXX

Josh didn't remember when he fell asleep but when he woke up it was already morning and Maya was laying next to him. He spent the whole night there. It took him a moment to remember last night. It broke his heart to see Maya so upset. She didn't even think how Shawn and Katy were in the room right next to them. He was afraid that if he moved, he would wake her up so he stayed in the same position. His arms still around Maya. He focused on her breathing and slowly went back to sleep.

He woke up again a couple of hours later. Maya was already awake. She was still laying in the bed.

-Hey. – He said.

-Hey. – They both turned on their sides to face each other.

-Feel any better? – Josh asked.

Maya smiled and nodded.

-Thank you for coming over.

-I will always be here. No matter what. – He assured her.

-I know. Thank you.

-It's okay if you are still upset.

-I think I got most of it out. He just snuck up on me. I didn't realize I cared so much.

-You spent a lot of time together recently. It's understandable.

-He told me he was proud of me yesterday. – She smiled. – I think he knew he was going to die. He took me and Bruce for ice cream. It was really nice.

-It's okay to miss him. – Josh said, like he was reading her mind.

-He hurt me so much. And I hate that I let him in. I hate that it's going to hurt again.

-It would've hurt that he died no matter what. I think that because you knew him it actually hurts less because if you didn't, the regret would've eaten you alive.

-I can't believe my parents let you spend the night. – Maya changed the subject and Josh let her.

-I think there's a good chance Shawn is waiting for me with an axe outside.

They laughed.

-Just to be sure, I should leave the room first. – Maya said.

XXXXXX

Maya went over to Kermit's house that day to see if there was anything she could help out with and to see Bruce.

The house was full of people. They were all dressed in black and sharing Kermit stories. No one even noticed Maya. She walked around looking for Bruce and she finally noticed him. He was sitting on the stairs by himself. She sat next to him.

-Hey buddy. – She smiled at him. Bruce didn't smile back.

-Mammy says daddy's not coming back. – He said with a sad voice.

-I know. That must make you really sad.

Bruce nodded yes.

-I am sad too. – Maya said. – I miss him and that makes me sad. It's okay to be sad. We lost someone and that's sad. But we made a lot of memories with him. And he will always be there for us in those memories. So every time you miss him and feel bad that he's not there you close your eyes and think about one time you were together and it made you really happy.

Bruce closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He smiled.

-I am thinking how we ate ice cream yesterday and he put some on my nose.

Maya's eyes filled with tears.

-That's a really good one. – She put her hand on his shoulder as he pictured his dad, the guy Maya will never know, and they stayed like that, together for a while.

XXXXXX

-There you are. – Bruce's mother found them on the stairs. She was a little surprised when she saw Maya.

Bruce jumped to hug her and smiled.

-Maya told me that dad is with me in my memories and I am not so sad anymore.

-That's great honey. – She said with tears in her eyes. – Why don't you go outside to play with your cousins.

Bruce ran out and Susan sat next to Maya on the stairs.

-You are really good with him. I've been trying all day to get him to smile.

-It's not hard. He's a great kid. – Maya answered. She looked around the room.

-He had a lot of people who loved him. – She noticed.

-I didn't plan this. Everyone just kind of showed up. – Susan started to explain.

-That's okay. – Maya stepped in.

-I'd just hate for you to think that I would exclude you. – Susan said.

-I don't. – Maya assured her.

-Good. – Susan said. They sat in silence. Maya thought how funny it was that she didn't know this woman and yet they had their grief in common.

-He told me yesterday was one the best days of his life. You made him very happy. Thank you for that. – Susan told her.

-You know, I spent so much time hating him and now I actually miss him. – Maya told her.

-He really was a great person. He loved Bruce. He changed a lot from the guy you remember. – Susan defended him.

-People change people. – Maya concluded.

-I guess so. – Susan said.

XXXXXX

Maya stayed for a couple of hours because Susan insisted. She met some of Kermit's friends and they all had only the best to say about him. Some of them even knew about her. Apparently Kermit spoke about her a lot. She snuck out without saying goodbye to anyone and she headed straight to the safest place she knew.

Riley was already sitting on the bay window when Maya entered her room. Maya sat next to her and put her head on Riley's shoulder. Riley took Maya's hand in hers and that was enough. They didn't have to talk. Riley understood. Maya just needed to put her head on Riley's shoulder and she knew everything will be okay.

Cory walked in the room and sat next to Riley.

-How are you? – He asked Maya.

-I've been better. – She answered honestly but still managed to smile.

-Do you have any lesson for me now? – She asked hopeful.

-People think that history is all about war and distraction and pain because they don't pay attention. If they did, they would've noticed that after every tragedy, every war and every distraction people moved on. They got up, they fought and they got better. Every time.

-There was a lot pf people who failed to do that. – Maya noticed.

-Those people didn't have anyone. You do. Hold on to your friends and you will be fine. – Cory said.

-Honestly, that was the first thing that anybody said to me today that made any sense. – Maya said.

-Your friends got your back. – Riley said.

-Thank you. Both of you.

XXXXXX

Kermit's funeral was two days later. Katy and Shawn went, Cory and Topanga as well. And Maya's friends wanted to be there for her too. Farkle, Lucas, Riley and Josh didn't leave her side. It was a close casket but anyone could walker over and say their goodbyes before the service started. Maya didn't feel like she had anything left to say. They sat in one of the back rows. The church was filled with people. Some Maya recognized from the other day and some she never saw before.

The service started and everyone was quit. The priest said a couple of beautiful lines and then he opened the floor to anyone who wanted to say something.

Susan stood up first. She delivered a speech that brought many people to tears. And just when she was nearly done Susan pointed to Maya and said something that left Maya in complete shock: "Maybe Kermit's daughter would like to say a couple of words now?"

Maya wanted to sit there quietly, wait until everyone said their goodbyes and then leave with her friend without anyone even noticing. Now every pair of eyes in the room was staring at her.

She turned her head towards the church doors. No one would blame her if she ran. She could say she was overcome by grief. Then she looked back towards the front of the church and she saw little Bruce looking at her, so she gathered any sadness she had about her dad and headed to Susan.

Susan hugged her shortly and sat down. Maya looked at the people sitting in front of her. She had no idea what to say. She opened her mouth and the words started to pour out by themselves: "I didn't know Kermit all that well. As some of you know, he wasn't really around for me when I was growing up. I only spent the last couple of weeks with him. The Kermit I knew wasn't the person I heard you talk about. He was mean and selfish and immature. He left one kid he had and made another one. And then he came back to my life and then he died. I will never get the chance to know him. And he will never get the chance to know me. But he tried. And for the rest of my life I will know that he tried. Maybe that will be enough. And because he left my mom and had another wife I have a little brother. So maybe it wasn't all bad. And maybe he really was the person you all claim you knew."

Maya turned around and walked to the casket and quietly, so no one else would here she whispered one last thing to her dad: "I forgive you. For everything."

She turned around to leave and then just to be sure she added: "And not just because you're dead."

I guess after all, she did have something to say.


	22. Very ordinary

"It was a beautiful service."

"He was a great guy."

"That was a great speech."

"He is in a better place now."

Maya heard from strangers all day. They came to her and told her little overly used lines and left feeling better about themselves for comforting a grieving child. Maya couldn't wait to leave this place.

-Can we skip the gathering at the house and just go somewhere for lunch? Just us? - Maya asked her friends and family.

-Sure. - Katy answered. - We can do that.

She looked at Shawn, he nodded and Katy added: "Maya, Shawn and I've been thinking and we decided that it would be best if we postponed the wedding. Just for a little while."

-Oh no. - Maya didn't want that. - Don't do that for me. I am really looking forward to your wedding. We all are.

-And I worked really hard on it. - Cory added.

Topanga elbowed him in the ribs.

-This wedding will mean a lot to all of us so don't put it off. I am fine. Really. -She concluded.

-Are you sure? - Katy asked concerned.

-We really don't mind. - Shawn added.

-I am absolutely sure. - Maya said.

Katy hugged her daughter.

-I love you.

-I love you too, mom.

They all headed to Topanga's. Sitting there with the people she loved and that loved her felt right. Josh never let go of her hand. Lucas and Farkle made jokes. Cory told Shawn and Katy about some wedding details. And Topanga and Riley watched Maya lovingly.

Maya felt worm and safe. She felt happy.

While everyone was busy talking and Katy went to order another coffee, Josh joined her under the false excuse of needing a bathroom so he could talk to her.

-I wanted to take Maya on a little road trip. I was thinking Cooper's beach in Southampton. Just so she could get her mind of things. We'll be back in time for the wedding.

-When were you thinking of leaving?

-Tomorrow morning. It's a 3-hour drive and I was thinking we could spend the night and the next day we can head back in the evening. And it will be just in time for the wedding the next day.

-I think that's a great idea. She'll love it. - Katy said. - And it's really nice that you asked me for permission.

-Of course. - Josh said. - I wouldn't have done it any other way.

XXXXXX

Maya was excited for the road trip. It was just what she needed. What she wasn't excited about was the early waking up. Josh wanted to leave at 7a.m. so Maya had to get up at six. She was not a morning person at all. She packed her bags last night. Just a couple of shirts and swimming suits. Josh said he'll bring all the camping gear. Maya never went camping but Josh loved it. He used to go with his dad all the time. He was convinced she'd love it to. Maya wasn't as much. She was a city girl. But at least they are going to the beach.

-Did you pack everything you need? – Shawn asked her with his eyes half closed. If anyone hated mornings more than Maya, it was Shawn.

-I think so. – Maya put down her bag in the living room. – You didn't have to get up so early.

-I wanted to see you before you leave. And I can't sleep after your mom gets up anyways.

-All right. I packed you some sandwiches so you don't starve. – Katy said as she entered the living room from the kitchen.

-Thanks mom.

-Do you have enough money? – Shawn asked.

-I have money and food and everything else I might need. Stop worrying. – She said with a smile.

Josh rang the doorbell.

-Right on time. – Maya said and ran to open the door.

They said goodbye to Katy and Shawn and put their bags in the trunk. They sat in the car, waved at the worried parents and Josh started the car.

Maya turned on the radio and searched for a station she liked. When she finally found it, she turned the music up and sat back in her seat.

-This was a good idea. I needed this. – She turned to Josh.

-I'm glad. – He smiled. – This is going to be fun.

-And the weather is nice. – Maya noticed.

-You can fall asleep if you are tiered. – Josh told her. – I'll wake you up when we get there.

-I want to be awake for this. – Maya said with a smile.

-I love this song. – She said when the next song came on.

-What song is this? – Josh asked her.

-All I want by Kodaline.

-I never heard of it. – Josh said.

-It's really romantic. – Maya said. – Listen to the words.

 _All I want is nothing more_

 _To hear you knocking at my door_

 _'Cause if I could see your face once more_

 _I could die a happy man I'm sure._

-It's a break up song. – Josh said after he heard another verse.

 _But if you loved me_

 _Why'd you leave me?_

 _Take my body_

 _Take my body_

 _All I want is,_

 _And all I need is_

 _To find somebody._

 _I'll find somebody like you._

-Yes but I like to think it's about someone he eventually gets back together with. Love like that doesn't just go away.

-I just realized, we don't have a song. – Josh screamed.

-You're right. We should have a song. How about this one? – Maya suggested.

-It's a break up song. – Josh said.

-It is not just a break up song. I believe they get together. They just have to wait a while. Like we waited for each other. – Maya explained.

-That's really sweet. – Josh said. – But it's still a break up song.

-Fine. – Maya gave up. – You pick a song then.

Josh thought about it for a while.

-How about Lovers of the sun? Remember 5 years ago when I saw you dancing to it.

-You remember that? – Maya was surprised.

-Of course I do. – He said. – I remember everything that has to do with you.

-You are so sweet. – Maya smiled. – But there is no way a Guetta song is going to be our song.

-Why not? – Josh wondered.

-I want something sweet and romantic. Not a dance song. – Maya concluded.

-How about we wait until a song comes on in a romantic moment and if we both like it, that will be our song. – Josh suggested.

-Deal. – Maya agreed.

They spent the rest of the ride in a flirty banter. Three hours passed by unnoticeably. Soon enough they were on a beach side. Josh parked and they both left the car. They found a secluded part of the beach, behind some rocks where they could be alone.

They listened to the sound of waves breaking on the shore.

-It's beautiful. – Maya finally said.

-It really is. – Josh said.

-Raise you to the water. – Maya said and dropped on the ground all of the bags she carried. She quickly ran towards the water, still in her clothes, only taking off her shoes. Josh did the same and ran after her. He caught up to her just as the water touched her bare feet. He picked her up and twirled her around. Maya screamed. Josh carried her deeper in the water and dropped her in.

They played in the water all day like two kids. They kissed and splashed each other. They took a break laying on the warm sand and letting the sun caress their skin.

-I think this might be my favorite place in the world. – Maya told Josh as they laid on the sand.

-Wait until you see the sunset. – Josh told her.

-You've been here before? – Maya asked.

-Yeah. I come here sometimes to thing. During exam weeks and stuff like that.

-You drive for three hours just so you can sit here and think?

-Like I said, wait until you see the sunset.

They put on dry clothes and climbed on the rocks that surrounded the beach so they could see the sunset better. Maya watched as the sky burned in bright orange and red that slowly melted into the pitch black. She was breathless.

-I am going to paint this one day. – She said.

-I can't wat to see it through your eyes. – Josh answered.

-I never told you about what I pictured my future to be like.

-I beg your pardon? – Josh was confused.

-Well I asked you about where you see yourself but I never told you about me.

-You can tell me now. – Josh encouraged her.

-I don't know exactly. – She turned towards Josh. – But I wouldn't mind if this was how we spent the rest of our lives.

Josh smiled and kissed her.

-As long as we are together I will be fine. – She said. – And if we don't have to sleep on the ground, that would be great. – She added.

-Do you want to sleep in the car? – Josh offered.

-No, I can sleep on the ground for one night. – Maya said.

She kissed him deeper and then she looked at him with a devilish smile.

-But I can think of one thing we can do in the car that is not related to sleeping.

Josh smiled at her and picked her up.

-You don't have to tell me twice. – He said and made Maya laugh.

XXXXXX

The next morning, they both woke up early. They slept in a tent on the beach. They woke up to the sound of waves. Maya thought how she could wake up like this for the rest of her life.

-Let's go somewhere nice for breakfast. – Maya suggested.

-I know just the place. – Josh responded.

He took her to a dinner a few blocks away from the beach. They sat down in a booth closest to the window and ordered. Maya ate waffles and Josh went for eggs and bacon. The food was amazing. But what was even better was the calming feeling Maya got just by sitting in a booth of a dinner, in a faraway place with the person she loved. She realized that she could be anywhere in the world right now and she wouldn't be scared, as long as Josh was next to her. They spent the day walking around the town, eating milkshakes, and playing on the beach without the care in the world. There was no one around them to bother them or die suddenly. Everything was like in a fairytale. Maya liked the idea of a life with Josh. She thought they would be good together in a domesticated way and she couldn't wait for that part of her life to start. But all good things have to end and Maya and Josh had their lives to get back to. They stayed to watched the sunset again and Maya silently swore that she will come back soon. Then they sat in the car and rode back to the center of misshape and confusion-home.

They arrived back at around 2 o'clock in the morning. Maya couldn't wait for the wedding tomorrow.

A/N: Hey guys. I've been inspired lately so that's why you get three chapters in two days. I hope you like it and if you do review and follow. And if you don't you can tell me why.


	23. Wedding

Everyone was excited for the wedding. Maya barely slept that night. She woke up very early and decided to make Katy and Shawn breakfast, to start them off nicely on their big day. She made them pancakes and served them with syrup and juice on a platter. As quietly as she could, she carried the platter with food to their room and entered on her tip toes, without knocking. She put the food on the night stand next to her mother and pulled the curtains apart to let the sun shine through. Her mother growled and covered her face with a pillow. Shawn didn't even move. Determent to wake them up, she jumped on the bed. Katy jumped right up like someone was chasing her but Shawn wouldn't budge.

-Wake up Shawn. It's your wedding day. – Maya grabbed his shoulder and shook it.

-Just five more minutes. – Shawn begged with a sleepy voice.

-I made breakfast. – Maya smiled.

-I'm up. – Shawn immediately opened his eyes.

Maya grabbed the platter and put it in between Katy and Shawn.

-They look amazing sweetie. Thank you so much. – Katy said and tried a bite.

-They taste even better. – Shawn said with his mouth full. He stuffed a whole pancake in.

-How was your trip? – Katy asked with a wide smile.

-It was exactly what I needed. – Maya said honestly. – The Southampton is so beautiful and the beach is like one of those travel magazines cover photos. Just gorgeous. – She told them about the sunset and the cute dinner and how nicely Josh treated her. As soon as she was finished it was time for them to get ready. Katy and Shawn decided not to see each other until the wedding. But saying goodbye was a little harder than they thought. They kept kissing each other goodbye and every time one of them was about to leave, the other one would say they'll miss them and they kissed again.

-What is wrong with you? You'll only be apart for like six hours. – Maya wondered out loud.

Luckily, Cory showed up to take Shawn to their place to get ready as a part of his best-man duties. He dragged Shawn away.

Katy wanted an outdoor wedding and Cory provided. He booked a beautiful little hotel on the edge of town that has a big beautiful garden and an ocean view. And it was only an hour away. Cory booked the entire hotel so all the guests could sleep over and then go back to the city in the morning. It was Saturday so no one had to rush back to work.

Katy and Shawn saw the hotel for the first time yesterday, when Maya and Josh were on their road trip.

 _-Cory, it's so beautiful. – Katy said when she saw it for the first time. She was breathless as she saw the big garden filled with rosses, daffodils and lily's. All in shades of baby pink and white. Two sections of white chairs where their guests would sit during the ceremony were separated with a baby pink colored carpet that mimicked an aisle. On both sides of the carpet was a row of daisy pomanders. And in front of it all, a beautiful wedding arch that was decorated with the same colored flowers that grew in the garden. The trees around the space were covered with white drapes._

 _-Why do you sound so surprised? – Cory asked her offended._

 _-Because I am. But you really didn't disappoint._

 _-Yeah Cory. Everything looks amazing. I can't believe you did all this. – Shawn looked around it awe._

 _-And with the ocean view. – Katy screamed with excitement._

 _-How much is this going to cost us? – Shawn asked so Katy wouldn't hear._

 _-You don't want to know. – Cory patted his back._

Maya and Katy arrived at the hotel an hour and a half later because of the traffic. Topanga and Riley, as a part of the bridal party arrived early.

They were there to help Katy have the best day of her life. They had two hair dressers and a make up artist to help them get ready. They drank mimosas and laughed. Even Maya and Riley drank a couple.

-I can't believe I'm getting married. – Katy yelled out.

-Honestly, I can't either. – Maya told her.

-You are going to love married life. – Topanga advised her. – Cory and I got married young and we had a couple of rough years when we were starting out but you guys are adults. You'll be fine.

-Thank you Topanga. – Katy said and the two friends hugged.

-I can't wait to call you aunt Katy. – Riley said excitedly.

-That kind of makes Cory my uncle. – Maya said. – Sweet.

-I better put on my wedding dress. – Katy said as she got out of her seat.

It's a corny line because every bride hears it on her wedding day but Katy Hart was the most beautiful bride. Her egg shell mermaid dress showed off her curves in all the right place and it made her look classy.

-That dress looks amazing on you. – Topanga said.

-Wow. – Was all that Riley managed to say.

-Mom you look beautiful. – Maya smiled at her.

-Thank you baby girl. – Katy said excitedly.

Her dress was sleeveless. Her vail was long and it reached the ground. Her hair was tucked in a nice bun with a couple of lose curls in the front.

Katy looked at herself in the mirror. Maya approached her from behind and put her arms on her shoulders.

-You really do make a beautiful bride. – Maya told her as she remembered the words her father told her.

-Katy put her hands on Maya's and smiled at her in the mirror.

They heard a knock on the door. Josh opened the door.

-Mises Hart, you look…incredible. – He said as soon as he saw her.

-Thank you Josh. You are very sweet. – Katy responded.

-I came by to tell you we arrived. Shawn is very anxious to see you and he told me to tell you he loves you very much. – He paused and looked at Maya. – And if it's not too much of a trouble, I would like to borrow your daughter for a minute.

Maya smiled and they looked at each other for a second. They haven't seen each other since last night but she already missed him like crazy.

-Of course you can. – Katy told him. – The wedding starts in half an hour, just be back by then.

-We will. – Maya said and joined Josh on the other side of the doors.

She wore a peach sleeveless dress that reached all the way to the floor. It was a simple bridesmaid's drees but it looked gorgeous on her.

-You always look beautiful but in that dress…wow. – He said as his eyes took her in.

-I can't believe I never saw you in a suit before. – Maya said as her eyes roamed his body. – You need to wear it more often.

He kissed her against the wall. Maya put her hands under his suit jacket and pushed them hire. Josh's arms held her waist tightly.

Maya broke the kiss.

-We can't do this here. And we can't crumple our clothes. – She said.

-Then we should take them off. – Josh said with a smirk. He kissed her neck.

-Stop it. – Maya giggled. – You know I can't resist when you kiss my neck.

-Fine. – Josh leaned both his hands on the wall, on each side of her head. He didn't kiss her but he still stood very close to her. He was smiling and looking at her eyes. Maya was smiling too.

-What? – She asked.

-You have no idea how much I love you. – He responded.

XXXXXX

Cory, Eric and Auggy were with Shawn as he was getting ready.

-Shawn Hunter is getting married. – Eric said. – I am proud of you buddy. I knew you had it in you.

-How about you uncle Eric? Will you get married any time soon? – Auggy asked him.

-Oh, no. – Eric said. – I am married to my country. – He was planning on running for a president in the next election.

-And plus he is still not over…

-Rachel! – Eric screamed, finishing Cory's sentence.

-I am very nervous. – Shawn said.

-That's normal. – Cory comforted him. – I was nervous when Topanga and I got married.

-You were? – Shawn asked in surprise. – But you always knew she was the one. You guys are Cory and Topanga. You always knew.

-That's true. But still getting married is a big deal. And we were both so young. I don't regret not waiting because I loved her and I knew, but it still wasn't easy.

-Yeah, I remember. – Shawn said and put his hand on Cory's shoulder. They both shivered as they recalled the dorm room that Cory and Topanga used as their first home.

-Still you guys had each other. – Eric said. – That got you through everything.

-Yeah it did. – Cory said with a smile. There was a lot of good memories when it came to him and Topanga.

-And then you had Riley and me. – Auggy cut in.

-And you made us even happier. – Cory hugged his son.

-What is taking Josh so long? – Shawn wondered.

XXXXXX

Guest were starting to arrive. The staff helped everyone find their seats. There wasn't a lot of guests. Just their closest friends and family. Cory's parents came too. Amy and Alan wouldn't miss this for the world. They spent some time with their grandchildren before the wedding started. They don't get to see them as much during the school year and they miss them terribly. There was fifty or sixty people there in total. The priest that was about to marry them stood in front of the arch, waiting for the bride and groom. Shawn, Cory and Auggy took their places as well. Josh and Maya lost track of time so Josh had to run across the aisle to his place, which caused same laughs from the guests.

As the band started to play Pachelbel's _Canon in D,_ Maya walked the aisle, followed by Topanga and Riley. When it was finally time for Katy to come, all the guests stood up. All eyes were on Katy but she only noticed Shawn's. Shawn couldn't stop smiling as she was approaching. His eyes got teary and he thought about how lucky he was to find someone like her. Katy stopped in front of him.

-Hey. – He managed to tell her.

-Hi. – She responded. Both of them were smiling like two middle schoolers.

-You are beautiful. – Shawn managed to say.

-You are pretty handsome too. – She responded.

-Shall we begin? – The priest asked. They both nodded and he continued.

-Dearly bellowed, we are gathered here today… - He started. He gave his speech on love and what marriage should be like. Everyone sat in silence as the priest spoke. Everyone looked at Katy and Shawn, only Josh looked at Maya. He saw how happy she was. He noticed the excitement in her eyes and that made him giddy. He loved that girl and in that moment he knew he could love her for the rest of his life.

-Do you Katy Hart, take Shawn Hunter to be your lawfully wedded husband?

-I do. – Katy responded right away.

-Do you Shawn Hunter…

-Yes. – Shawn answered. Everyone laughed.

-I am really glad you are so eager to be married but I would really appreciate if I could finish my question first. – The priest joked.

-Sorry. – Shawn said.

-Okay then. Now – The priest continued. – Do you Shawn Hunter, take Katy Hart to be your lawfully wedded wife?

-I do. – Shawn said.

-Then, by the power invested in my by God, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Shawn and Katy kissed and their guests applauded loudly. Riley, Maya and Auggy threw rose petals on the newlyweds as they kissed and walked down the aisle together as a married couple for the first time. Now all the guests got to throw rose petals.

In the middle of excitement and congratulations Josh found Maya. He approached her from behind and put his arms around her waist. Maya turned around to face him.

Everyone around them cheered, rose petals were falling on them from all sides and Josh couldn't stop smiling.

-You're looking at me like that again. –Maya told him.

-How am I looking at you?

-The same way you looked at me in the hall earlier. – Maya explained.

-Don't I always look at you like this? – Josh asked.

-No. it's different this time. – She said.

-Different how? – Josh didn't understand.

-I don't know. It just is. – She concluded.

-I want to ask you something. – He said.

-You can ask me anything. – She said.

-Will you marry me?

A/N: What just happened? Did Josh just propose? I think he did. Did you guys see that coming? Let me know what you think and how you hope this will turn out.


	24. Xerosis

-What? – Maya said.

-Will you marry me? – Josh repeated his question.

-Are you crazy? – Maya asked him on the verge of anger.

-The cliché thing to say would be crazy for you.

-This is not funny. – Maya said and started to walk away.

-I am not trying to be funny. – Josh went after her. Maya walked over to the big oak tree that was far away from the crowed and stopped. Josh followed.

-Then what are you trying? – She asked confused.

-I am trying to spend the rest of my life with you. – He simply said.

Maya hit his arm.

-What is the matter with you? – She asked him. – I am 19 years old. You are 22. We are kids. Babies. We know nothing about the world. And you want to get married?

-My parents married young. – Josh protested.

-Because your mother was pregnant with Eric. – Maya screamed at him.

-They still loved each other. – He said. – And what about Cory and Topanga? They were babies too.

-That's not fair. They're Cory and Topanga. Their love was legendary. – Maya responded.

-And ours isn't? – Josh asked hurt.

-I'm not saying that. – Maya explained.

-Do you love me? – Josh asked.

-Of course. – Maya responded immediately.

-So what's the problem? – He wondered.

-I think we're too young. – Maya was the voice of reason. – We have dreams. We are both going to college. I want to see the world. You always wanted to go to La Tomatina festival in Spain. Neither one of us went to Coachella or rode in a hot air balloon.

-Do you want to ride in a hot air balloon? – Josh asked confused.

-I want to have a possibility to ride in a hot air balloon. – Maya explained.

-We can do all those stuff even if we are married. We can do them together.

-With what money? – Maya asked him. – We don't have jobs and…oh god I am studying art. We are going to starve. – Maya panicked.

-Okay relax. No one is dying from hunger here. – Josh tried to calm her down.

-That's right. You are studying business and economy. That's lucrative, right? – Maya was still panicking. Josh thought she was cute when she gets like this and he smiled slightly.

-We are going to be fine. And we don't have to get married right away. – Josh calmed her.

-We don't? – Maya asked.

-Of course not. We can get engaged. And we can wait to get married. – Josh offered a solution.

-Can you wait until I finish college? – Maya asked.

-Of course. – Josh would wait for her forever.

-It seems like we're always waiting on each other. – Maya couldn't help but mention.

-Oh come on, that's not fair. – Josh protested.

Maya looked at him and smiled. He made her very happy. She loved him with all her heart. That made her think that this could actually work. Was getting married such a crazy idea? They could make it work. And if they wait a couple of years, then what is the problem?

-Did we just get engaged? – Maya asked all smiley.

-I think we did. – Josh said, equally joyful.

-Oh my god. – Maya laughed.

-Oh my god. – Josh repeated.

-Oh my god! – Maya screamed with excitement.

-You said that already.

Maya jumped in Josh's arms and he twirled her around. They were both very happy.

-I have to tell Riley. – Maya said when Josh put her back on the ground.

-I have to get you a ring. – Josh remembered.

-Want to do one of those cute things where you make me a ring out of something that's around because we can't afford a real one? – Maya said, thinking it would be romantic.

-And then I promise to get you a real one and you say "Don't you dare."? – Josh played along.

-No, I would never say that. You are definitely buying me a ring. – Maya responded seriously.

-God I love you. – Josh said and kissed her. They made out behind the big oak tree. Where no one could see them. In that moment it was just the two of them. No one else knew, no one else cared. Their parents weren't trying to talk them out of it and for a second everything in the whole world felt right.

XXXXXX

-Let's not tell anyone just yet. – Maya suggested. – Let's wait until the wedding is over to tell them.

Josh agreed.

-I am very excited. – She screamed.

-I am too. – Josh couldn't stop smiling. They kissed again and then hand in hand walked back to the wedding party. The reception was held in the open too. Tables and the dance floor were set on the other side of the hotel, in the bigger garden. The dance floor was built especially for the wedding. It was covered with beautiful white drapes and twinkly lights. The guest tables were set so that the dance floor was in the middle. Each table had a daisy pomanders decoration in the middle and a lantern that had a cozy effect.

Maya and Josh came back just in time to see Katy and Shawn's first dance as a married couple. Maya looked at her mother and Shawn and the way they looked at each other. Full of love and hope for the future. Maya wandered if Josh and her would look so happy on their wedding day.

-Can I ask for this dance? – Josh offered his hand to Maya after a few other couples joined in on the dance floor.

-I think you did enough asking for one day. – Maya joked and took his hand.

He led her to the dance floor. He held her hand in his lefthand and put his right one on her hip. Maya's left hand was on his shoulder. Neither one of them knew how to dance but they faked it like pros. Maya liked it most when Josh twirled her around so Josh would do it as much as the crowded dance floor would allow it and Maya smiled every time. They finished the dance with a dip. They danced a couple more songs alone before Riley, Lucas and Farkle joined them. The bend started to play faster songs and they all jumped and twisted around the dance floor.

-I can't take it anymore. I need to tell them. – Maya leaned in to tell Josh.

-You lasted ten minutes, I am very proud of you. – Josh teased her.

She playfully slapped his forearm and turned to Riley. She showed her friends her left hand. On herring finger, she wore a little flower ring that Josh put on her earlier.

-What is that? – Riley didn't understand.

-I'm engaged! – Maya exclaimed.

-WHAT? – All three of her friend screamed.

-To whom? – Farkle asked.

-What do you mean to whom? – Josh cut in. – To me.

-Right. – Farkle shook his head in understanding.

-Aren't you a little young? – Lucas asked sheepishly.

-Well, we're going to wait until we both finish college. – Maya assured him. – But we love each other and we are very excited.

-Then we are too. – Riley screamed. – I am so happy for you. – Riley hugged her.

-I'm going to be the maid of honor, right? - Riley asked.

\- Who else peaches. – Maya responded and brought back a smile to Riley's face.

-Can I be the best man? – Farkle asked excitedly.

-We'll see about that. – Josh responded quickly.

-Did you tell your parents? – Lucas asked her.

-No. – They both answered at the same time.

-We decided to wait until after the wedding. – Josh filled them in. – So don't tell a soul.

-I won't. – Farkle said.

-You're secret's safe with me. – Lucas promised.

-I might. – Riley said nervously.

-You just do your best peaches. – Maya told her friend.

Then they all returned to their dancing, with Maya and Josh smiling just a little wider. When another slow song started, Shawn and Katy approached Maya and Josh.

-Mind if we cut in? – Shawn asked.

-Of course not. – Josh responded.

-My lady. – He said as he took Katy's hand.

-What a gentleman. – Katy approved.

Shawn and Maya danced together as well.

-Cory can throw one hell of a wedding. – Maya told him.

-He really can. – Shawn laughed. – You having fun? – He asked.

-More than you'd think. – Maya responded secretively. – You and mom look so beautiful together.

-She's going to make me very happy.

-So, how is the adoption coming along? – Maya asked him.

-We don't have to talk about that. – Shawn told her.

-Why not? – She asked confused.

-Your dad just died. We are not in a rush. You need some time and that's okay. – Shawn explained.

-I don't want to wait. My dad died yes, but I am fine. Really. I want to do this. And it has to be easier now that he's not around anymore.

-It's okay to grieve him. It takes some time. Don't feel like you're letting someone down if you do. – Shawn told her in a father-like tone.

-I grieved him. And maybe I'll need sometime but I still want to go through the adoption. – Maya concluded. They were still slow dancing. – Unless you don't want to. Which is fine. You are allowed to change your mind.

-I am not changing my mind. And I am not going anywhere. – Shawn assured her. – If you want, we can sign the papers and bring them to a judge as soon as tomorrow.

-I would like that very much. – She said. They kept dancing together. Maya noticed Josh and her mom dancing near them. Josh said something that made Katy laugh and Maya was glad her mom liked him.

-Is that a flower ring on your finger? – Shawn asked Maya.

-Yes. – She said before she remembered she was supposed to keep it a secret.

-Did Riley made that for you? – Clueless Shawn asked.

-Yes. – Maya lied quickly, grateful that Shawn came up with a lie before she could. Shawn will find out soon anyways.

It was starting to get dark and the twinkling lights and table lanterns were the only source of light in their surroundings. The song ended and Shawn went back to dance with Katy and Josh came to Maya.

After the wedding, all of the guests went to their rooms. Maya and Riley were sharing a room, so were Lucas and Farkle and Josh was staying with Eric.

-I love weddings. – Riley said. – Katy and Shawn's was really beautiful.

-Your dad did a great job. – Maya said.

-He didn't get to plan the wedding he and mom wanted when they got married because of their budget. I think this really meant a lot to him.

-I've seen the wedding pictures. Their wedding was amazing.

-That was all uncle Eric.

-He paid for it? – Maya asked.

-Not exactly. – Riley explained the story to Maya.

-That sound like Eric. – Maya concluded when she heard the story.

-What is your wedding going to be like? – Riley asked her best friend.

-I never thought about it. – Maya was honest.

-Every little girl fantasizes about her wedding day and the dress she's going to wear.

-I never did. I just care that I marry Josh and that you and Farkle, Lucas, ma parents and your parents are there. That's it. I don't need a big celebration or a puffy dress. I just need Josh and my people.

The girls laid in bed, ready to fall asleep. But just before sleep was about to shut Maya's eyelids for the night Riley asked her: "How do you know? What makes you think he's the one? How do you know?"

Maya said to Riley: „There's this photo I once saw of a married couple on their wedding day. It's in black and white and it's of their first dance. It captures a moment where the groom dips the bride and she has her arm around his shoulder and her eyes are closed and she is smiling and he looks at her like she is the only person in the world. And I thought that's what happiness feels like. That's what love looks like. Josh looked at me like that today. That's how I knew. I knew he will love me and be there no matter what."

Riley smiled.

-I think Lucas might be the one.

Both girls fell a sleep with huge smiles on their faces.

Maya slept in the next morning. She woke up late and Riley was already out of the room. Maya put on some comfortable clothes and came down for breakfast. The rest of the guest already left so only the gang was there, joined by Amy and Alan. As soon as they ate they started to pack and head back to the city.

As soon as Katy, Shawn and Maya came back to their apartment and opened the front door the phone started to ring.

-I'll get it. - Maya yelled and picked up the phone.

-Hello. - She chippered.

-Hi Maya. It's Susan. I have some big news.

-Hi Susan. I'm listening.

-Kermit's will is being read today and I think you should come.

-To the house?

-Yes. The lawyer will come over at 7. You can come earlier and see Bruce.

-Okay. I'll do that. Thanks.

XXXXXX

The doors to Kermit's house were unlocked, so Maya didn't bother knocking. She walked straight to the living room. She didn't know what to expect. Her mother offered to come with her, but Maya refused. She didn't mind going alone. There wasn't a lot of people there. Just Susan, Bruce and an elderly women Maya knew from the funeral. She knew Kermit didn't have any family. It was just Susan and Bruce. And Maya. The elderly lady was Kermit's aunt, as Susan informed her. She was very old and Maya wasn't sure she could even hear her. Her hands were very cold when she shook them.

She sat down next to Bruce and the lawyer started to speak: "I hold in my hands the last wishes of Kermit Clutterbucket. I will read it aloud now for the first time." He paused to open the envelope and take out the official papers. He left his house and most of his money to his wife and son. He gave his collection of ancient guns to a local museum in his hometown in Arizona and he left some of his money to his aunt. When the lawyer reached to the end of the letter Maya thought he was done and she wondered why she was even there. But then the lawyer took out two smaller envelopes out of the big one and handed them to Maya.

-He wrote this letter for you. It explains the other envelope too. – The lawyer said.

-He left some letters for Bruce. He planned for Bruce to read them when he is older and he misses him. – Lawyer handed a couple of envelops to Susan for safe keeping.

Maya wanted to read the letters by herself. Susan understood. She made planes to meetup with Bruce the following weekend and left. She didn't want to go home either. Even Riley's bay window didn't seem right for this. She wanted to be all alone.

She walked to a park that was closest to her location and she sat on a swing. She watched little kids as they played and she watched their fathers who played with them or stood on the side watching carefully their every move. Maya wished she had that when she was growing up. A father in a real sense of the world. Cory was the closest to that definition. She remembered how he took her and Riley to the park and took turns pushing their swings or how he caught them every time they went down the slide. And then she had Shawn. And he gave her advice and thought her how to not make the same mistakes he did and now he wanted to adopt her. And briefly she had Kermit too. He didn't teach her about life or pushed her on a swing but for a while he was there. And that was all Maya ever wanted. Maybe she was lucky after all. In a way she had three fathers. Each of them made her who she is. Each of them loved her in their own way.

Maya finally gathered enough courage to open the first letter. It took her a while to read it.

-That son of a bitch. – Maya said with tears in her eyes after she read the letter.

A/N: First things first, this chapter is named after a Greek word that means dryness. For the guest who asked for their age, Maya says it in this chapter so I didn't think it was necessary to also put it up front (but it's 19 and 22). For the rest of you thank you so much for your reviews and kind words. You are all amazing and it makes me want to write even more when I know you guys actually read it and like it.

What do you think about this one? And what do you think Kermit wrote in the letter?


	25. Yelp

Josh was sitting in his dorm room, studding for his last final, when a loud knock made him lose his trail of thoughts. He rushed to the door and opened them to find an angry Maya on the other side.

-Even from his grave, he's making my life miserable. – Maya yelled as she walked past him to enter his room.

-What's going on? What did he say in his will? – Josh asked worried.

-He left me a letter. – Maya showed him a piece of paper she held in her hand. – He told me he loved me and that I was special and how he regrets everything. And then he told me he sent my paintings to the The Florence Academy Of Art. – She paused. – In Florence. In Italy. Without my permission. – Her eyes filled with tears. – He knew me for all of what? Three weeks and he thought that gives him the right to decide for me? He thought he knew me? He wanted to be a father to me so little that he would rather deal with me after his death? He doesn't get to be a parent now. He doesn't get to decide for me.

Josh walked over to her and hugged her. She cried in his chest.

-Why is this making you so upset? – Josh didn't understand.

Maya broke free from his hug. She sat on his bed and Josh sat next to her. He looked at her worriedly. Maya looked straight ahead of her. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She took in a deep breath.

-I was fine. Finally I was dealing with everything. I had a picture of him as a guy who just couldn't deal. I thought he left because he wasn't ready. And I will never approve of that but I was starting to get it. I understood it. He couldn't tell me one nice thing when he was alive. He never told me he loved me. He had to use a metaphor to tell me he was proud of me. A poorly constructed metaphor, if I might add. But he signed the adoption papers. He let go of me and I thought he know, just like I did, what kind of father he was. But he was delusional. He wrote in this letter everything he couldn't tell me in person. And he thought it will be okay. He thought that I would smile that my daddy loved me and it will somehow magically erase the last 12 years of my life.

She looked at Josh.

-And it's not enough. I hate that he thought it would be enough. He left me enough money to pay for the tuition and live comfortably in Italy for four years and he thought that that made him a dad.

Josh understood now. He put his arms around her tightly and held her in his arms.

-Do we hate him now again? – Josh asked supportively.

-I don't know yet. – Maya wasn't sure how she feels. – I'll let you know when I figure it out.

-I'll be here when you do. – He kissed her forehead.

-Did you get in? – He asked after a while.

-In the art school? I don't know. I haven't opened the letter.

-Why not?

-It's one of the most prestiges art colleges in the world. Of course I didn't get in. And even if by some strange stroke of luck I did, it's in Italy. I'm not going to Italy. – Maya concluded.

-Can I open it? – He asked, still curious.

-Sure. Go ahead. – She took the letter out of her bag and handed it to Josh. He open the envelope and started to read the letter. Maya wouldn't admit it but she was curious to know too. The Florence Academy Of Art accepted based on the submitted work only. They didn't care about the grades or the country of origin. Maya wondered if maybe, just maybe she was good enough to get in. but she quickly shook off that thought.

-Holly crap. – Josh let out.

-What? – Maya asked anxiously. – What is it?

Josh looked at her.

-Not only did you get in, but you got a full scholarship. – Josh exclaimed excitedly.

Maya heard the words but she didn't understand them.

-I got in? – She was still in shock.

-Yes. – Josh jumped off of the bed in excitement. – You got in. – Then he remembered what that meant for her. What that meant for them. There is no way Maya could pass up on an opportunity like this. Which meant she had to go to Italy. Maya realized it too.

-Oh. – Josh said and sat back down next to her, with the letter still in his hands.

-Oh. – Maya said too. They both sat next to each other in complete silence for the next few minutes, neither one of them wanting to be the first one to say out loud what both of them knew.

XXXXXX

Maya left Josh's dorm room without the clear idea of what she was going to do. She was confused. On the one hand, she didn't want to go Italy and leave her life behind. Leave her friends and leave Josh. On the other hand, it was Italy and one of the best schools for art in the world. How could she not go? But how could she not stay?

She came home to see Shawn and Katy happily unpacking their wedding gifts. They were laughing at something Katy said when they heard Maya come in. Katy knew something was wrong the second she saw her daughters face.

-Oh, baby girl. What happened? – Katy stud up to hug her daughter.

Maya told them about Kermit's letter and her acceptance to the college of every artist's dream.

-You're going to Italy? – Shawn asked.

-I don't know what I'm doing. – Maya was confused.

-But you have to go. It's the motherland. You have to go to the motherland. The birth place of renaissance and Botticelli, da Vinci, Michelangelo, Petrocelli and so many other great ones. You do not walk out on an opportunity like this one. – Shawn spoke with fire as only a fellow artist could. He understood what this meant for her talent.

-It's not that simple. – Maya told him.

-I know you have your friends here. And Josh but it's just four years and you'll come back every break and we'll come visit you. And if in any moment you think that is too much for you, you can always come back. – Shawn assured her.

Katy was quit up until this point.

-I don't want her to go. – She said. – I don't want my baby girl on another continent. It's too far away. NYU has a great art program. I don't see why she can't just stay with us for a little while longer.

-Honey. – Shawn hugged his wife. – She is not a little kid anymore. We can't hold on to her forever. She has to decide for herself what her future will be.

-There is something else I didn't have time to tell you. – She paused to swallow a huge lump in her throat.

-Something happened on your wedding day. – She didn't know how to tell them. – Okay. Remember when I told you that Riley gave me this flower ring?

Shawn nodded.

-I lied. – They looked at her surprised. – Josh gave it to me. We're engaged.

-You're engaged? – Shawn yelled.

-Kind of. – She said.

-What? – Katy yelled too.

-You are too young. This can't be happening. I'm going to kill him. – Shawn declared.

-Are you pregnant? – Katy asked.

-Pregnant? – Shawn exclaimed. – I think I'm having a heart attack.

-I am not pregnant. Relax. I just love him and he loves me. And we are only engaged. We are not getting married until at least after we are both out of college.

-Are you sure you are not pregnant? – Katy asked again.

-I am sure. – Maya assured them.

-Okay. – Katy said with a calmer voice. – Still, he can't be the defining factor. You have to choose what's best for you. Not what Josh or we or anyone else wants.

-You have to decide for yourself. – Shawn agreed with Katy.

-And as much as it breaks our hearts, we'll be here for you, no matter what you decide. – Katy assured her.

-It's really hard. – Maya told them.

-No one said growing up is easy. – Shawn added. – But I believe in you. I know you'll make a right choice.

-I need a bay window. – Maya suddenly said.

-We don't have a bay window. – Katy reminded her.

-Bay window now.

XXXXXX

-You are not going to Italy. – Riley told her best friend as they were sitting on the bay window in her room. – We were supposed to go backpacking through Europe together. You can't go by yourself. That's not fair.

-You are right. – Maya agreed. – I can't go without you.

-No I am not right. I am selfish. – Riley said. – You have to go.

-What about Josh? – She asked.

-My uncle loves you. And he will wait for you. I know he will. And in the meantime, I will keep an eye on him.

-I don't know if I can do it.

-Do what? – Riley asked.

-Go to Italy without him. I don't know if I can take it. – Maya told her best friend.

-So you can leave me but not him? – Riley was a bit disappointed.

-I know I will always have you. No matter where we end up you will always be my person. That is never going to change.

-So I'm a sure thing? – Riley asked fake hurt.

-Yes you are. – Maya answered, amused.

-You will always be my person too. – Riley said and hugged her person.

-Is there any chance there is Florence in the US and that you got accepted there? – Riley tried one last time.

-Sorry peaches. We are out of luck.

-Can we stay like this for a little while longer? – Riley asked.

-We can, but my neck is starting to cram. – Maya complained.

-You are leaving for Italy, push through it. – Riley said.

-I haven't decided yet. – Maya reminded her.

-Yes you have. –Riley said. She knew Maya better than Maya knew herself.

-I am really going to miss you Rails. You have no idea. – Maya almost cried.

-My best friend is going to be the best artist of our generation. – Riley said with a faint smile.

-And my best friend is going to be the second greatest teacher that ever lived. – Maya retorted.

-I'm going to miss not having him as a teacher in college but there is no way he's coming to Italy. – Both girls laughed.

-Right? – Maya asked not convince.

-There is no way. – Riley said. – He's probably coming to NYU with me and Lucas.

XXXXXX

-I can't stay. – Maya told Josh.

-And I can't ask you to. – Josh said back. They were sitting in his dorm room again, but this time Maya knew what she wants to do.

-I am just not that girl. I can't be. I can't stay for a guy. Even if that guy is the love of my life. And I can't give up on this opportunity. I have a real chance to do something that will make me proud, to make something of myself. I love you. But I have to love me more. – Maya explained.

-And I would never forgive myself if I am the one that held you back. – Josh said.

-What happens now? With us? Are we still engaged? Are we still together? – Maya asked, dreading the answer.

-I don't know. – Josh said. – I don't want to lose you. But I don't know how we can keep ourselves sane while I am over here and you are over there.

-So maybe we do have a song after all. – Maya said. Her voice was low and sad.

-I thought you said that song isn't about a break up. – Josh reminded her. They both thought of the song they listened to on their road trip.

-I thought you said it was.

-Maybe I was wrong. – He said. – You said it yourself. That kind of love doesn't just go away. I will never be able to breathe without you. I love you so much.

-I love you too. But what if something happens? What if distance gets to us and we end up hating each other? I never want to hate you.

-I could never hate you. – Josh promised her. – Even if you rip my heart out I will still love you.

-So we are doing the long distance then?

-I guess we are. – Josh said.

-Wow. You don't even know the language. – He remembered.

-I'll learn. – Maya told him.

-With some hot guy named Pedro that has olive skin with flawless curls and calls you Bella? – Josh asked.

-No. Pedro with olive skin and flawless curls will never compare to Josh Matthews with great hair and perfect smile, who makes me smile and loves even the worst parts of me.

-He sounds like a great guy. – Josh joked.

-The best.


	26. Zen

Maya had the whole summer before she had to go to Italy in September. Josh finished all his finals and Farkle, Lucas and Riley all knew which college they were going to. The only thing that was left was for the gang to have the best summer of their lives. Katy and Shawn went on their honeymoon to the Bahamas that Jack got for them as a wedding gift. They flew with a first class and they stayed in a gorgeous honeymoon suit in an exclusive hotel.

Maya and the rest of the gang, including Sarah, the girl Farkle was still with, decided to travel across the country. They rented an R.V. and went on a two month long road trip. Somehow they managed to not drive each other crazy. They had fun and they couldn't think of a better way to spend their last summer before college. Everyone pretended that Maya wasn't leaving to another continent and they never spoke of it. They swam in every ocean side state, they ate at every south state dinner, visited every great monument and they even stopped by Austin, Texas. Lucas showed them all the greatest places to eat and listened to music. He even took them on a horse ride. They met his family and old friends and Riley loved getting to know this side of him. They had a rule that kept them from staying in any place longer than two days, but Texas stole all their hearts and they stayed there for five. When it was finally time to head back to New York, they all had memories that would live on forever.

On their way back home, Maya decided they couldn't avoid her departure any longer. She grabbed the chance while Josh was driving to talk to her friends.

-Guys, I think we can't avoid it any longer. I am leaving in a month and we really need to talk about it.

-No. – Farkle protested. – I am fine with ignoring it.

-Maya is right guys. This is happening. We should say how we fell. – Riley helped her friend out.

-I thing we've all been friends for so long and we've been through so much together. We are not saying goodbye. This is not the end. We'll talk all the time. – Lucas assured them.

-I just don't want anything to change. – Farkle said. – I don't want us to change.

-It has to be a little different. We are going to different colleges. Granted, you will all at least be in the same state, but we are still going to be friends. We didn't go through everything together just to stop being friends now. – Maya said.

-Yeah. And plus, we have too many baggage by now. Nobody else wants us. – Riley joked.

-We are stuck with each other. – Farkle added, feeling a little better.

XXXXXX

The last month passed by very quickly. Maya balanced her time between her parents, Josh and her friends and the rest of the Matthews. She wanted to see them all as much as she could so she wouldn't miss them as much when she leaves. She wished she could bring them all with her. She realized over the years that home is where people you love are and she knew that Italy will never be her home. She hadn't even left and she already dreamed of the day she'll come back. She didn't falter in her decision, though. She knew that the best thing for her is to go. She just hated that it had to hurt so much.

These people were the best part of her and she hates that she has to leave them.

-I thing even the sky will be different in Italy. – She told Josh as they were laying on the roof of her building one night watching the stars.

-Different could be good. – He responded.

-Not always.

-Did you change your mind about leaving? – He asked her a little more hopeful then he intended it to sound.

-No. – She said. – I just wish it wasn't so hard.

-That's how you know you're doing the right thing. Nothing worth doing is easy.

She moved her head closer to his chest, inhaling his smell, worried that she would forget it. She focused on the sound of his heartbeat. It always calmed her down. She though how she won't have that in Italy. She looked at her little flower ring. The flowers changed their colors but Maya refused to take it off.

-Don't cheat on me with some dumb sophomore when I'm gone. – Maya suddenly blurred out.

-Can I cheat on you with a freshmen? – Josh joked.

-Well, I know how much you like the age difference. – Maya joked back.

-You have nothing to worry about Hart. I will never cheat on you. Or do anything else to hurt you.

-It's just we'll be apart for a long period of time. And I know you have needs, I have them too…

-No, no. No. You are not allowed to cheat on me either. No needs. No needs of any kind.

-I would never cheat on you. I am just saying that if you do I would rather you tell me about that then hide it from me.

-I bet I can hold out longer then you can. – Josh was serious. Maya laughed.

-I mean it Hart. Wanna bet? – Josh asked her.

-Deal. – Maya accepted the bet. – If I win you buy me ice cream and if you win I buy you ice cream.

-As much scoops as they can fit on a cone. – Josh added and put out his hand.

Maya shook his hand. – You have yourself a deal Matthews.

XXXXXX

Maya's flight is taking off at 6a.m. and all her friends came to say goodbye to her. Her parents and the Matthews were there too. Even Susan bought Bruce. It was time for the goodbyes. She won't see them again until Christmas.

-Where is Josh? – Riley asked when she noticed her uncle wasn't there.

-We agreed that he'd be late so he can run through the airport screaming my name at the last minute and we can have one last passionate kiss as everyone around us applauded. – Maya explained.

-It would be a wasted opportunity if you didn't. – Riley agreed.

-Are they weird or adorable? – Cory asked Topanga.

-I think they might be both. – Topanga answered.

Topanga was first up: "You were like a daughter to me." She said as she hugged Maya.

-And I loved you like a mother. You were the best role model I ever had. – Maya told her. This was already harder then she though it would be.

Cory was next: "You were one of the worst student I ever had. But you were one of the best kids I ever had the pleasure of watching grow up."

-I'll never forget the lessons you thought me. – Maya started to tear up. They hugged.

-I wish we had time for a couple more. – Cory said.

-I'll be back. You can bet on it.

She turned to face Farkle.

-Lady. – He said.

-Farkle. – She laughed. – I'm going to miss you.

-I'm going to miss you too. – He said.

-Never change. For anyone. – She told him as she hugged him.

-I will do my best. – He promised her.

-It's your turn Ranger Rick. – She smiled at Lucas. He picked her up into a big hug.

-I am actually going to miss that. – He said.

-I'll call you every day to tell you. – She promised.

-You better. – He said.

-I loved you like a sister Maya. – Auggy told her when it was his turn.

-And I loved you like a brother Auggy. – She hugged him. – Keep an eye on everyone for me, will you?

-I promise. – He took his duty seriously.

-I am sorry we didn't have a chance to get to know each other better, but I promise I will skype you every day. – She told Bruce.

-I'll miss you Maya. – He told her with his little sleepy eyes barely open.

She hugged Susan too.

-Thank you for bringing him. – She told her.

-Of course. – Susan responded. – Good luck out there.

Maya turned to Shawn next.

-Dad. – She told him. She was used to calling him that. She called him dad ever since he officially adopted her three months ago.

-Daughter. – Shawn loved that someone called him dad. He hugged her tightly. He started to cry.

-I'm not ready. Don't go. – He told her.

-But I am going to the motherland. – She told him. – You know how important it is.

-I don't know anything. Why do you listen to me? – He asked her.

-Because you're my dad. I have to. – That made Shawn cry even harder.

-Don't look at me. – He said to Cory when he approached to comfort him.

She turned to her mother. Katy cried for the past month. She was all out of tears by now. Her eyes were red but she wasn't crying. Their hug lasted the longest.

-Call every day. Be safe. Learn the language. Paint and be happy. – Her mother told her. – And come back to us baby girl.

-I will mom. I love you. – Maya teared up.

-I love you more. – Katy said.

She turned to Riley.

-This one hurts the most. – Maya told Riley. Both girls were on the edge of tears. They hugged.

-Ring power. – Riley said. – You are not allowed to forget me.

-Ring power. – Maya told her. – You are not either.

Maya looked down to her wristwatch: "Josh should be here any…"

-Maya. – A loud scream interrupted her sentence.

Josh was running towards them with two security guards behind him. Maya ran to him. She jumped in his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. They kissed passionately. No one clapped.

-We should, right? – Riley asked and the whole ganged started to cheer. Soon enough every person on the airport started to applaud too. Even the security guards joined in.

Maya and Josh had their cliché airport moment.

-Thanks for doing this. – Josh said to Maya.

-It was actually really fun. – Maya told him. – I loved the applause.

-And thanks for not telling them it was my idea.

-No problem. – Maya said and they kissed again.

XXXXXX

Maya spent two weeks in Florence already. She missed her friends and family terribly, she missed her home, but she loved Florence. She explored city every day. She relished in the architecture, people, food. Everything around her was a form of art. And every day was a new adventure. The city was even more beautiful at night. She already visited Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, Florence Baptistery and different museums and galleries. Each more breathtaking than the other. She even started to pick up on the language. The classes don't start for another week so she had plenty of time to meet other students. They came from all over the world, passionate about one thing that joins them all together. Art. Maya already met a couple of people that she liked and could see as future friends. Of course no one came close to Riley, Farkle and Lucas. She skyped, texted and talked to her friends and family every day. Mostly with Riley and Josh.

Florence was full of beautiful parks and piazzas. One of Maya's favorite things to do in the new city is sit in the different parks and city squares and draw what she sees. She did it every day. She would sit for hours at the time completely lost in her work. That's the beauty of this city. You can be all alone, but never lonely.

One day as she was drawing in one of her favorite squares, Piazza San Marco, a voice brought her back from her transe: "You are very talented. You must be a student at The Florence Academy Of Art."

Maya thought she recognized the voice but she knew it wasn't possible. She even thought that the stranger behind her spoke to her in English.

-I miss you so much I even think I can hear you. – She whispered to herself.

She felt the figure behind her crunch down so that it can whisper in her ear: "Or I might just be behind you."

Maya quickly turned around to face the mystery man behind her. She gasped in surprise and jumped to hug him.

-It's really you. – She said as she closed her arms around him tightly. – Josh you're actually here.

-I am here. – Josh said excitedly. He couldn't wait to see her again. Two weeks were a lot longer than he thought they would be. He kissed her and she kissed back, both hungry for each other.

-How are you here? – She asked with her arms still around him.

-You are looking at the newest transfer student at the University Of Florence.

-What? – Maya let go of him so she could look at him. – How is that possible?

-On the contrary of what you believe, I am an excellent student and I had the great opportunity to finish my last year of college and my masters abroad. Guess what city I chose? – He said with a huge grin.

-Why didn't you tell me? – Maya asked as she hit him on the arm.

-I wanted it to be a surprise. And I didn't want to get your hopes up in case I couldn't come.

Maya seemed a little mad that he didn't tell her.

-Come on. Don't be mad. We get to spend two years in Florence together.

Maya jumped in his arms and he twirled her around.

-I can't believe you're actually here. – Maya was ecstatic. – Where are you staying?

-I have a dorm room on campus.

-I have an apartment and was going to look for a roommate but now I don't have to.

-Are you asking me to move in with you? – Josh asked.

-Well, we are engaged. – Maya said.

-That reminds me… - Josh put Maya down and dropped on one knee. He took the little box out his pocket and before he could open it or ask the question Maya interrupted: "Yes."

-Will you at least let me ask first? – Josh teased her.

-Sorry. Go ahead. – She calmed down.

Josh opened the box and said: "Maya Hart, this time I am doing this the right way. Will you please remove the flower ring?" – He asked. Maya tool the flower ring off and put it in her pocket.

-You are not going to throw it away? – He asked.

-Of course not. – She defended the flower ring. – I am keeping it forever.

Josh continued: "Will you do me the honor of one day becoming my wife?"

Maya nodded her head while she bit her bottom lip. Josh put the ring on her hand.

-It's even more beautiful than the first one. – Maya declared excitedly.

-The first one was made out of flowers and wood and this one cost me a fortune so I sure hope so. – Josh said.

Maya jumped in his arms again and he held her tightly.

-I am so happy right now. – Maya said.

-I am too. – Josh said. – And I think we should celebrate. With a dessert. – Josh used the last word as an innuendo.

-Are you the dessert? – Maya asked with a flirtatious tone.

-Yes I am. – Josh said proudly.

-Then let me show you to our apartment.

The apartment wasn't far away. Only a couple blocks from the Piazza San Marco and at the equal distance from both of their colleges. Maya and Josh started kissing and taking off their cloths as soon as they closed the door between them and the rest of the world. When they were only in their underwear, Josh picked her up and carried her to the bed.

-Where is the bedroom? – He ask.

-First door on the left. – Maya said, her breath already getting lower.

Josh put her on the bed and kissed her neck. Just as the things got heated Josh stopped.

-Wait. What about the bet? - Josh wanted to know.

-Are you kidding me? - Maya was a little annoyed with his timing.

-You're right. We can just share the ice cream.

Maya laughed and they continued. Josh lifted his head to look her in the eyes and say one more thing.

-I hope you never regret saying yes to me. - He said, more honest than he ever was before.

-Trust me Josh, I made a lot of mistakes in my life but loving you was never one of them.

 **A/N: Well guys we are at the end of the road with this one. This is the last chapter to this story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Every single one of your comment made me smile and become more comfortable with my writing. I will never thank you enough for that. You were amazing support and audience and I hope I did not disappoint you. I started this story on my summer break and now I have a lot of obligations with college so I won't be writing anything for a while but I would love to write another story or come back to this one some day and explore Maya and Josh during their time in Italy and maybe even longer because as I was writing it I really fell in love with them and I hope you did to. Have a lovely day and thank you for being there with me every step of the way.**


	27. Sequel

**A/N:Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know that I am Writing a sequel to this story. It's called 'Mistakes we made' and you can go check it out. Hope you like it. I am looking forward to your input.**


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